What's wrong with me?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Here I sit, once again, wondering what the fuck is wrong with me. I sit amongst a mound of crap like candy wrappers, take out containers, pop bottles, glasses, cleaning solutions, loose change, q-tips, and other crap. I have to move some of it out of the way so that I can use my mouse. I am not a pack rat with little paths through the house. I just have a bloody hard time keeping things tidy. And it really seriously wears on me and drains me.

I don’t get it. Why, if something bothers me so much, and it really does, why would I keep piling stuff up when there is a garbage can so close to me that it’s almost touching my leg?

Why, night after night, do I feel this un-ignorable compulsion to go to the store and buy hundreds of dollars worth of candy and junk food a month? I feel like a drug addict. I go to different stores so that no one will know my dark little secret. I come home with shopping bags of junk food and hide down in my little basement suit alone with my secret and I eat and eat and eat.

I don’t get it. Why do I keep doing things that I hate? I don’t understand. I’ve stopped going for my walks in the evening, my work clothes are getting tight.

When I eat properly, keep my home tidy and get some exercise I feel great. So why don’t I do it? I know I keep saying this, but I don’t understand. I don’t get why I’m doing things I hate and that make me feel like shit, when I could be doing things I like and make me feed good.

I know all the things to do. I know about making simple, easy to make, healthy meals. I know about tidying as I go and doing a little end of the day tidy before bed. It’s like my brain is fucked or something. If I know these things, why don’t I do them?

I don’t know what to do.

2

Well… You’re gimpy, and you float. :smiley:

(BTW: I can see your house from here!)

3

I never know when someone asks these questions like this, if you really wanted an answer or if the question was rhetorical. If the question was rhetorical, my apologies. If not, the answer is reptilian brain.*

And it’s not just you but every human being. We just all display it differently. Here’s an article somewhat about the reptilian brain (I just googled it) but there are others that are better.

Basically, when someone is stressed or anxious, the higher level functioning part of their brain is taken over by the more primitive part of the brain and the unconscious part takes over with its survival modes. Sometimes these modes are maladaptive. Sometimes they help save your life in a situation when you can’t take the time to think about a situation and have to act quickly.

Whenever someone says they’re doing something that they don’t want to do, they’re generally working at the level of their reptilian brain at those times. And later, the higher levels of their brain function questions their actions.

So what to do?* Consider what’s causing the stress and work on that. Think about whether your behavior is caused by something else and is actually shielding you from something else. Maybe consult a professional.

*If this is a joke thread, you can read the rest of this as WHOOSH!
**all the normal disclaimers. IANAD and am not trying to tell you what to do, etc.

4

[QUOTE=FloatyGimpy]
Here I sit, once again, wondering what the fuck is wrong with me. I sit amongst a mound of crap like candy wrappers, take out containers, pop bottles, glasses, cleaning solutions, loose change, q-tips, and other crap. I have to move some of it out of the way so that I can use my mouse. I am not a pack rat with little paths through the house. I just have a bloody hard time keeping things tidy. And it really seriously wears on me and drains me.

I don’t get it. Why, if something bothers me so much, and it really does, why would I keep piling stuff up when there is a garbage can so close to me that it’s almost touching my leg?

Why, night after night, do I feel this un-ignorable compulsion to go to the store and buy hundreds of dollars worth of candy and junk food a month? I feel like a drug addict. I go to different stores so that no one will know my dark little secret. I come home with shopping bags of junk food and hide down in my little basement suit alone with my secret and I eat and eat and eat.

I don’t get it. Why do I keep doing things that I hate? I don’t understand. I’ve stopped going for my walks in the evening, my work clothes are getting tight.

When I eat properly, keep my home tidy and get some exercise I feel great. So why don’t I do it? I know I keep saying this, but I don’t understand. I don’t get why I’m doing things I hate and that make me feel like shit, when I could be doing things I like and make me feed good.

I know all the things to do. I know about making simple, easy to make, healthy meals. I know about tidying as I go and doing a little end of the day tidy before bed. It’s like my brain is fucked or something. If I know these things, why don’t I do them?

I don’t know what to do.
[/QUOTE]

I think the key to all this lies in one of things on your list. That’s what I’ve found, anyway. And that thing is exercise. When I exercise regularly I have more energy, actually don’t crave as much sweets (and I LOVE sweets) and find that I’m more buttoned up in every way. Also, the more time you spend at the gym or running or on a bike, etc, the less time you find yourself having to just be lazy and eat junk food. And when you’ve gone through the effort to exercise, you don’t want to just undo it with a bag of chips and dip or a gigantic snickers bar. I’ve also found that it’s smart to have food you can eat that is healthy. as much of a sweet tooth as I have, I also like celery, jello, almonds (but not too many), and cottage cheese. None of these things are meals, but they’re enough to stop me from satisfying munchies with shit food—which I don’t keep in the house. With one exception: I always have a few bars of really good dark chocolate I keep in the fridge. I prefer milk, but I find that I’ll just scarf down the whole bar. With some rich dark chocolate all I want are a couple of squares. It satisfies my sweet tooth and I’m good for a while.

Maybe some of that will work for you. Good luck.

On preview: But they key is to make yourself exercise, whatever it takes. I joined a nice gym and bought a nice bike. I’m all about eliminating excuses.

5

A great positive you can take from this right now FloatyGimpy is that at the very least, you’ve recognised that you have a bit of a problem.
I have a tale which might resonate, or might seem totally unrelated, but it might help…
A few years ago, I was a not disimilar to how I am now, quite happy really. I used to go out a lot and probably drink way too much, eat badly and smoked. Fortunately, still being in a university environment, I still played plenty of sport to try and keep in some sort of shape. Anyway, I always had this nagging doubt/problem that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. For Christmas, I got a few book tokens and so headed off down the book shop and bought a few novels and a quit smoking book. It worked, I quit immediately and haven’t smoked since (and truthfully have no desire to either) and it’s been 5 years. Great. How does this relate to you? Well, a strange thing happened afterwards. Over the next few months I started to change a lot of other things about my life; I started paying my bills on time, going out a bit less (ie not every night), drinking less, being a bit more considerate etc etc
As far as I remember, I didn’t make any great conscious effort to sort these things out, it just happened. It seemed reasonable. I knew how I ought to behave all along, but I didn’t do it. Why not? This is my theory. Get past the one big obstacle that’s inhibiting your ability to organise and behave the way you’d like to and the rest is all gravy.
Note: this is my experience and may have no relevance to the real world.

Good luck!

6

Start inviting friends (particularly of the opposite sex if possible) over for poker or whatever once a week, and make sure that the place looks good before they get there.

7

Are you feeling overwhelmed? Sometimes our house (and my body) gets that way, too, and it’s frequently because there’s just so freaking much to do - scrub the toilets and the sinks and the floors and the tubs, wash the dishes - every night - clean the counters, vacuum, etc. - that just thinking about it instills this instant lethargy and almost fear of doing anything at all.

At that point, I start taking baby steps. Set the timer for 15 minutes in the kitchen and see how much I can do. And that gets me started. Or as soon as I get home, don’t sit down - get that 15-20 minutes in first, so I don’t just start eating mindlessly and instead get things done. That way if I don’t do anything else for the rest of the night, I have the satisfaction of having done SOMETHING. And if I do have that motivation, I can spend it on extra cleaning or getting some exercise. As an added bonus, the moving around is an albeit very gentle form of exercise, but exercise nonetheless, and it’s harder to eat when your hands are busy.

For what it’s worth, when I’m really good about keeping the house clean and getting started, I usually find myself energized enough to do more and I lose about a pound a week. Which is why I need to start doing it again because my house looks like a bomb went off and I’ve gained 5 pounds of the 25 back that I lost between October and January.

8

Sounds like you’re overwhelmed and stressed to me. I’d try to get more exercise and focus on little things at a time. If the stress is affecting other areas of your life, I might suggest seeing a doctor about a small dosage of an SSRI to give you a kick start. I’m not saying medicate yourself to fix your life, but it might help reduce your stress until you can correct the behavior you dislike about yourself.

9

[QUOTE=Heffalump and Roo]
… So what to do?* Consider what’s causing the stress and work on that. Think about whether your behavior is caused by something else and is actually shielding you from something else. Maybe consult a professional.

[/QUOTE]

FloatyGimpy: No “maybe”. Please go talk to a professional, find out what’s causing your self-destruction, and make yourself better. Good luck.

10

[QUOTE=Johnny L.A.]
Well… You’re gimpy, and you float. :smiley:
[/QUOTE]

I lol’ed, thank you, I needed a “lol” :slight_smile:

[QUOTE=Heffalump and Roo]
I never know when someone asks these questions like this, if you really wanted an answer or if the question was rhetorical. If the question was rhetorical, my apologies. If not, the answer is reptilian brain.* /QUOTE]

I don’t think it was rhetorical. I kind of figured that, even if nobody read it or responded, that at least I could get it out and admit that something is not working for me. I think you’re right regarding the reptilian brain though. I am going through some unpleasant stuff atm.

[QUOTE=magellan01]
I think the key to all this lies in one of things on your list. That’s what I’ve found, anyway. And that thing is exercise. When I exercise regularly I have more energy, actually don’t crave as much sweets (and I LOVE
[/QUOTE]

It’s exactly the same for me which makes it that much crazier that I am not exercising when it makes me feel so good!

[QUOTE=Andy]
For Christmas, I got a few book tokens and so headed off down the book shop and bought a few novels and a quit smoking book. It worked, I quit immediately and haven’t smoked since (and truthfully have no desire to either) and it’s been 5 years.
[/QUOTE]

I quit smoking in January and was doing really well for a while there. Eating properly, exercising, losing weight and feeling pretty good about myself.

[QUOTE=Sage Rat]
Start inviting friends (particularly of the opposite sex if possible) over for poker or whatever once a week, and make sure that the place looks good before they get there.
[/QUOTE]

Haven’t any friends :frowning:

[QUOTE=overlyverbose]

For what it’s worth, when I’m really good about keeping the house clean and getting started, I usually find myself energized enough to do more and I lose about a pound a week. Which is why I need to start doing it again because my house looks like a bomb went off and I’ve gained 5 pounds of the 25 back that I lost between October and January.
[/QUOTE]

Funny how they all work together like a puzzle. When one isn’t getting done, the rest all fall apart. I sometimes thing I should treat myself like a Sim. Making sure all the little parts are being fulfilled.

[QUOTE=Autolycus]
Sounds like you’re overwhelmed and stressed to me. I’d try to get more exercise and focus on little things at a time. If the stress is affecting other areas of your life, I might suggest seeing a doctor about a small dosage of an SSRI to give you a kick start. I’m not saying medicate yourself to fix your life, but it might help reduce your stress until you can correct the behavior you dislike about yourself.
[/QUOTE]

I was on an SSRI a few years ago. I credit it with saving my life after a suicide attempt. I think I’d like to try to stay off of them for now though, unless things get really bad.

[QUOTE=nivlac]
FloatyGimpy: No “maybe”. Please go talk to a professional, find out what’s causing your self-destruction, and make yourself better. Good luck.
[/QUOTE]

I may just do this. It has always helped in the past, to have someone to talk to.

Thank you for all of the replies.

~FloatGimpy

11

[QUOTE=FloatyGimpy]

Funny how they all work together like a puzzle. When one isn’t getting done, the rest all fall apart. I sometimes thing I should treat myself like a Sim. Making sure all the little parts are being fulfilled.

[/QUOTE]

Even though it sounds silly, you really should! Sometimes we forget to take care of ourselves the way we’d take of some creature, like a cat or dog (or sim), that depends on us. I bet if you had a cat, you wouldn’t let its litter get so dirty and unappealing.

Years ago I owned a horse. During this time I had this oozing rash on my hand. I kept putting off going to the doctor, thinking, Oh, there’s no time for a doctor, it’s going to cost $$, it’ll go away on its own. Till one day my riding instructor said to me, “you know, if that was on your horse you’dve had the vet out a month ago.” :smack: I made an appointment (it had secondary AND tertiary infections!) and vowed to treat myself as well as I’d treat an animal in my care.

Sometimes things seem overwhelming, and that makes it hard to start. So, instead of thinking “I have to clean the whole place” just say, I’ll whatever I can do in 10 minutes (set a timer) and then stop. Really you’d be amazed what 10 minutes can do.

And think what you can do to improve social interaction. Maybe there’s a walking group you could join? or some other physical interest, like hiking, biking etc… I bet there are groups just yearning for new members!

12

I definitely agree with the see a professional advice.

I used to be you. And to some extent, I still am. I don’t do the candy/junk food thing any more, but I am still very bad about cleaning up after myself. And I live alone, so no one to nag me.

What do I do? I have cleaners come every two weeks. And I know people will say that some people can’t afford it, but from your post, you are spending hundreds on junk food. Just reroute that to using on a cleaning service.

The way I figure, the damage I can do in two weeks of laziness is so little that I can pick up enough for the cleaners to come in and do their thing.

Susan