Blacks not my type = prejudice?!?!

Great Debates
1

OK, help me out on this. Here is a recent conversation with a former co-worker.

The setting: Local watering hole, about 8pm. Bar is filling up with people and smoke (although this is NYC, so the smoke bit will be disappearing soon!). Me and the lunatic ex co-worker are at the bar. A group of three or four ladies walk in and sit down at the table behind us. All of them, it must be noted for the record, are quite stunning. I seriously thought a group of supermodels had shown up for a photo session or something.

Me: Wow. I mean… wow.
Lunatic Ex Coworker (LEC): … wow.
M: Yeah. Wow, even. Whew…
LEC: We should go talk to them.
M: YOU should go talk to them. I ain’t into rejection. Got enought of that as it is without actively hunting it down.
LEC: Ah, come on - trust me. Girls that good looking never get hit on for that very reason. How about her, on the far right - she’s dressed to kill.
M: Nah, she’s not my type. Now, second from the left…
LEC: What do you mean, she’s not your type? What is your type?
M (hasn’t noticed yet the LEC is clearly upset about something): I don’t know. She’s not my type. The lady second from the left is. But it will take a couple more brewskies before I get the brass balls large enough to even walk by their table.
LEC: “Not my type” - you mean because she’s black? That’s just racist man. You gotta expand your horizons. I mean, just nixing someone of our list because of skin color, that’s not right.
M (rising blood pressure, but none of it is funneling to Mr Happy): Hold on a sec. I didn’t say I didn’t like her. She’s pretty - ok, more than pretty. Outrageously beautiful is more like it. But that doesn’t mean she is necessarily my type. She may be a fine upstanding person, doesn’t mean I immediately want to date her.
LEC: But see, that’s racist. She doesn’t appeal to you because she’s black.
M: Bullshit! She doesn’t appeal to me for what ever reason, and just incidentally, she happens to be black. She’s definitely stunning. Would I bang her if I had half a chance? Hell yes. Would I date her? Hell yes. Would I marry her? Hell yes. But we’re talking about two guys at the bar checking out the babes. If two identical twins walked in, one with red hair and one a blonde, and I instincitvely liked the redhead, am I being racist against the blonde?

And this went on for quite a while. I tried to explain myself, but failed miserably. Made it worse when I stuck my foot in my mouth by saying ‘but I’ve seen lots of black ladies who were my type’. Might as well have just said ‘I have lots of black friends’. Sheesh.

But anyway, I felt that LEC was saying that a person is not allowed to have inherent ‘likes/dislikes’. Things that for whatever reason rock their boat. Maybe it is hair color. Maybe it is skin color - couple buddies I know like Asians. One lady I know has a thing for Hispanic guys. What’s the big deal? It’s a physical charactersic they find attractive. For whatever reason, the lady on the left didn’t ‘do it’ for me. Not a knock against her. Maybe if we had started talking to all four instead of arguing at the bar for the next two hours (by which time the above-mentioned four had already left the bar), I may well have been smitten by her. But this was simply first impressions, and I can’t believe anyone can be racist just because they happen to instinctively like particular characteristics in people.

Am I really in the dark on this one, or is LEC in need of some serious help to keep his victim mentality in check?

2

Interesting. I think the question is why did LEC assume it was racist? There are a variety of reasons not to choose someone, in favor of another, for example, you could have made the assumption that the lady was drinking an expensive beer and was a “high maintance” relationship, which is not your type (not, you as in you, but in the general).
Is this a correct assumption? I don’t know. Unless you left something out, I wouldn’t automatically assume you didn’t pick the girl because she was black. I think it says something about LEC that he would think that of you.

3

LEC needs to stand down from Orange Alert. Really.

I can’t help but think how, under other circumstances, if you DID approach the black girl, you may be castigated by another observer as having “jungle fever”, a fetishization of members of the other race because they’re “exotic”… and that ALSO would be called"racist". So, you can’t win, and it’s not your fault.

Otherwise, we’re getting into the thought mode that as males, we are supposed to go after anything bipedal with a vagina with equal eagerness. And it just doesn’t work out that way.
JoséRD

4

You can dislike the color of a person’s skin without disliking that person BECAUSE of the color of their skin. I know that sounds terrible, but it’s true. Not racist, and very superficial (if you choose to avoid dating people because you dislike their skin color), but it is as real as not being attracted to fat people (or old people, or bald people…) I’ve dated lots of people I didn’t find particularly attractive, because I got to know them and found them interesting. All colors and all sizes.

5

Since people do not choose who they are attracted to, I don’t see how it can possibly be racist.

6

I asked the same question in another thread. I think you’re attracted to who your attracted to: some people like fat, some like skinny, some like preppie, some like biker, some like black and some like white. Sexual attraction is far too primitive and raw a thing to put governors on, and I think your “type” is probably at least as hard wired as your sexual orientation.
“I like you as a person but I don’t want to have sex with you” is not a racist comment.

7

You can find something beautiful without finding it attractive. And the reverse.

8

Yeah, the lunatic is just plain wrong. Sexual attraction has nothing to do with logic; it’s hardwired into your brain. If you like blue eyes, are you prejudiced against green eyes? Hell no. I happen to have a thing for Asian women. It’s not that I don’t like ALL types of women, or that I would refuse to date someone because of her race. It’s just that when I see an Asian woman, something in my brain just says: “She looks really beautiful to me”. It has nothing to do with cultural preferences or anything like that, it’s purely an aesthetic thing.

Although I sure wouldn’t kick Holly Robinson out of bed…

9

But what if a White father said to his White daughter, “you must not date and marry a Black no matter what!”

Is that racist?

10

What IS it lately…?

“You don’t choose to participate intimately in this particular lifestyle/culture, so you must be PREJUDICED!”

This accusation seems to be getting more and more common lately, I hear it often now, directed at me and others. News flash, folks… one can have respect for and even like members of other races, sexual preferences, or lifestyles without having to partake in every aspect of same.

Dragon Ash, you did nothing wrong. Your sexual relationship preferences are your own, and frankly, for the LEC to suggest otherwise is prejudiced on his part.

11

Is that a serious question? It’s not related to the OP at all.

And yes, it’s racist.

12

First of all, May i please request that everyone stop using the word racist. It is archaic and inaccurate. There is only one race of human beings. The color of their skin and their culture does not create a magical genetic difference. There is no genetic proof of races among humans. Try to use prejudice instead.

Second, If you dont like blacks, latins, asians or whites. Thats your prerogative. Its not prejudice its called preference. we are allowed to choose whom we want. Youre not putting them down, your limiting your choice thru a list of things that you feel would be ideal for a mate and/or companion.

And having said that, the third thing is make sure you are discluding them for the right reasons. You may be removing yourself from a perfectly wonderful thing. Its ok to be selective but dont be stupid about it.

and lastly, being selective is one thing, telling another person whom to see is another. on varybdog’s example, the girl may be selective, but the father is definitely prejudiced.

13

Then if a father tells her daughter to grow up to be a doctor, a lawyer, etc…you know what? That’s racist too by your guys’ logic. See, Your daughter wanted to be a homeless or a hooker. Why can’t you let her be?

14

Except it has nothing to do at all with race?

15

Are you equating dating out of your race to being a hooker?

As to the OP–
How can anyone tell you who to be attracted to? That’s just, well, stupid.

Full disclosure: When I was growing up, I dated mostly Spanish guys because that was what I was attracted to (and used to). Fell in love with a black man and married him.

16

What? Race by common sense is a breeding stock of animals or human beings that unified by community of interests, habits, or characteristics. That does not exist?

We are not talking genetics or DNA here.

You are wrong.

17

You don’t know what the hell your talking about, do you? Race is human breeding stock that has nothing to do with genetics? What in the name of your favorite deity does that mean?

First-- there’s such a thing as “human breeding stock”? and second if there is such a thing how do genetics not play a part?

Wait. Don’t answer that here. How about you start a seperate thread to explain this and not hijack this one.

18

No.

I was trying to understand why some people here labelling the private teaching of some family basic values from a father to a daughter racism? In other words, I tried to understand the difference between (A) a father’s telling of her daughter of studying hard to be a lawyer and (B) a father’s telling of her daughter not to marry a Black.

Some people here told me already that (B) is racist; I reasoned, if (B) is racist, then (A) must also be racist.

Comments?

19

Sorry about the hijack Dragon Ash.

Many. Start another thread.

20

Yep. Any more questions?