Another wedding poll- subtle regional and cultural differences...

In My Humble Opinion
21

I love marzipan. I should find a way to get invited to an Israeli wedding.

I’m an Anglican from Toronto, the most multicultural city in the world!!.. (listens for cheering. Doesn’t get it.) and so I don’t know about standard wedding customs around here. I can, however, report on my cousins’ weddings, and how mine’s going to be different.

Evening weddings, $10,000 wedding dress, overdone flowers, many bridesmaids, cutesy flower girl, and a sit-down catered elegant dinner for 400. Chicken, salmon, or roast beef, open bar, and lots of champagne. A DJ is mandatory, but he doesn’t play the Chicken Dance or the Monkey Dance(?). You do, however, get to hear lots of 50’s and 80’s. One of my cousins rented a whole art gallery, and the guests strolled around sipping wine.
I’ve never been to a wedding that had the garter thing, although I’ve seen women nearly kill themselves for the bouquet. The bride and groom always disappear for HOURS to get their photos done, and the guests would starve if not for the plentiful trays of canapes.

Total wedding costs- probably $35,000

My wedding- (I’m getting married in December) 60 guests, all close friends and family. I made my wedding dress, (cost: $130) and my bridesmaid’s making her dress. I may also make my fiance’s outfit if he doesn’t find something he likes. We’re going to have the reception at my flower girl’s home ( she’s, ahem, 20. Look, she wanted to be a flower girl, okay?) and do hors d’ouevres (catered), pastries (we’ll order cool stuff from small bakeries), and sushi.

A photographer friend is going to do the photos for only the materials cost, and there will be no posing, and the pictures will be black and white. He’s also designing the invitations.

Another friend who’s a composer and a pianist is taking care of the music, and is going to write something for us.

I’m going to make my veil and jewelry, and the jewelry for the bridesmaid and flower girl. We’re ordering flowers from the florist down the street. Hopefully the total cost will be under $3000.

22

I’ve only ever been to two weddings, a Japanese / western wedding mixture and my own. I hope somebody who knows about the ‘average Australian wedding’ pops in to enlighten you, but I can share my wedding, which was not average AFAIK.

I was married by a celebrant on a clifftop. Mr Goo and I wrote our own service and invited 15 guests to watch the ceremony. Several things we didn’t compromise on : I refused to be ‘given’ away and I refused to have any mention of religion. There were numerous ‘traditions’ that I didn’t even know about, until people told me later that I didn’t do this or that. (like Mr Goo not seeing the dress beforehand, something old, something new, etc…) We then took them to a nice beachfront restaurant. Our guests have since told us privately, that it was one of the nicest weddings they’d ever been to.

I kinda liked it too. :smiley:

23

clap clap clap clap!!!

24

Hey-Pittsburgh Catholic Doper-you WILL be at the next PittDope, right?
-another Pittsburgh Catholic chick.

25

Although I just got married, we haven’t had a ceremony or party yet. Probably will involve:

No gifts, just cash. At a typical Japanese wedding a couple of friends sit at a table at the entrance of the banquet hall to greet everyone. The guests sign their names in a special book and hand an envelope with cash inside to the friends.

About 3/4 of the bride’s friends in western dresses, 1/4 in kimono. All of the men in suits.

Not much dancing.

Some speeches from our bosses. Hopefully, we can avoid this.

Plastic cake.

Lots of alcohol.

We give gifts to the guests.

After the main party for the family and friends, there’s a “second party” that just the friends go to. Much more alcohol, some games, male guests try to hit on female guests.

26

russian orthodox wedding, just watch deerhunter. very true to life. there must be folk dancing, kielbasa, pierogies, vodka, lots and lots of vodka.

27

North Carolina native checking in. The bride wears a huge poufy dress and her attendents all have matching gowns, usually pastel, often hideous. Wearing black is considered tacky, tacky, tacky. Many times the wedding takes place in church, but the reception is somewhere else, so boozing and dancing can take place. However, often, as swampbear mentioned, there’s no booze at all. :frowning:
Receptions are usually buffet style, with, of course, mixed nuts and cheese straws (…mmmmmm, cheese straws…) There may or may not be a band or a DJ. North Carolinians generally frown on overt displays of giving money, so no money dance, no money tree, etc. There’s usually a chocolate groom’s cake in addition to the wedding cake. The bride throws the bouquet of course, but they don’t throw the grater very often.
hedra, where are you from? I want to waltz with men in kilts! Kilted men are even yummier than cheese straws!

28

I’d love to, but actually my husband and I are living in Baltimore right now.

We have every intention of moving back to the South Hills though.

http://www.breadrecipe.com/az/CheeseStraws.asp]Cheese straws?

29

I am truly ashamed of my lack of coding skills.

30

People around here seem to be big on outdoor weddings. June is the #1 month and October is #2.

The ceremony is usually held at the beautiful pond/gardens in the center of our little town. Normally in the daytime with nobody wearing white but the bride. Childen are almost always allowed.

After the ceremony the reception can be held anywhere from the lovely hotel in town to the dude ranch up the road. The food is usually very good. Roast beef, chicken, red potatoes, etc…

After the meal there is much drinking and dancing usually to a DJ or local band. After attaining the required state of drunkeness the favorite dance is the turtle where you lay on your back and shake your arms and legs in the air (truly a sight to behold, especially the women wearing short dresses).

There are frequently disposable cameras on each table and the guests are encouraged to use up the film and then leave them to be collected for the bride and groom.

31

This area is predominantly Catholic and ethnicnally very diverse but segmented. Italians live in this part of town, Jews over there, Poles in that part, etc.
My observations…
-Must be planned two years in advance so the couple can get the party center they want.
-Invitations are huge and garish.
-Folks may blow off your reception if you don’t have an open bar.
-Some guests don’t speak any english.
-Don’t expect thank-you notes.
-Someone at your table will become obnoxiously drunk.
-Expect the following dances…
–Chicken dance
–Hokey Pokey
–Electric Slide
–Macarena
–Conga line
-A child will catch either the garter or boquet.
-Someone in the bridal party will become obnoxiously drunk.
-There’s a “wishing well” just inside the reception door for checks and cards.

Please, don’t let anyone here know about the “money dance”. The bride and groom often look upon their wedding as a “money-making” event rather than a way to share their joy with others.

32

Garter, not grater. Well I suppose they don’t throw the grater very often either. It’s rare to see people get drunk at weddings here. I think it would be considered extremely gauche.

33

I’m in the Delaware Valley (Philly-to-northern-Delaware). But you can find my subculture all over the place. Just look for Scottish Country Dancers, English Dancers, or Contra Dancers. Any wedding of the aforementioned groups will probably have at least ONE person in a kilt, and all of them know how to waltz. I’d say about half our male guests were in kilts. And all the male wedding attendants were (plus epeepunk, of course).

Okay, shameless ego link - pics of our wedding (including epeepunk in full attire. which, BTW, I made… and yes, I did make the kilt - 30 hours of hand sewing!).

34

Dammit, hedra, you lie! :wink: I went to a wedding of two Contra dancers last weekend and not one man was wearing a kilt! I even tried to convince my Contra dancing sweetie to wear one, to no avail. Of course, the wedding was outdoors and chiggers are a bit of a problem here, so he may have been wise to decline.

And sugaree, I gotta know. How do you do the Monkey dance?

35

NO! How sad! Okay, perhaps it requires some cross-pollination between the groups. If none of the Contra dancers was also a Scottish dancer, then no kilts. In our area, there’s a lot of cross-pollination (no, NOT cross-dressing, that’s something else…). :wink:
Come to think of it, I HAD heard that in some areas people don’t let their dancing side escape the narrow confines of classes and dance events. But that seems mighty weird to me.

I guess you’ll all have to come to the Del Val anyway.

36

I’m from Missouri here, and our weddings tend to have a few things in common:

If the couple isn’t REALLY churchy, there will be a reception with lots of beer at a location different from the church!

Mostly buffets for food.

Best man and Maid/Matron of Honor give the toasts.

There are always cream-cheese mints (YUM!) and mixed nuts on the cake table.

There’s usually a never-ending line for the beer. haha

The DJ always plays the chicken dance, and the Electric Slide (I told our DJ I would be very upset if he played the Electric Slide at my wedding, so we didn’t have that one). Oh yeah, they usually play YMCA too.

There is always the dollar dance where people give money to the best man or matron of honor in order to dance with the bride or groom. (The bride and groom will get the money from the other two).

For some reason everyone I know has rose bowls with floating candles as their center pieces (me included)…

Never heard of cheese straws, but they sound REALLY good!

That’s all my in put. haha :slight_smile:

37

For those of you who are intrigued by those delectable nummies known as cheese straws, here’s a link for the recipe:

Here’s a couple of helpful hints:

The cheese should be very sharp cheddar cheese. Cheesy goodness is the key.

If you like rye, throw in a teaspoon of rye seed. IMO they add to the yumminess.

If you own a cookie press, try pressing the dough through the press using the star press. Makes em real purty!:smiley: That’s how they’re fancied up for weddings and such.

A plate of cheese straws and ice cold beer will cure a lot of ills. Ok it’s not a cheese straw making helpful hint, but it is a fact. :stuck_out_tongue:

38

Most of my experience is with friends/cousins where at least one half of the couple was Jewish (usually way Reform) and Gen X, so here’s what you’re likely to see:

At least one very, very long, semi-drunken hora. If there’s only one, it will be “Hava Negilah.” There may also be others. It may also end up as a sort of Middle Eastern off-kilter conga line, snaking through the entire reception hall and, like a tornado, picking up everything and everyone in its path.

Also, klezmer music, some 50’s standards, some jazz standards, and some more mainstream wedding stuff like what many of you have mentioned. The bride is usually lifted up on a chair by the dancing multitudes at some point during the hora; groom optional. (He usually weighs a bit more.) Black is starting to be more accepted as guest attire, especially if the wedding is formal or it’s an evening reception; white is still very tacky. I always make sure my shoulders are covered during the ceremony, although that’s starting to fall by the wayside too.

As with any Jewish life cycle event, about 50 times more food than anyone could humanly eat. Chicken is almost always one of the options. 50/50 sit-down vs. buffet. Usually open bar, although frequently just sodas, beer, and wine with no hard liquor. (Personally, I think expecting your guests to pay for their refreshments is beyond tacky; I’d rather serve, or be served, Hawaiian Punch than be forced to pay for booze.) Since wine is part of the religious ceremony by requirement, there’s always some for the reception, too, along with a champagne toast for the bride and groom.

Also, a sweet table in addition to the wedding cake is very common. Ceremonies have run the gamut from extremely tradiitonal and entirely in Hebrew (although I’ve been to some Catholic weddings, mass and all, and boy, are Jewish ones short in comparison: if you’re 20 minutes late, you could miss most of the ceremony.) I’ve never been to a wedding where kids were specifically excluded, although if there’s an evening reception, people with kids tend to duck out on the earlier side.

Out of the weddings I’ve been to, I don’t remember anyone ever getting stinking drunk. A little silly, maybe, but with our crowd that would generally take maybe 3 drinks. (We stick to shot glasses for the required 4 glasses of wine during Passover Seder, otherwise we’d never make it.) My sister is getting closer every time to breaking this rule, though. Maybe if she stops obsessing about not being married, she’ll learn to chill out at weddings.

39

I have no idea. All I mentioned in my post were the Chicken Dance and the Money Dance. I do suggest someone invents a Monkey Dance for the next Doper wedding…

40

Call me old-fashioned but I’m having trouble with the concept of getting drunk at a wedding

Do these same people break out the whiskey at a christening too? Baptisms?

Just commenting, not expecting an answer.