What do you dislike about attending weddings?
I’ll start:
Maudlin vows written by the bridal couple (or lifted from the bride’s favorite soap opera) make me cringe. The mawkishness always goes on far too long.
What’s your least favorite aspect of weddings?
Marathon weddings. The ones that start at 1000 AM and end well after midnight. Forget that, if I didn’t do it for my wedding, I sure as hell am not going to do it for yours.
I always feel for the bridesmaids up there in some horrid-colored dress that they likely had to pay for and will never get to wear again. I’d like just once for a bride to tell them “Oh, just wear an evening gown and everything will be fine.”
I told my bridesmaids that. I win. They wore their own dresses.
The dollar dance, and the stupid bit where the groom takes off the bride’s garter with his teeth. Ugh.
I’m not a big wedding fan or anything, but I can’t really think of anything I don’t like about them.
I’ll tell you what I don’t like about traditional receptions, though: the tossing of the garter and bouquet. I have absolutely no interest in participating, but there’s always some well-meaning Martha Stewart whose sole purpose is to round up all of the single women … ugh. 
The receiving line. Torture. Pure, vicious torture. Thank goodness they’re going the way of the dodo.
I’m not a big fan of weddings. I’ll never understand the desire to be princess for a day. I’m queen of my life 24/7, and I do it in much more practical clothing.
Cheesy DJs. If I am married I will only put one non-monetary stipulation on the wedding (well, two: the other one will be “don’t do it outside in Florida in August”): no cheesy DJs. If they play the chicken dance or try to start a conga line they don’t get a tip. And if they haven’t gotten paid yet they won’t get paid, either: sue me.
As far as I’m concerned, cheesy DJs who try to “warm up the crowd” are just a bunch of control freaks with bad taste.
Mostly the fact that they can have one that is legally recognized and I can’t. Irritates me to no end.
Having to go to them. Seriously. Weddings are about the most boring thing in the world to attend.
Serving dinner. It’s invariably some kind of fancy, I-don’t-know-what-the-hell-is-in-this dish, or it’s a combination of chicken and/or pasta. Plus, it makes the whole affair go on for waaay too long. Put out some snacks and some cake, and be quick about everything. My husband and I had make-your-own-sandwiches, and no one bitched about the food. Voila–there’s something everyone can eat!
Dress codes. Look, not everyone works in suit-and-tie jobs. And not everyone can get a full day off for a friends’/third cousin’s/whatever’s wedding. And, even if they can, not everyone wants to sit around in a dress/skirt and pantyhose all freaking day. Yet, if a woman comes to a wedding wearing (say) clean jeans, a nice t-shirt, and a pair of black boots, it’s considered rude. Um. . .whatever. Of course, I have a problem with dress codes that extend beyond “show up clean, groomed, and in clothing that is not revealing, profane, or hole-y.”
Roving photographers. Look, I understand that you want pictures at your wedding, and I respect that. I even understand that other people might want pictures taken of them at the wedding. But sending around one of those roving photographers who decides to take pictures of you while you’re dancing with your SO–on their own initiative, because they think it’s cute–is going to end with a bleeding photographer. Especially if they won’t leave me alone. And especially especially if you then try to sell me pictures of myself that I didn’t want in the first place. This is a blessed union, not a theme park ride.
Rubber chicken dinners. This is one thing that people ought to consider: do away with the sit-down dinner-just have lots of nice snacks. That is better and cheaper than rubber chiken entrees.
I used to work big, fancy weddings clad in a tux so I got to see more and more variety than most people do.
Here are my two:
Sit down dinners at the reception are an abomination. It mixes two different and incompatible concepts. Weddings require a buffet or some other flexible eating arrangement that encourages people to move around and mingle. It is plain stupid to fly people in from all over the world and then tell them to sit in front of their prepositioned name tag and wait for food to be brought to them. I and others declared this is wrong in 100% of cases and we usually refused to host them although a few slipped through. Rent out the Cracker Barrel for lunch if you just want a seated chow fest.
Wedding cake face smears by the bride and groom are not cute. They are mean spirited in the context. Both are going to be too stressed out to engage in real humor. Forcefully smacking wedding cake into the other’s face means that the marriage will last two years tops or end in serial domestic abuse by either party and later homicide.
I wish there was a better way to get the gifts to the bride & groom. Personally, I hate the phony “Oh-thank-you-very-much-now-give-me-my-money” white bag walk.
Electric Slide/Chicken Dance/Macarana/Mambo#5: Anyone who plays these songs must Die! (hey, I read it in a signing statement…)
[QUOTE=Count Blucher]
Blucher, What’s a “white bag walk”?
There is a better way. It’s called a gift table. There’s also an even *better * way. It’s called the postal service.
Of course, the advantage of the white bag walk is that it usually happens toward the end of the evening, so if you leave that check blank until then, you can determine exactly how much enjoyment the bride and groom provided, and pay them accordingly.
This cakefighting thing really bugs me, too. I suppose it’s meant to seem playful, but when I have seen this done, there was usually some real hostility there. Gosh, if we’re going to have a public display of animosity between the bride and groom, why not give 'em encounter bats? It’s neater, and it doesn’t waste food.
I’m not a big fan of shopping off the registry-I used to love shopping (in general) but now the whole going to the place and parking and battling crowds at Crate and Carbuncle in high wedding season gives me a headache.
I give everyone cash (the standard $100 or more if I like the person). I actually had one person complain (complain!) to me about the fact that I gave her money instead of a bloody present. It was all I could do to not demand my present back. Isn’t the registry supposed to be a suggestion? Can’t she buy her own gift off of it with the money I gave her? Is the registry now set in stone or something?
I usually enjoy the ceremony part somewhat. I’ve personally never been to one that was really tacky.
The reception is usually uncomfortable for me because I’m not a very outgoing person, and being forced to exchange small-talk for several hours with people I barely know or just met is my nightmare. I also agree with previous posters about receiving lines, dollar dances, garter-tosses, wedding cake face-smashing and intrusive photographers.
The OP stole mine. Gaaaargh, “I promise to always be your schmoopie-bunny.”
Even better, when the bride and groom are so full of themselves with that “Oh, he can’t see me in the dress!” that they take three hours of pictures AFTER the ceremony and we aren’t allowed to eat until they show up. Take 'em first, before your mom cries her mascara off.
Oh, and people who let their kids monopolize the thing. Your baby cries, you remove her. Your kids aren’t so cute that we all want to watch them all night unless they’re the ones getting married. (Well behaved kids are fine, kids who don’t know how to act aren’t.)