Anger, bitterness and resentment are often the outcome of not owning our part in disastrous events. Especially traumatic events, and conflicts, that instinctively make us want to lay 100% blame on others. Anyone but us. We all do it to a certain degree, but when we let it get out of hand it begins to overwhelm us as cynicism and resentment and bitterness.
It can be a couple of different things at work really, one piece is what did each of these trying events you’ve listed, teach you? Did you learn a lesson from each experience? Did you look for one? If not, such things will just continue to play out until you do learn the lesson. What part did I play in these events? What do I have to own? This self awareness is absolutely required to recognise the take away lesson, and to actually learn from the experience, thereby preventing it’s repeat.
The second thing frequently at play in such dynamics is expectations. We sometimes convince ourselves that if I do A, B and C, then I will get D ! Much like giving gifts, if you’re doing it thinking it entitles you to to reciprocity - you’re doing it wrong! You may also need to remove expectation of return, from your actions. Choose to view your choices as things you do because of whom you fundamentally are, not as ‘if I do this I will get that’.
If you revisit these conflicts, take ownership of your part, you may find the hard life lesson each has to teach. And your bitterness should diminish as you find some resolution.
(Of course all of this is just wildass guessing based on the scant info from the OP!)
Reminds me of a guy I know (other people’s reaction to that guy).
In his case, he is EXTREMELY self-centered. Only thinks about himself.
He needs to learn that you need to give to receive. And don’t bite the hand that feeds you!
In other words, go around doing things for other people. Be the type of person you would like to hang around with (not grumpy, rather happy and friendly). Say THANK YOU to other people when they do something for you. Hold the door open for other people when going into a store. If someone else does something for you, DON’T complain! (Say thank you.)
Get hobby. But gawd not a tandem canoe or kayak! Those things are called divorce boats for a reason.
Canoeing/kayaking maybe? Hiking? Just plain old camping? Astronomy? Photography? Hunting for fossils (insert AARP joke here). Maybe start a garden? Get online and find a new recipe to try out every weekend?
Why? We love kayaking, we love each other, why would we hate it together? I ask in seriousness because while we have kayaked we have never tandem-kayaked.
I mean it’s not like it would be permanent. We rent them, so if we hate it, we can go back to individual kayaks.
I’m just giving you the stats. The odds are not good.
But try it. Heck you might love it that way. But you’ll be the outlier.
Let me put it this way. When you tell the SO to do something does he do it EXACTLY the way you want, exactly when you want, and understands exactly what you mean?
Most of the time. We get along really well and have been together so long we pretty much see eye-to-eye on most things, and can manage to respectfully disagree on things we don’t.
I won’t bore you with many details, but in a span of two years I became disabled, lost my career, wife left, etc. . It was a very trying time and I was bitter with a capitial B. I turned to therapy and my doc put me on anti depressants. Both worked wonders. There was a time I tried to drink and sex my way out of it. I wouldn’t suggest that route.
What you need to do right now is queue up some porn and beat off like a bandit. It won’t improve your mood or your outlook or your character but it might relieve some of that angst for a few minutes.
Agreed, walking is great, the best - really, the only - way I found to deal with depression, so it might work for what ails you.
You might also want to take up the speed bag; I’ve heard that’s good, too.
And cut out processed foods for a while; if nothing else, chopping all those vegetables and kneading the bread will be soothing or cathartic, depending on your approach.
And, finally - and I mean this affectionately and respectfully - suck it up, cupcake. Sometimes, some ways, life just sucks.
I can totally empathize. I am a walking bundle of bitterness myself right now. The last five years of my insignificant existence on this spinning wet green rock have been nothing short of a mini-travesty. One thing that really helps, even though it sounds totally cliché, is to think about all the millions of people in the world who have it way, way worse than we do. Even the most financially marginalized person who lives in an inner-city project and has little or no hope for the future has it infinitely better than somebody who is incarcerated in a North Korean prison camp. Check out the LongeCity message board. We discuss a lot of ways of beating depression, anxiety, and a whole host of other psychological maladies. A lot of it involves experimental drugs, so we are in a sense Guinea pig biopirates, but a lot of us are experiencing relief from things that traditional medicine has nothing to offer us. I’ve really been helped a lot by compounds such as tianeptine and NSI-189, and so have a lot of other people there. It is, of course, largely anecdotal self-reporting. But biohacking is an interesting hobby, even if you only study the subject without actually applying any chemical modifications to yourself. People are very sympathetic there. You’ll never get a response to a post telling you to just man up, grow a pair, stop whining like a little bitch, and take your pity party elsewhere. On the very rare occasions that somebody does offer that type of advice, they are dogpiled in short order. Even a seemingly silly thread by somebody who wanted to know why he felt so much better when he stopped chronically masturbating was taken very seriously and generated page after page of peer-reviewed citations offering possible explanations for the particular phenomenon that the individual was seeking information on. Not everybody there is as smart as the people here, but there are lots of people who possess graduate degrees in the biological sciences who are regular contributors. At least spend a half day lurking and get a general feel for what the board has to offer. You can PM me any time you’d like if you want more information on a particular subject.