Black Weddings

In My Humble Opinion
1

Last weekend my husband and I went to the wedding of two of our black friends. We knew we would be the only two non-black people there. When I mentioned this to several friends, saying I was excited about going, and wondering how it would be different from the 60+ “white” weddings I have been to, my friends seem to think this was a mildly racist view. I pointed out that it would be racist of me if I had said I dreaded going to this wedding because they were black, and I doubted a black wedding would be a good as a white one. But that was not what I said or meant. I was looking forward to going, looking forward to experiencing something new. I was curious to compare and see what might be different. They still insisted that was racist, because I was expecting it to be any different than white weddings.

Well let me tell you. It was not anything like any of the other weddings I have been to. So my question now is was this wedding similiar to most black weddings, or was this wedding just plain unusual? If anyone else has been to any all-black weddings, I would be curious what your experiences were.

And I realize many things make weddings different. Religions, geography, age and previous marital status of the couple, size and location of wedding, how involved the in-laws are, the list could go on and on. But here was my experience, how does it compare to others?

The wedding was at a Baptist church, in an all black part of town. When my husband and I approached the church, we were greeted warmly by the relatives of the groom, and the bridesmaids and groomsmen who were standing outside. The usher asked, “bride or groom?” and escorted us to our seat. A pianist was playing pretty music, but it was just background to much loud talking and laughter. Several people came over to us and introduced themselves, and told us they were glad we were there. A few people sat near us, and made small talk with us, discussing what a happy day this was. The groom popped out of the room he was waiting in everytime someone he knew walked in. He hugged us and said he was ready.

When the actual ceremony started, the pianist stopped, and some smooth R &B instrumental music started. The best man and maid of honor started down the isle. They danced together in step, sort of a lean to the right, take a step, lean to the left, take a step. They were giggling a bit, and everyone in the audience giggled with them. Many in the “audience” (not sure what the right word is) swayed back and forth as they watched the procession. Everyone else who came down the isle did this sort of groove thing, including the ring bearer and flower girls. They all looked to be having a great time, smiling ear to ear. When the bride approached the doorway, that music stopped, and a great R & B love song I had never heard came on. The bride danced down the isle, singing some of the words to her groom as she approached.

When the couple exchanged vows, the audience chimed in with an “oh, yes you do!” “Ah honey, that’s right!” after each sentance. And some of the sentances got a huge reaction. When the part of “Do you promise to obey?” came, the audience really laughed, and gave a great, “amen!” and clapped a bit.

Then the groom’s sister sang a song. She had an awesome voice, and really belted out a heartfelt love song. As she sang, the couple sort of acted out the words. It seemed very impromtu, they were just caught up in the moment. The audience laughed and said more “amens.” The exchanging of the rings brought more vocal approval. After they kissed, loud hooting and hollering. Then everone shifted position so they could witness the jumping of the broom. The couple took quite a bit of time preparing for that, but once it was crossed, they hugged and kissed again. We clapped and cheered.

Then they stood at the front of the church and hugged and kissed us all as we passed by. After the ceremony, more people came up to us and thanked us for coming and said they were glad we were there. They made sure we had directions to the recepetion, and even offered to wait for us so we could just follow them to make sure we didn’t get lost in what I am sure they realized was an unfamiliar part of town.

My husband and I both agreed that was the best wedding we had ever been to. We hated to see it end, unlike most when we couldn’t wait for it to be over. And we really felt like we weren’t just there to witness the event, but we really participated in it. We had started the day only knowing the bride and groom, but when we left, we felt we had many new friends, met many wonderful people. Everyone was so full of joy, and happiness, it impossible not to feel the same way.

So now before I tell my friends about the wedding, and expose my racist view that black weddings are WAY better than white weddings, I am wondering how much of our experience was typical, and how much was unusual. In particular the part where the audience called out and cheered the couple on through-out the entire ceremony. Most other weddings have an atmosphere of happiness, but seriousness, and quiet attentiveness. The reception might get loud and wild, but while in the church, it is usually somewhat reserved. In this church it was an atmosphere of happiness, but no attempt made to be quiet and serious. And that made it so much more enjoyable for me. And even though most all in attendance were southern baptists, none of the music was church related, the minister didn’t “preach” at all, In fact was as if God was so much a part of the ceremony, to mention him at all would have been redundant.

So any one have any similiar experiences?

2

That was so beautiful, thank you for sharing.

I’ve never been to anything like that, and I’ve never been to any Black weddings.

3

Great description! I’ve never been to a wedding in a black church, but I’ve been to several funerals. (Is it a sign that you are heading downhill, when more of your friends are dying than are getting married?)

Black funerals I’ve been to are just as different from white as the wedding you described is different from weddings of white people that you have attended.

I really don’t want a religious ceremony when I depart this life, but one of my sons may well insist on it, and I won’t be around to kick his butt, so…

I’ve left written instructions that if survivors want a funeral ceremony, it’s to be held at the Oziah Primitive Baptist Church, right up the road from my house. The preacher and several of the good ladies of the church are aware of my wishes.
Those folks know how to send you off in STYLE! There’s not much of the “mourning your passing” stuff, and lots more of the “celebrate your life” feeling. If it’s your time to go, that’s the only way.

4

Interesting, and not racist at all.

Blacks in general represent a different culture from that of whites. Obviously not all blacks are part of this “black” culture, and there are different subtypes of black culture in America. But to be ignorant of this fact and just expect or not even question that a black wedding would be identical to a white one isn’t being PC it’s being culturally ignorant. So I wouldn’t feel racist at all for expecting it to be different.

It’d be like going to Japan and expecting a Japanese wedding to be like that of two white Christians getting married in Florida.

5

Your friends need to understand the difference between quality and attributes. Something can be different without being better or worse. I love going to events where there will be cultural things that are different than I have experienced before. It’s a great learning experience.

I am an atheistic Jew but I’ve always felt that if I were ever a Christian, I’d attend an African American Baptist church. Those services look like loads of fun and I’d love the music.

Haj

6

Any wedding, whether the couple is black, white, or whatever, is going to be different, depending on the couples choices regarding the wedding. I’ve attended, and been in the wedding party, for black couples, white couples and couples where one person was white and one black.
Your description is completely different from any wedding I’ve attended - for the most part, those have been the fairly standard ceremony, without any real deviations from the supposed norm.

The receptions are where the ones I’ve been to either stand out or turn into the “can I leave yet” thing - and the most fun of those that I’ve been to are Italian weddings.

7

When I was in high school, I participated in competitive theater. (Yes, there is such a thing!) We would take our short show to other schools to compete. Other students from other schools would watch our performance, and we’d watch theirs. We’d rotate schools, so everyone would get a chance to host.

We were carefully warned by our director before going to the schools with a high porportion of black kids that the audience would be very different, their reactions to our plays would be very different, and we had to be prepared for this so as not to be thrown off our cues. And he was right. At the comedies, they laughed more, and louder. They would make cat calls at cute girls and boo and hiss the villian. Smart ass comments would be a flyin’. For dramatic pieces, they’d yell out advice to the characters (“Dump his cheatin’ ass, girl!”), and loudly grumble their disaproval of certain actions or even jump up and yell.

At first, it felt like they were trying to derail our performance. After a bit though, it became apparent that they were simply more vocal about their emotional involvement in the piece, and were not working under the same theater ettiquette rules that I had been raised in (sit quietly, don’t talk, clap at the end or for a spectacular bit of work in the middle - usually only in musicals.) Talking to one girl afterwards revealed that when we were their audience, they felt certain we hated their (very well-done and moving) pieces, because we were so quiet. Our being quiet and enthralled threw them off!

What was my point again? Oh, yes. The “audience” at your wedding sounds a lot like the audience at those shows. There are different social rules for what’s appropriate.

And sounds like a damn fun wedding!

8

Darn, I want a black wedding now… or at least a wedding like in the OP :slight_smile:

9

It’s a nice day for a black wedding . . .

10

Never been to a black wedding myself, but all the weddings I’ve been to were Catholic and let me tell you: other than taking place in the same town, in churches belonging to the same religious order, and having about 100 guests in common… any relationship between my brother’s wedding and my cousin’s was pure coincidence!

The wedding you describe sounds a lot like one I went to, where the bride and groom both belong to a Neochatecumenal group (I do hope I spelled that right) and to a secular choir. I’m used to Masses with lot of singing, but those guys danced half of it.

11

Waddya mean, are they different or the same? Geesh, don’t you ever watch “Funniest Home Videos”? What you describe is nothing like the videos I’ve seen of Black (or White) Weddings. I mean, when did the groom faint? When did the best man throw up? When did the flower girl turn around and bolt towards the back of the church, crying her little heart out? Or the ring bearer who refused to walk down the aisle?

Singing? Joy? Support and enthuasism? This wasn’t a wedding at all… :rolleyes:

Why, I believed you were conned…

Please know that this was posted with the greatest amount of dry sarcasm, and in no way am I serious. It actually sounded like a great wedding–regardless if it was a “Black” or a “White” wedding.

12

When I came in this thread, I expected to hear something about a marriage of Goths. But, what a great story.

And, as far as what to tell your friends, I think you should simply tell your friends that their weddings were not nearly as joyous as this one, and leave it at that, because you certainly don’t want to be accused of saying anything more specific that might be offensive to them. :slight_smile:

13

Thank you for posting that story. It really made me smile. I hope that my wedding can be as joy-filled as the one you described. . . even though I’m white. :wink:

I’ve been to a few black weddings, and though they weren’t exactly as you described, they were definitely more passionate, joyful, and easy-going than white weddings. I even went to a wedding of a black couple once where all the music was a cappella sung by a choir. Beautiful.

14

I always cry at weddings, and after reading the OP I even cried at a wedding I didn’t go to!!!

Sounds like it was beautiful, and I don’t just mean the dresses and decorations.

:slight_smile:

15

Black guy checking in, my sister married just last year. They did do the step dance to the alter as did the bridesmaids and groomsmen (I can’t remember what the song was). There was no jumping the broom, but I have seen it at a few weddings including my best friends. My wife and I sang a duet of “If this World were Mine” at my sisters wedding. Audience participation varied, but in my own wedding the “Love, Honor and Obey” line got a lot of laughs, my sister and her husband wrote their own vows so they didn’t have that line.

16

'Racism has historically been defined as the belief that race is the primary determinant of human capacities, that a certain race is inherently superior or inferior to others, and/or that individuals should be treated differently according to their racial designation. Sometimes racism means beliefs, practices, and institutions that discriminate against people based on their perceived or ascribed race. ’

I read the OP and got curious as to the dictionary definition of racism, so the above comes from wikkipedia. From what I gather, you could define expecting a black wedding to be better, worse, or even different, as racist, but it would be a very narrow definition. A definition practically spoiling to start a fight/ make people feel bad.

Different people do things differently. My laid back, crunchy-granola cousin’s wedding had dogs running through the ceremony and half the wedding party was bare foot. My other cousin’s wedding would have made Martha Stewart feel like a slacker, it was so well produced. Knowing both of them, I expected their weddings to be different in terms of casual/formal. Does that mean I’m discriminating or just using my brain and what I’ve learned of the world thus far, to make wise fashion choices for the big day?

Some people need to remember that different doesn’t equal bad.

17

They may have been southern, and they may have been Baptists, but I doubt that they were Southern Baptists. The Southern Baptists split from the Baptists in the 19th century over doctrinal issues, mainly slavery, which the Baptists condemned.

18

I would just like to state that my own honkyified wedding we did the chicken dance! How much more white can you get? pales in comparison to that lovely wedding you described.
I want a do over! and corn rows or dread locks. Oh, and some coloring would be nice too.

19

Grits,
Your experience is what I experienced , too, for a long time living in Mississippi. I doubt you were experiencing So. Baptist, though, there are different Baptist churches for African-Americans . So, welcome to the great supportiveness of Black churches, and the beautiful flower of that culture. It is the underlying basis of modern American music, the place where African culture was “let be”, under the auspices of Christianity. It’s a strength and miracle carried by so many people under great duress, who kept their culture alive behind the only doors available.

My experience with Af-Am-Black churches has been equally welcoming. Take that with you into the wider world, and realize the true beauty and strength of it. I hate to say it, but white churches just, um, pale in comparison.

20

What exactly is "jumping the broom?