Is there a chance one might not have control of being lazy or being productive?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’m lazy, but I definitely don’t want to be. I do suffer from depression, but that doesn’t seem to me like it’s the cause of all my problems. Even writing this post is a task for me. I really don’t like to do anything, and have to force myself to do little things like take out the garbage, or shave.

When I was working, I wasn’t lazy on the job AT ALL; but I was anxious, had OCD, and was depressed as hell. All I could think about is not being at work.

My parents didn’t really put much stress on me to keep my room clean, or do my own laundry, learn to cook, or help around the house.

I often feel like I’m going to fail at whatever it is I’m doing. I feel so overwhelmingly hesitant to do tasks that my father has to come by just to make sure my place is clean bi-weekly. I do all of the work, (NOT my father, and I usually do it RIGHT before he comes over), but it’s like I NEED to know he’s coming in order for me to clean.

Is there anything I might be able to blame this on other than depression, my upbringing, or… myself? Is There a lazy gene? :confused:

2

What are your waking hours filled with? What do you do with your time?

3

That’s a good question, I ussually play video games, watch SOME TV, spend a lot of time on the internet, go out for walks.

I actually just joined a gym, but it’s HELL trying to force myself to go.

4

I’ve been in the same position as the OP, but am gradually getting out of it. I still don’t finish half the things I start but that’s an improvement from where I was and I go to the gym regularly (once you get into a routine, it’s not an option any more: you just do it).

In response to the question posed, I’d say it’s largely a nurture thing and largely based on how you were raised in early life. You can become a highly-motivated, proactive person later in life, but it’s much more difficult than just starting out that way while you’re first getting into habits.

Oh, but there are some physiological and neurological conditions that can hugely affect energy levels and depression is certainly one of them.

5

Why do you say that? Lack of energy and difficulty getting started on tasks you’d like to accomplish are textbook symptoms of depression. In fact, they’re specific diagnostic criteria straight out of the DSM IV

An astute observation. If you’re going to fail, why would you start on anything. I believe your lack of confidence derives from your depression. At least that’s the way it is for me.

Do you have control over your “laziness”? Well, yes but it’s not a simple matter of deciding not to be lazy anymore. Cognitive behavioural therapy and antidepressant medication have helped many people.

It was a nice feeling for me to learn that my laziness is not simply a moral failing but symptom of illness. There’s a risk that you’ll use that knowledge as an excuse but I don’t think you necessarily will. Work on the root cause of the problem and the problem will get better.

6

If you are asking whether you are irrevocably doomed, by genetics and/or upbringing to always being lazy, then I think the answer is “no”. Your life could take a direction that will affect your motivations and make you much more industrious. (Which is not to say that that *will *happen, or even that it is especially likely.)

Beyond that, I think this verges on being just a version of the (libertarian*) free will vs. determinism debate. Good luck with finding a settled answer to that one!

In either case, this thread clearly belongs in GD or possibly IMHO, not GQ.

*A metaphysical view about causality, that should not be confused with the vapid political/economic ideology that goes under the same name.

7

Are you involved in any treatment for depression?

8

Everything I read here sounds like a classic example of depression and/or an anxiety disorder. (Heck, maybe both). I think talking to a medical professional has to be part of what you do. Both medication and counseling may be beneficial, but a professional needs to make that decision.

On the self-help side, many people say that exercise helps them to feel better and more energized, both emotionally and physically. Since exercise is good for your health anyway, that’s a good place to start.

Try arranging your day so that you are rewarding yourself for doing things you don’t like. For example, half an hour of housecleaning “earns” half an hour of video games. This way, finishing the cleaning has a double reward - not only is the house clean, but you get to do something you enjoy. In general, try putting the things you enjoy off to the end of the day, after you get the things you need to do done. Start small and work towards the level of discipline you want over time. Don’t think you’re going to be an Army drill sergeant by tomorrow through sheer force of will.

Finally, since your father seems to be a good motivator for you, see where else you can incorporate “accountability partners” into your life. Maybe you can find a friend at the gym who will hold you accountable for exercising. If your video games are something like World of Warcraft, ask someone online to give you a kick in the butt if you exceed x hours of gaming.

9

Yes, medicated by one doctor, talk to another.

Good advice dracoi.

It seems like if I get on the road to being active, it’s a huge lifestyle change and I fear that.

10

I view myself as chronicaly lazy but those around me see me as an endless working machine. At work I have alwasy been known as one of the hardest workers but in my own mind I feel like I am a lazy person. Now that I am retired I putz constantly from one small object to another but my dishes and basic house cleaning I have to force myself to do. Sometimes I will go a month without washing my car, yet I am constantly working on something.
When I had my business I simply paid people to do all the things I hated doing and spent my time doing things I liked to do and it worked out great. I sometimes feel like I am a fraud because i have a reputation as such a hard worker yet I have alwasy been able to manipulate myself into positions where I could avoid certain types of tasks that required dicipline and regularity.
I was so lazy that if I forgot to turn off the light in the garage I would sometimes drink the light off instead of walking outside about 30 ft and turning it off. When I quit drinking I was forced to become more responsible just so I could live with myself. Any obseeive hobby or behavior could substitute for drinking including vidio games.

11

Since this is mostly going to involve advice, it’s better suited to IMHO than GQ.

Colibri
General Questions Moderator

12

“Depression” is the standard knee-jerk explanation for all the things the OP describes – perhaps rightly so. But he wonders if it might be something else – like a brain disorder or something?

That might just be possible. Read up on “Executive function” and “Executive Dysfunction” in Wikipedia.

Just a possibility to wonder about.

13

I hope this isn’t too much of a derailment, but I would like to hear a bit more about this. I’ve always had trouble making myself work out. There was a time when I went to the gym at the same time almost every day for over a year. But I never got the point to where I felt like “it’s not an option any more.” Every single day it was a huge struggle to force myself to do it, I always hated it, and it never really felt like a true “routine” like brushing my teeth is (where I wouldn’t say I enjoy it, but I don’t give it any thought – it just happens). After so many months of forcing myself to go, and hating every minute of it, I finally decided it just wasn’t worth the stress, and stopped again.

Is this just some personality difference, or is there something I should do differently to make it actually become a routine? In the past people have told me that if I got out of the gym and ran outside (for example), everything would be better, but I have found that not to be the case (across several physical activities I’ve tried over the years).

14

What Senegoid said.

If your main problem is lack of motivation, but you actually do get some positive emotion from doing things once you get started, you may not have a simple, straightforward case of depression. (Then again, you might–IANAD.)

ADD, for instance, can give you lack of motivation, with a side helping of depression or anxiety problems. Some other health problems that originate in places other than your brain can do that, too.

Good luck.

15

For years I exercised off and on and didn’t really get anywhere.

I know now that getting into a routine is important, so for example I joined a fairly grubby, expensive gym just because it’s within 5 minutes walk from my house. I load up my mp3 player with new music and it’s something I look forward to going to do (I couldn’t work out without music…too boring).

For you it might be different and there are other factors that might make you more likely to go e.g. going with a friend from work. Whatever works.

Once you start to see results it’s much easier to stay motivated because you’re getting positive feedback and also because you don’t want to throw away your hard work.

And you don’t have to go nuts. I’m big enough to get compliments and people asking for workout advice, yet I only work out twice a week (though I also run 2-3 times a week).

16

I have ADD and sleep apnea. Both are being treated, just like my depression. On a good day, when I’m not depressed, I still hesitate to do stuff. As much as I’m ‘in and out’ of my apartment, I still need to force myself to get the mail. All the mail I get is either junk, (which just piles up until I get the motivation to take out the trash), or bills, which means more work has to be done.

Right now I lost my pocket planner. I got a new one, but I’m procrastinating writing in the dates of all my appointments.

I’m really trying to be proactive about not being proactive. Like getting the sleep study was my idea, specifically because I just don’t do anything productive.

Video games aren’t a problem because I don’t play them too much each day… the internet, on the other hand, may be a different story. But I’m not really glued to anything. I get bored, but I would rather be bored than cleaning, or cooking.

I don’t want to say it ‘hurts’ to do work… that’s an overstatement. I’m just so reluctant. I don’t feel as if it’s something I have control over… but as I said before, it would be a major lifestyle change if I were to just do things that normal people seem to have no problem doing.

I really do want to know if it’s not the depression… because it really doesn’t feel like it. The ADD thing might be a factor… when I worked, I was all over the place. I WAS a very hard worker when I was at work, but it was really a nightmare. I would get obsessive over little things, and dreaded going. I have a tough time with all the problems I have.

I dread the day my folks are gone, because I don’t know if I can get by on my own. They don’t help me with working on things, unless I genuinely need advice or guidance, which is often. There’s a lot that I don’t know. That’s why some of the problem might be that I’m afraid to fail at something, but that can’t be the case with things like taking out the garbage, so…

I don’t know.

17

**Senegoid **

Interesting links

18

Apparently I have a clone in New York…

You sound a lot like me.

If it’s ADD, you might be getting bored. I find I can’t work without music most of the time. Sometimes that’s not enough and I have to put a movie or something on (obviously, this only works at home).

Do you go outside very often? If I’m not getting any sunshine, my depression is worse and I don’t want to do anything. Just eating lunch outside is usually enough.

You have to find tricks to fool yourself. I’ll count to three and then do it, like a parent counting down to a kid. But I usually forget that works.

Talk to your doc. If you can afford it, see a therapist and do what they say.

19

Me too. Funny, i thought about doing the counting thing, and I almost reacted and grabbed some trash off my desk! I’m going to have to try that. Think ill go outside for whatever little sunshine is left in the day! Thanks for the advice.

20

The question kind of misses out on the real question. Fact is, “you” - which is to say the “you” that expierences thing in a fundamental way, at least as far as I can tell, has no control over anything at all. Free will is an illusion, sensation isn’t. You’re a passenger along for the ride - it just happens that my robot has noticed this and is telling you. The bit of me feeling sensation has nothing to do with it, it’s just doing what the robot says.

Embrace this new reality, it will liberate you.