I know what you’re saying about not being in therapy indefinitely for something that seems easy, but if it were as easy as it seems, you would have done it. Perhaps try therapy partly to understand the mechanics of what you are doing, and to learn some practical tools. Try it for some defined amount of time, and you may walk away with some good ideas to apply.
I know what you mean about engaging in these behaviors even when happy. Sometimes excess is a reward, especially if that how you used to treat yourself for things going well. Old habits are hard to break. Or you sabotage yourself because you don’t feel you’re worthy of true happiness? Talking to a neutral person, particularly someone specializing in eating and/or addiction issues, could help flesh out some of the motivations.
I do destructive things to myself, mostly emotionally destructive. I think I do it in large part because, as a depressed person, I am convinced that a certain level of misery in life is unavoidable, and that in my case, that level happens to be fairly high. Given that, I feel it is better if I bring it on myself, and at least have some small measure of control, rather than just let life continually make a sucker and a victim out of me.
If this sounds like ludicrous crap-talk, remember, the depressive part of you feels that the misery will come no matter what you do - or don’t do - so you might as well be the master of it.
I do destructive eating. Not over-eating, but just simply eating food that is out of my affordable range. At the point in time my mind-set is “Life is miserable enough; I won’t care anymore” and “How would doing a little bit of self-discipline help anyway? My life is properly messed up forever”…and there you go…
Yes, the last two posts sound like stuff I do. I don’t think it’s ‘crap talk’ at all. Makes perfect sense. I’m increasing my time between cigarettes, which was already considerable. In fact, people make fun of me and say, “You don’t smoke, do you?” because I’m just NOT a smoker and barely know how to hold the damn thing. So I’ve got a plan to quit for good on Monday. You can’t start any self-improvement plan on any day but Monday, can you? I was thinking that it will be good to do at the beginning of the week rather than the weekend because I do better at work. Being home all day Saturday won’t be a good time to START being disciplined…I’ll get five days under my belt before I do that.
My eating is better, though I am having a hard time staying away from “office food” that people keep plopping in front of me. People who bring donuts to work should be beaten with a pound of their own blubber. The way I manage this in the rest of my life is just NOT to buy the stuff, then I don’t bother with it. But when it’s right in my face, I have a tougher time saying no. I did well on this front yesterday though.
If it’s a matter of believing that you don’t deserve all this goodness, young woman, I’ll give you such a troutslap your skin will have wwww carved on it!
DO NOT try to quit everything at once. Ain’t gonna work.
Right now, give up the smokes. They are definitely the most destructive and expensive. Give yourself four months without cigarettes and then conquer ice cream or coffee (one or the other). Another four months and get rid of the last one.
I agree. That’s why I’ve got cigs slated for Monday in total. I thought cutting down now (I’m up to 5 a day and could go to three) would be easier than just quitting all at once. The only thing is that the food “binges” (a binge has to be pretty small with a stomach the size of a walnut) are pretty infrequent. And I can’t indulge in them because they make me SICK. So I AM going to try to snack on better stuff while I concentrate on the smoking issue. You know, just get one step better at a time rather than forcing myself to be instantly perfect.
Caffeine will probably be the hardest. I’ve got a mug in my hand now.
I’ve given up pills, pot, cigarettes, alcohol and binge eating. You’ll get my caffeine habit when you pry it from my cold dead hands. But a very easy way to cut down is to take little tiny sips and long pauses between each one.
Right. Plus, I’d be happy if I could just cut down, I’m not determined to give up ALL caffeine forever. I don’t think two cups of coffee a day is particularly harmful.