I'm a bitter man, please help

While I’ll try not to bore you all with the details, the last five years have been quite a disappointment to me, and have left me quite embittered and cynical, about everything.

My girlfriend said that she noticed it’s starting to affect me physically, so I’ve come to try and overcome it. What can I do?

Exercise and good diet habits may help. I hear yoga is good for your disposition.

Are you depressed? If so, that’s a medical thing, not simply an opinion about the world that some people hold.

The details are kinda important.

Get a therapist.

I have aseveral aspects of my life that are also disappointing. I find I often don’t have much control over them so I tend to seek out things I get satisfaction from that I have a bit more control over. Very similar to the serinity prayer.

You can do stuff to overcome the symptoms, or you can address the issues in a more direct manner. Not everything is soluble, of course, but it’s better to try to alleviate it at the source rather than downstream at the outlets. Sometimes it’s just a matter of wrapping your mind around something in a more constructive manner.

Over the last five years;

[li]Lost two Grandparents in the same year[/li][li]Brother banned me and my Mom from his Wedding[/li][li]Uncle stopped talking with me[/li][li]Fell out with my father[/li][li]Was bullied at work for the latter 2 years[/li][li]Lost all my friends at work[/li][li]Lost my girlfriend[/li][/ul]

Of which the end result was me moving out of an area I had originally settled in for a ‘new start’ and it was an abject failure, I got bullied and isolated resulting in my humiliation (This is the way I see it) this has happened a few times, and seems to be reinforcing my belief that I should just keep everyone out in order not to get hurt, it seems like a waste of time investing in anyone.

I’ve moved into a new area closer to parts of my family which I’m on good terms with, but I’m consistently having flashbacks to that time, and I’m extremely bitter the way in which everything turned out, so much so that I’ve cut everything out from that period, if that makes sense.

Were there alcohol and/or drugs involved in those traumatic events?

I don’t drink or do drugs, one of my brothers does drugs, I don’t speak with him.

I think you should consult with a therapist. Perhaps start with taking a few online tests (there are loads if you Google). Based on the limited information provided, you sound depressed. You have good reason to be depressed and there’s no shame in seeking help to get past it.

In addition to the therapist, regular exercise and a good diet helps. Identify the things in your life that are adding to the negativity and determine if you can do anything that impacts that in a positive way. Identify the things that give you pleasure or stress release, and see if you can prioritize those things. If nothing gives you pleasure, note that this is another sign of stress or depression.

Good luck.

No help for the OP, but dad always had two sugars in his coffee. He’d say, ‘I’m a bitter guy. It takes a lot to sweeten me up.’

If you’re constantly being bullied and falling out with friends and family, perhaps there is something about your behavior you could change? A therapist could help you identify it and work to change it.

Maybe you shouldn’t accept advice from me. But I don’t see anything wrong with “keeping everyone out” for awhile. People are often aggravating, and it sounds like you can’t deal with much aggravation right now.

Just focus on yourself. Helping yourself, loving yourself. Therapy sounds like it might help you.

I’m sorry things are going so rough. I could tell you to just shrug it all off, but I know that it’s just not that easy.

This. In fact, when monstro gives advice or observations, it’s generally good policy to listen.

I’m sorry, too, that things are rough. If you want to have some pm conversation feel free. Good luck.

A second vote for spamforbrains observation. If it seems that everyone is bullying you and they are the cause of your problems, there are three options. One, everyone sucks and everyone else is the cause of the problems. Two you are acting in such a way that invites the negative response or three, you are interpreting things in such a way that it seems everyone is else is the cause.

A good therapist ought to be able to help you sort out what is happening. Get yourself sorted out first.

When I went through depression it took me a while to realize that, due to my depression, I was blowing things out of proportion and assigning motives to people that were incorrect. Minor issues seemed gigantic and my reaction to these small issues turned people off which I interpreted as a personal attack.

Good luck and see a doc.


I don’t know you from Adam so all this is purely hypothetical musing.

When a grown man says lots of people in his work and social set are bullying him and oppressing him it’s generally (to me) a red light that his social filters are way out of whack or they are somehow inviting a negative reaction to themselves .

There are truly oppressive assholes in this world but they (in my experience) are relatively rare in real world day to day living. If someone is being hit by them left and right either (1) you are very unlucky (2) you need to find new line of work or (3) something you are doing is causing people to react to you with anger or distaste.

Typically what invites this reaction in many cases is being a mopey, depressive, negative attitude sad sack. This generally causes people, even normally decent people, to bristle and reject you. Assuming you are not living in sociopath central you may need to find a better way to communicate with people. This is generally a deep seated issue and just telling someone to stop being “that way” re their negative attitude is not enough. It can be made much better through meaningful behavioral change but it requires a solid commitment to follow through on this. Psychiatric therapy and drugs might be helpful in this also.

Another possibility is that you are an under performer at what you have chosen to do for a job or vocation and even if your attitude is OK your negative performance causes your co-workers to dislike you and this negativity can spread over your whole life. The good news here is that this can corrected simply by choosing something different to do and the positive influence of finding a job you like also ripples outward to other parts of your life.

If I was you, I would spend a few minutes every day in giving thanks that you have a girlfriend and I would make sure to tell her just how much I appreciate her and how valuable her company is to me.

One of the best ways to improve your mood is to realize you are not alone in this world and that the relationship you may have with a lady, undoubtedly provides you with a very serious boost in your frame of mind.

I would love to have a wife or girlfriend and I consider you to be very fortunate that you have one.

Why not shut everyone out (but girlfriend) for a while? Spend a whole year just doing things with you and your girlfriend. Do you like kayaking? It’s super fun! And there are pair-kayaks. Try that this summer. Or maybe hiking. Or boating. Or standup paddle boarding. What I’m saying, is get out and have fun and do more stuff. Live a life. Fill your moments with fun times and let the bad times roll over you.

Clichéd, yes, but it really works. When you have too many bad memories, I find the only cure is to fill up your head with good ones, and then perform a sort of therapy on yourself: every time your head fills with those bad memories you summon the good ones.

I did this constantly in my twenties when I was still reeling from the abuse of my mother. Slowly the bitterness fades. It will never be gone 100% so don’t expect that but the edge definitely goes away.

Get beer down yer neck!