BoA Procedures: Titanium Steel Bike Lock Tied In Place With Twine

The BBQ Pit
1

Yesterday, I called Bank of America about getting an ATM card for a small corporate account used for convention-running and CD publishing. After digging up sufficient details to confirm that, yes, I’m one of the signers of the account, the agent looked for a verifiable signature. It turns out that, since there hasn’t been occasion for the corporation to write checks for a while, they don’t have one accessible, except in the bank branch where the account was opened.

This is rather inconvenient, but understandable, even commendable, concern for security.

At least, that’s the impression I would have if not for the event the previous day that brought the matter to the front of my mind:

It seems that BoA had sent an unsolicitied offer for a corporate credit card with a $32K limit (about an order of magnitude about the corporation’s usual asset level, and about two orders of magnitude over the amount of debt I’d feel comfortable having the corporation assume for any length of time). At the time, it went the way of all paper, or at least the way of all paper that really needs to be cut into tiny little diamonds that all the king’s horses and all the king’s men would be hard-pressed to put back together again.

Having failed to receive my glad accceptance of their offer (for what other outcome could possibly exist?), one of BoA’s little trained minions called me at the office. About the time I figured out what they were calling about, the minion was explaining that they just need “a few questions” answered. She asked what my income was, and I explained the concept that there is “the corporation’s money” and there is “my money” and never the twain shall meet. A bit baffled by this abtruse financial concept, she asked what the corporation’s income was, and I gave her a very rough, and rather low for a $32K credit card, estimate.

The next question was the current value of my house. Obviously, that “wall of separation” I had explained fifteen seconds earlier was as unacceptable and perhaps incomprehensible a concept to her as the “wall of separation” between church and state is to Donald Wildmon.

Having put up with enough nonsense, I told her that the credit card was NOT to be generated, and hung up.

It seems that they have ironclad security protocols when they inconvenience the customer, and tissue-paper-clad security protocols when they inconvenience BoA’s marketing department. :mad:

2

BoA has now bought up two banks I’ve had credit cards through, and it hasn’t been pleasant either time. Can’t remember the details of why it was a pain in the neck the first time, which was about five years ago, but I got a card with MBNA when I got tired of dealing with BoA’s nonsense.

But BoA bought up MBNA earlier this year, and just in the last couple of months, this has affected my credit card account. They’ve completely redone the bill’s format (making it harder to read, at least IMHO), put it in an unrecognizable envelope (that I nearly threw away with the junk mail the first time I got it), and, most irritatingly, changed the due date of my monthly payment: it had been due within the last few days of the month, and they moved it up to around the 20th.

So I called them and (being specific about date ranges) asked them if the due date could be changed back. No problem, they said. So the following month, the bill itself arrives later in the cycle, and I assume this means the adjustment has been made. I put it with the bills, and about the 23rd of the month, I get out the bill and get ready to pay online.

The due date’s passed. They hadn’t changed it.

I call them up. What happened, I ask. “Oh, it takes two payment cycles for those changes to take effect.” You guys didn’t tell me that, I reply. But since it was a bit of a mutual screwup here - I should’ve opened the bill earlier, but you guys were derelict in telling me the due date change wouldn’t take effect right away - can you do something about the late fee I’ve just incurred, thanks in part to you? “No, we couldn’t do that. We feel it’s your personal responsibility to open your bill promptly.” (IME, most banks will give you a gimme or two if you call up and question a late fee, because few people actually call up to do so; keeps the customer happy, and keeps the customer, period. They won’t let you make a habit of it, but that’s fine.) I put the question a few different ways, but there was no ‘give’ at the other end; just a whole lot of personal-responsibility talk that apparently only applied to me, but not to them.

Fine, I said. If you’re gonna be that inflexible, I’m gonna get me another credit card with a different bank.

I did, and it arrived in yesterday’s mail. No more BoA, at least not until they buy up American Express.

3

I also had an MBNA account and was bitten once with a late charge because of a payment date shift. I do all my accounts online and I do them on the 1st and the 15th. I can either pay my bills up to a week ahead(most let you schedule the payment) or pay them right on time with that schedule. Well, changing the due date screwed me up. My fault, I ate the charge, but still annoying. Plus their online account management site was crap for transferred MBNA accounts. I’m probably going to drop the formerly MBNA card and get a BofA-native card I’ve heard about with an excellent rewards program. I can’t help but think some of the problem was because of the aquisition.

Enjoy,
Steven

4

Well, thanks. I just had to google who Donald Wildmon is. Now I know.

5

Wow, I thought I was the only one. Same thing happened to me, they changed the payment date by almost a week. I called them and they removed the late charge, but the same thing happened the next two months. I haven’t used the card since, so I don’t know if they corrected the payment date or not.

6

My last conversation with the Bank that Ate my Bank went sort of like this.

Me: Please close these two accounts, and give me the money in cash.

Minion: May I ask why?

Me: No.

Minion: Perhaps you would like to speak to a Bank Officer.

Me: No.

Minion: I have to get the branch manager to close your accounts.

Me: How long will that take?

Minion: Just a moment.

Me: I will give you three.

Six minutes pass.

Minion: The manager will be with you in just a moment, sir. Could you step aside and wait?

Me: No. Does the bank still have my money? (Voice is now clearly audible, but not overly loud.)

Minion: Oh, yes sir. We still have your money.

Me: And yet, six minutes ago, I asked to have it back. Do you intend to give me back my money?

Minion: Sir, the manager will be with you in just a moment.

Me: How long before the bank can come up with my money? (Volume is just a tiny bit higher than normal conversational tone.)

Manager arrives.

Manager: Sir, there is no reason to be rude to my teller.

Me: Does the bank consider it rude for a customer to ask for his own money?

Manager: Sir, would you come with me, to my office?

Me: No. I deposited the money at this counter. There is no reason to go elsewhere. Please close the accounts, immediatly, and give me the money in cash.

Manager: Very well. May I ask why you are closing your accounts.

Me: No.

Manager: That is rather unusual.

Me:

Manager: Very well, I will be right back.

Me: Doesn’t the teller have enough money to pay me?

Manager: Please sir, don’t be difficult.

Me: Does the bank find it difficult to give customers back their money?

Manager: (To Teller) Give him the money now. (To me) We will notify you by mail of the closure of your accounts.

Me: Thanks.

Tris

7

Yeah, that teller totally deserved to have you act like that towards him/her. That one teller is responsible for all the shitty fees and practices that the bank has.

8

That teller deserved to be asked to give me my money. Every other thing resulted from his unwillingness to do that.

Nothing I did was other than reasonable to anyone other than a banker.

They didn’t have the same level of difficulty taking my money.

Tris

9

Christ. Again, there is a difference between the big monolithic Bank of Assholes and the one little peon teller who’s just doing a boring drone job the best he/she can.

Often if you go to close an account, the software demands a reason for closing the account (be it that there’s no convenient locations, dissatisfied with fees, moved to a competitor, etc). What’s so hard about just saying, “I’m dissatisfied with your bank’s policies and fees”? It’s not like the teller would take that as a personal insult.

10

What’s wrong with the teller just giving me my money?

My lack of satisfaction was entirley evident. When the time came, the teller did give me the money, so everything that happened was a matter of choice.

Explaining to the Bank of America why I don’t want to do business with them is not something I care to do.

Tris

11

Then go sign in to speak to a manager instead of taking it out on the teller. Again, many software packages for financial institutions will require a reason for closing. In theory, this is so they can see where to make improvements*. This doesn’t change the fact that often the teller has to have a reason to be able to finish the actual account closing.

And again, you’re not explaining to the Bank of America, you’re explaining to a teller who just needs to do his/her job so she can continue helping the line of people behind you. If you had given a reason (just “dissatisfied with your practices”), more than likely, your wait would have been less than half of what it was. And by extension, the people waiting behind you would’ve had a shorter wait as well.

  • ha ha haaa. I know, isn’t that hilarious? Like banks really give a shit if you hate them. Banks suck.
12

Completely disagree. If less people played along with their little games, then they might learn to stop playing them.

This whole bullshit of “don’t be abrupt with the teller, s/he’s just doing a job” plays completely into the hands of the idiot policy makers. Be abrupt with their staff, hold up other customers, be difficult. Enough people do that, and you can be sure they’ll put an option on their software of “customer would not say”

It was Trisks money. Why the hell should he play nice/wait for a manager/waste time in a meeting just so the bank could try to persuade him that he should leave the money with them?

13

I wanted to change the type of checking account at WAMU to one heavily advertised on television as being “free”. I was told it was impossible to do over the phone (couldn’t tell me why), so I went to a local branch on my lunch hour.

The teller explained that a manager had to approve my change (couldn’t tell me why) and that it would be a while before a manager was available to help me.

I had the choice of spending my full lunch hour at the bank to change my account or just walk out.

I left.

I didn’t raise my voice but I understand Trisk’s attitude. It’s frustrating to have to answer to a “higher power” regarding your intentions for your own money.

14

Giving justification simply opens the door for them to attempt to placate you by removing the justification. For instance, if I’m unhappy over a NSF charge and that’s the last straw and I want to leave, if they know what the problem is they may try to waive the fee and sales pitch me.

It actually takes less time to play it the way Tris did because they have no way to work on you, which is why they take so long and sic a manager on you. If you give them an opening you could be there for a long time, especially if you look like you might buy what they’re selling.

15

I think this behavior is perfectly fine - in fact, I think it’s necessary. Speaking loud enough so other bank patrons know that the simple act of closing your account and retrieving your money in full is going to be regarded as a hostile act, may eventually discourage them from treating it as a hostile act, if enough people do it.

Excellent.

Very good too. If the conversation is out in the open, in front of other bank patrons, it limits the manager’s freedom to play games on you.

Apparently it’s unusual for a customer, in the process of becoming an ex-customer, to try to keep the transaction on a strictly-business level.

A. Yes.

As Atrios would say, “this has been another edition of Simple Answers to Simple Questions.”

16

Nothing that he reports having done is rude or unreasonable, except possibly if he raised his voice too much. When I closed my account at Somewhat Evil Bank* while preparing to take it to Less Evil Bank, my fifteen-year-old ass marched in, announced to the teller that I would like to close my account and take the money as a money order, was kept waiting for about a minute’s time, took the money order, and marched out. That is, to be quite honest, the only thing that could make a customer have any remorse; acting in the manner he described is only likely to cement the customer in his/her displeasure.

*I was going to call it Evil Bank, but it’s my roommate who has to deal with Truly Evil Bank. I don’t want to say names, so I’ll just give its initials: CIBC. :stuck_out_tongue:

17

What’s wrong with a bank manager making it a point to find out why a customer has decided to take their business elsewhere?
Perhaps it’s a problem they can fix, a higher interest rate they can match, a fee they can waive, a question they can answer…
I find it disenheartening that everyone jumps on the ‘evil banks’ for doing what every other business does - retain customers.

So you don’t like listening to sales pitches? How would you like it if we had a product that was perfect for your needs and never mentioned it to you? You can bet we’d be hearing about our inadequacies from you then, like it’s our fault you can’t be bothered to listen to something a teller says that might *actually * have relevance to your account.

Luna, lowly teller.

18

If they can waive the fees, why don’t they simply get rid of the fees to begin with? If they can match the interest rate, why don’t they do that from the get-go?

I use a bank to hold my money. I don’t go to a bank to be sold to. You make your managers sound like used-car salesmen, people who make promises they could have delivered from the beginning but hold back in an attempt to chisel a few more ducats off the rubes.

If I want something I’ll ask for it, thanks. I don’t go to the store without knowing what I want, why would I go the bank and take the bait on latest gee whiz product offered for the sole purpose of trying to keep my money? If it’s mine and I ask for it, give it to me. It’s that simple.

19

I would be upset if they used it as a tactic to simply make it more difficult and time-consuming to terminate my account with them. If they let me close my account, but while I was doing so, asked me those questions, I’d have no problem with that.

The First Amendment guarantees freedom of speech. It does NOT guarantee the right to a captive audience. If you want to turn my attempt to cease doing further business with you into an attempt on your part to have me as your captive audience, well, screw you. It’ll make me that much more eager to terminate our business relationship.

20

I have absolutely no patience for the rationale “the computer software demands X” – your telephone number, a reason for closing the account, whatever. I don’t give a shit what your computer wants; if it wants a full body massage and chocolate chip cookies I’m not giving it those either. If YOUR COMPANY creates roadblocks to giving me what I’m entitled to, don’t act like that places upon me some responsibility to cooperate. I don’t mind if you ask, but if the answer is “no,” please spare me the dirty look, rolled eyes, and intimation that *I[//i] am making your life harder, because I’m not.

“May I have your telephone number?”
“No.”

“May I know why you’re closing the account?”
“No.”

“May I ask who you currently have service with?”
“No.”

“May I ask why you say you are NOT interested in saving money and time???”
“No.”

That’s my answer – deal with it.