Another wedding poll- subtle regional and cultural differences...

In My Humble Opinion
1

…or the why, yes, two close friends did get engaged this weekend, how did you know thread.

I think all the different customs in marriage rituals are fascinating, but sometimes I think merely about how exotic a traditional Cambodian Buddist wedding or a traditional Morraccan ceremony seems to a Catholic chick from Pittsburgh. The two threads on kids at weddings made me think of the more subtle but just as real mores of “traditional” Western weddings.

This is what I can expect when I go to a wedding (besides kids):

  1. We will dance the Chicken Dance.

  2. We will dance the Money Dance. I did not know that this was not universal or could be considered tacky until I read the shocked accounts of it in etiquettehell.com.

  3. There will be a cookie table- the little old Italian ladies will bake pizelles and ladyfingers, the little old Greek and Syrian ladies will bake baklava, the little old Polish ladies will bake those delicious poppy seed things. Again, I did not know that this was not universal until I talked to a girl planning her wedding in central Pa. She said that if she had a cookie table, she’d end up with a table of chocolate chips cookies (not like that’s a bad thing).

  4. There will be roast beef, fried chicken, and rigatoni. I was twenty-seven years old before I realized that the marriage would be legally valid if you served pork loin and salmon. Me, I’m a rebel. A non-conformist. I dance to a different drummer, I do my own thing. So at my wedding, we served roast beef, fried chicken, and ravioli.

What can you expect when you go to a wedding?

2

My wedding is March 1, 2003. Here in the Big Apple, weddings are huge and obnoxious. My fiance and I have vowed to make ours fun and intimate and laid-back.

There will be NO chicken dance or any other “organized” dance though. Just good music to hopefully spur people into dancing.

At NY weddings you can expect:

At least 80% of the women to be wearing black cocktail dresses.

There to be a LAVISH cocktail hour with ice sculptures (not at mine though - so my guests better get their fill of pigs in a blanket!)

Physical fights over the bouquet and garter tosses.

Lots of sequins

A 3 or 4 course meal - Appetizer, Salad, Entree (either fish, chicken or beef) and Dessert.

Way too much food.

Way too much alcohol.

The weddings you go to sound way more fun!!!

3

  1. Any person wearing a little black dress will be assumed to be from New Jersey.

  2. A substantial subset of the guests will break into song at some point - usually serenading the couple with something meaningful, in four part harmony with a soprano descant.

  3. Even if you weren’t invited, you know there will be another party that evening or the next day, for family and possibly out-of-town guests.

  4. The gown will be reused for dancing events, and will be designed with that in mind. It will probably have been hand-made, too. And almost always of silk.

  5. A sizable minority of guests will arrive attired in kilts because that’s their only formal wear.

  6. There will actually be waltzes played during the dancing part of the event, and most of the guests will know at least the basics of how to waltz. (I was stunned when I went to a wedding where they didn’t even have ONE waltz!)

Okay, so I’ve got a small subculture thing going here for items 4, 5, and 6 - not regional, but most of my friends are social dancers of one sort or another.

4

Canadian generic protestant:

No dancing money

No dancing chickens.

Discreet bucket for cash donations

Speeches about the sexual purity of the bride, ie: a girl with one or two monogamous relationships in her past will be described in faux-joking oratory as a wanton hussy who required an industrial disposal bin to hold all the apartment keys re-collected from past one nighters. A bride previously known for wearing out the knees on all her pantyhose will wear Tampax white and a speechmaker will inform the crowd of how she had to attend special maiden classes to learn the approximate shape and location of the human penis. The 24 men in attendance who can testify as to her previous skill will discreetly crawl under the table and laugh violently until clubbed into submission by the matron of honor.

No cookies.

5

The Chicken Dance isn’t exactly what you’ld call organized. At the first bar of the song, everybody pours onto the dance floor and forms the circles. Congrats on your marriage! And intimate and laid-back always bests huge and obnoxious.

The idea of waltzing with a man in a kilt makes me feels woozy in a good way. I wanna go to a wedding in hedra’s circle.

Thank the good fucking gods that no one decided to do a sexual purity speech at my wedding. I may have had to silence them with that big feathery white pen or the two-tone metal wineglasses.

6

Money Dance? Cash Donations? :eek: I’ve never seen any of the things at weddings here in southern Merka. I’d be tempted to pull out the MC and say really loud “Do you take plastic too?” Of course, I’m willing to bet it’s been done, I’ve just haven’t had the horror of actually encountering it yet.

Wedding receptions tend to be based on what kind of church you get married in. At a Southern Baptist wedding, there will be really bad punch made out of such things as sherbert and ginger ale, strange little cookies covered in powdered sugar, that taste like lard covered in powdered sugar, mixed nuts (I swear this must be some kinda Baptist ritual thing, they have mixed nuts at everything they do it seems), cheese straws (but that’s a good thing, love me some cheese straws!), a groom’s cake (again tastes like lard covered in chocolate frosting…groom’s cakes are always chocolate), and a wedding cake that tastes like lard covered in butter.

The Methodists do a lot of the same stuff as the Baptists, except for the mixed nuts thing (I swear, it’s totally a Baptist thing). Methodists and Presbyterians do lean towards sit down dinners at wedding receptions. Roast beast or chicken being the only two acceptable entrees, or so it seems. The Presbyterians will sneak in some champagne, usually. The more progressive among the Methodists may also bring on the champagne ocassionally.

However, it’s the Episcopalians and Catholics who know how to throw the parties. Open bars, live bands, huge buffets (tho some will opt for the sit down dinner thing, thereby bringing on the chicken and/or roast beast), and cakes that don’t taste like lard covered frosting. Again, there is that noticeable absence of the mixed nuts (any attending Baptists are welcome to bring their own, however. :D)

They all have one thing in common…there will be those delectable, yummy, oh so full of cheesie and cayenne pepper goodness food of the Gods, Cheese straws, which are definitely a southern thing.

Speaking of wedding stuff, I think those computerized bridal registry thingies most stores seem to have these days are cool. I like going up to that little kiosk, punching in a name and finding out what they registered for, what they already have and what’s still up for grabs. How efficient this little system is. Now, there is no reason for the lovely bride to be to receive 15 olive forks but only 4 of those cute little luncheon plates instead of the 12 she so desparately longed for.

7

Buffalo, NY, Catholic

From the most casual, to the most formal, at about 11 PM, several sheet pizzas and buckets of wings are ordered in. This is because you need something to soak up the vast quantities of alcohol that have been consumed. When I moved away, and started going to the weddings of normal people (in other words, not from Buffalo), I was amazed to learn that pizza and wings are not a standard wedding item.

Yes on the Chicken Dance. Yes on the Electric Slide. Yes on the Hokey Pokey. I have never heard of the Monkey Dance. At South Buffalo weddings, we also have the “South Buffalo Shuffle” which is a line dance done to <i>Dock of the Bay</i>, and is traditionally punctuated with people falling over because the pizza and wings haven’t arrived yet.

8

Pizza and wings. Now there’s a wedding buffet! Throw in some cheese straws and beer and party all night!:cool:

9

I go to a lot of German/Slavic Catholic weddings. In Wisconsin. Yes, we play polkas, and not just the Chicken Dance. And yes, there’s always a few couples that know how to polka.

Also the dollar dance, and the “grand march,” which never seems very grand or march-like to me.

Oh, and since it’s Wisconsin–lots of kegs!

10

Catholic Ireland.
[ol]
[li]A looong day - married at 2.00, pub at 3.00, hotel for drinks at 5.00, meal at 7.00, speeches at 8.30, after dinner drinks at 9.30, band at 10.30, disco (don’t dare call it a DJ) at 1.30, drinks in bar at 3.00.[/li][li]Champagne, then beer, then wine (with the meal), then beer, then whiskey.[/li][li]Really bad music. Usually the band plays the strange Irish version of country music. There are waltzes but not of the Blue Danube variety. There has not been a song written that an Irish wedding band can’t set to waltz time.[/li][li]If it’s a good wedding, there’ll be set dancing (think Riverdance performed by the dangerously inebriated).[/li][li]Guests betting on the length of the speeches.[/li][li]Similar to Delphica’s experience, a second round of food arrives at around 11.00, usually sandwiches and cocktail sausages. This is both to soak up the booze and to mollify those who only got evening invitations, referred to as being invited to the ‘afters’ or the ‘slops’.[/li][li]Middle aged women dancing with one another.[/li][li]A formal farewell to the bride and groom, usually involving the ‘tunnel of love’. They come back 10 minutes later.[/li][li]The bride, resplendent in her £2,000 wedding dress, with a pint in one hand and a cigarette in the other at 4 AM in the hotel bar.[/li][li]Last song at the disco - New York, New York. Unless you wake up in the city that never sleeps, you’re not really married.[/li][li]The post mortem in the hotel bar the morning after. Usually develops into an all day session - it’s more a wedding weekend than a wedding day, which is why Friday is the best day to get hitched.[/li][/ol]

On a personal note, I have never enjoyed a day as much as my wedding day, which involved all of the above. If my wife would let me, I’d do it all again.

11

In South Carolina, specifically Charleston, alcohol is an integral part of the wedding, and invitees will mysteriously become ill or indisposed if they discover that it’s going to be a (oh-the humanity!) dry reception.
Until I went to a wedding in Virginia, I had never been to a sit-down dinner reception. Weddings around here almost always have buffet stations. There will generally be a prime rib carving station, and lots of shrimp, along with bacon wrapped scallops, a pasta station, fruits and veggies and cheeses, etc.

I have never seen a money dance or a chicken dance.
However, the bride will always make explicit requests to the DJ, banning the Electric Slide, Macarena, all such tunes. By the end of the night, though, everyone’s always “Riding the Train” around the dance floor anyway…

What else…single guys here are known for skipping ceremonies.
If a guy buddy shows up at your reception without a date and heads for the bar, you can bet he didn’t swing by the church first.

The envelopes of cash thing is not done around here, or if it is, it’s not seen.

Single males and females are nonchalant about the garter and bouquet toss. Adopt a blase appearance on the floor, and don’t even extend your hand, lest you look desperate or pushy!

Understated is the way to go. Wearing black is acceptable for evening or formal weddings, but sequins, big hair, excessive cleavage, etc. (pretty much anything Mariah Carey might wear) will be snickered upon…

12

Typical Israeli wedding:

  1. About 400 guests, often much more.

  2. A locked "mailbox for checks and a cart for gifts right near the entrance.

  3. People will show up late, sometime by a factor of hours.

  4. The appetisers - before the ceremony - will always include mini-burekas, goose liver pate and “cigars” (meat wrapped in filo-dough and deep-fried). Less booze than an American wedding, more soft drinks.

  5. During the ceremony there will seem to be around 120 people under the hupa.

  6. As soom as the groom breaks the glass and ends the ceremony, the DJ will play a song specifically requested by the happy couple to signify the beginning of the meal. We used “Good Lovin’”; the weirdest I’ve seen was the theme from the Muppet Show.

  7. A buffet with far too much food, all kosher, all catered.

  8. A DJ who won’t shut up, a hyperactive photograper, a hyperactive video cameraman, casually dressed waiters (all of them moonlighting college students).

  9. A first dance which the happy couple practiced for, albeit not enough. Often a tango.

  10. Very few speeches, if any. The bride, groom and their parents will work the tables and thus not eat a bite.

  11. Top-40 hits from 5 years ago; spanish pop; classic disco and 70’s R&B; a 50’s “twist” medley.

  12. At some point the happy couple will be elevated on the dance floor - the bride picked up on a chair, the groom on the best man’s shoulders, or both of them dancing on a raised table.

  13. The only people in jackets and ties will be the groom, his father, the bride’s father and possibly the best man. The more respectable guests will wear button-down shirts. The bride’s dress will cost at least $500.

  14. After a certain point - about an hour after the dancing starts - the “grownups” will form cliques around tables and start loud political arguments, while the “kids” (the happy couple and their friends) will take control of the dance floor. At this point the tequila-shot cart comes out, the music becomes more bleeding edge and the whole thing basically turns into a rave. Thhis will often last for several hours.

  15. At least one of the guests will be a minor celebrity or a politician.

  16. The dessert will include a big cake, lots of smaller cakes, and marzipan. Always marzipan. Turkish coffee will be served with dessert.

  17. The tab - usually divided between the parents of both sides - will approach $20,000. The “take” in cash and checks will a similar sum.

13

The money dance- The bride and groom are alone on the floor. A friend or father holds the money bag; another holds a tray of shots. You pay a dollar to twirl for a minute or two with either the bride or groom or both in turn; then, you get a shot if you wish and are of age. It’s only a dollar a pop, and I think it serves a purpose: you get one moment of conversation with the center of attention without all the other guests crowding around interupting.

One couple I know did a really nice variation on it. They had a slip of paper at each seat and requested that everyone write a word of advice or encouragement and pay for their dance with that. I did see that some of the older people just insisted on dropping cash in the bag with their slip.

Pizza is always ordered at the post-reception hotel room after party.

These cheese straws being talked about sound intriguing. I must investigate.

14

I had a semi-traditional Polish-Catholic wedding. That included

*The Grand March—long tunnel of people arching their arms, with the bride and groom at the end. You go through the tunnel, get a kiss from the bride and a handshake or hug from the groom, a shot of whiskey from the mother of the bride, and there’s a bucket at the end for “donations”. We did this in lieu of the money dance.

*Polish dinner of roasted chicken, keilbalsa, sweet n sour cabbage, peirogi, and taters.

*The unveiling—my mom removed my veil, my new mother in law pinned on a little hanky-cap. This same hanky was made into a bonnet for my son’s baptism

*Lots and Lots and Lots of alcohol

15

Michigan Irish Catholic weddings:

The wedding is always in the afternoon, the bride wears a fantastically expensive white dress w/ a train, and cousins who aren’t in the wedding party do the Bible readings and carry up the bread and wine. The bride usually leaves some flowers at the statue of the Virgin Mary at some point during the ceremony.

The menu at the reception consists of baked chicken, mostaccioli, green beans w/ almonds (possibly cooked carrots if the couple is feeling creative), potatoes (mashed or broiled), rolls, and a white multi-tiered wedding cake. Food is always served buffet-style, and heads will roll if there’s not an open bar. The tables always have a few cups of those yummy crumbly pastel mint candies and mixed nuts.

The chicken dance and hokey pokey are a must, along with lots of little kids running around and screaming. The priest normally comes to the reception to kick back a few with the family.

16

My wedding : Winnipeg, Manitoba

  1. Wife wanted small in intimate (rule of thumb for the guest list : If we hadn’t seen / talked to them within the last 12 months…GONZO)

  2. Live music (8 pc Swing band that rocked the joint all night long)

  3. Open bar

  4. Good food ; SIT DOWN MEAL. DO NOT if it can be avoided have a buffet.

  5. No Garter … Again VETO from the wife ( I agreed, but put up a show fight for it) It just seemed out of place after the whole evening.

  6. Instead of the clinking of the glasses ( sing a song, tell a story etc) to get the couple to kiss we had a wishing well and when people put money in my wife and I kissed… the bigger the donation the bigger the kiss ( some ass dropped in a $100 and wanted us to “do it” (he was kidding of course and it got a laugh) We made it clear that at the end of the night all of the money in the wishing well was going to be donated to the Canadian Cancer Society (we ended up with about $450 btw)

  7. Remember to throw the bouquet before leaving for the hotel :smack:

  8. Do not tell anyone where you are staying for the night… there is a juvenille tradition where the bridal party gets acces to the room (usually bribes someone at the hotel) and put cornflakes in the wedding bed… shaving cream & toliet paper in just about everything… you get the idea

17

Almost forgot … No Chicken Dance

18

Oh no sidle, I have seen the Chicken Dance in Charleston.
It is an ugly site. Even worse than the Electric Slide.
Why I can’t say, there is no accounting for taste. Even in our tasteful city.

19

If I go to a typical wedding around here, or where I grew up in Kentucky, I can expect:

  1. No alcohol. It’s not unthinkable to have booze at a wedding reception but churches won’t allow it if the reception is in the church. Plus people around here are poor, very few people are dropping more than 5k or so for the whole shabang. For the record I’ve never been to a wedding reception where there was booze. It’s just not done amongst my circle.

  2. No dancing

  3. No “money buckets” — that is considered tacky in these parts. We do give money down here but we stick the check in a card and hand 'em an envelope.

  4. Very rarely is there a sit down meal, unless you’re at some big ass huge wedding OR unless there is a potluck at the reception. Usually it’s just finger munchies and punch made from 7-UP and Hawaiian punch.

  5. I was shocked when I moved to WV to note that nobody has a groom’s cake here. Back in KY that was very very common … and the groom’s cake is usually chocolate and yummy and almost always tastes better than the wedding cake itself.

20

Western Canadian weddings (regardless of religion) - buffet or sit-down dinner - split about 50/50 between the two. Roast beef or chicken only; anyone serving anything weird like salmon will be talked about. Wedding cake and assorted squares for dessert. Wedding cake in doileys to take home always available. No food ordered in later, but the squares and desserts and coffee brought out again around midnight. Very few weddings are dry; having a dry wedding in Western Canada is implicitly asking your guests to sneak booze in.

No money dance (I’ve only seen this once, where the bride was Filipino).

Bride’s shoe usually passed around for people to put money in - I want to do this at my wedding, with my size 10’s. :smiley:

Butterfly dance used to be de rigeur - seems to be more of a Saskatchewan thing than an Alberta thing, though.

Chicken dance optional. Always at least one polka, and one real waltz. Surprisingly enough, most weddings I’ve been to have not played country music.

“Paradise by the Dashboard Light” will be played; a “Grease” medley is also extremely likely.

Garter and bouquet toss grudgingly attended by the single guys and girls; fake fight over tossed bouquet occasionally occurs. Wedding car and hotel room usually boobytrapped and/or desecrated.