My husband and I have an ongoing disagreement about this. I say that when we have friends over for a meal, we should ALWAYS offer to play some kind of a game also. He thinks that just conversation is plenty entertaining and that too often pushing games is childish. Why do we buy them if we don’t play them?!?!
Why not both? We always talk while playing board games or cards.
Why does it have to be either/or? Playing some kind of game can give a nucleus to a gathering, especially if one or more people don’t share an interest common to the rest of the group. (I imagine non-work people who hang out with my work friends probably thinkthat the discussions about hydrazine leaks, attitude control system puns, and tail-wags-dog jokes are pathetically nerdy or utterly incomprehensible.)
On the other hand, if the conversation already flows freely and nobody is left out, why insist on playing a game? Unless you’re all hardcore gamers, the game should just be there to facilitate interaction, not dominate it.
Stranger
I guess I should add that I am known for being super competitive. DH just doesn’t want me to bring up games at all at most of our dinner-parties. I’m saying that they are a necessity and that even if I love to win, we owe a game to our guests.
Is that because you want to beat your guests at a game or because your guests like playing?
How old are you? Or your husband? Is there a difference?
When I was younger, board games were a frequent part of an evening. But that hasn’t been true for at least twenty years. The older we get the more we just want to sit around and talk and not be interrupted by artificial conversation starters.
I like board games. I’m an anemic conversationalist under many circumstances. On the other hand, I am perfectly capable of, say, bringing my latest knitting project and knitting while listening to other people coverse. (I’ve been known to knit between my turns when playing board games, too.)
My sister-in-law will play board games for the companionship. She doesn’t much care who wins, and likes games which encourage or at least permit discussion which is not related to strategy. She’d rather engage in conversation.
I see little wrong with establishing a tradition/convention/whatever that you invite people over for food and games, but I’m not so sure that you “owe” your guests a game. What are their interests? Do they like playing games?
And frankly, much as I enjoy playing games, I’m perfectly happy playing games like “Apples to Apples” which have a fairly small competitive component (at least as played by folks I’ve played with). Also, it’s good for knitting–I can do lots of knitting without causing people to have to wait for me. And good for chatting, too. But no one owes me a game.
I’m a gamer, so I’d rather play a game. If it isn’t a super heavy game that requires 100% concentration then conversation will also happen.
Brian
(semi-addicted to www.boardgamegeek.com)
What type of games? When we lived in NJ we hosted a games club. Since my wife was a toy reviewer, we had plenty. Games like Trivial Pursuit caused lots of conversation. Games like Risk not so much. We have friends who come to visit fairly often, and we always play games - usually trivia or charades type games. Then there are some games where we don’t even actually play and keep score, but rather go through the cards in turn.
Both, please! But there is certainly nothing wrong with not offering to play a game; indeed, I’d say that not offering is the default, unless you happen to know that your particular crowd of friends are game-players.
This is a very good point. I really like “Apples to Apples” because it gets people laughing, scoring is totally subjective, you don’t need any special skills to be good at it, and you can’t win by being an overcompetitive dick. Its probably my favorite game to play on a social occasion.
It depends on the company. If my grandparents are over, bingo or cards are almost as big a requirement as fruit. If Middlebro is over, don’t trot Monopoly out. If both Bros are over, do NOT let them pair up for any games (they’re more dangerous than Middlebro and his wife). If there’s kids, do make sure the kid won’t be left abandoned while the grown ups shuffle the cards…
goodie, are you one of those people who hate losing and it shows, and love the boasting more than the winning? Cos in that case I do NOT want to play with you. Sorry.
I love to win but I also love it when my friends win, I am just so happy for anyone who wins. Usually it’s me. I don’t brag afterwards about particular wins, that’s just a waste of time and then no one would ever want to play with me.
I think I’m getting the answer I hoped for, most people really do enjoy playing board games or other games at dinner parties. BTW, sometimes we put a game out and start playing only to have concersation trump the game and it never gets finished, I’m OK with that.
Sometime (not when they are at your house for dinner) ask your friends how they feel about playing the board games. You might get some honest feedback on if that’s really what they want to do.
If they’re at your house and you enthusiastically say “Hey, ya wanna play a game!!!” as you start setting up the board game, most people will be nice and say “OK”, even if they really don’t want to play.
And this is where the spirit of compromise is important in a marriage. Plan to have some dinners specifically involve “Game Night” for you, and have others involve something else for your husband.
Seriously, we played this last Thanksgiving and it was a blast! Almost all ages can play and it’s a great togetherness/conversation sparker among people who don’t see each other all that often and may need a little “warming up!”
But don’t play a game that can be exclusive, such as Euchre. Feelings will be hurt! And if someone says they don’t play, don’t insist until everyone’s embarrased and the person that doesn’t play is almost in tears! 
Sorry to be a different voice, but if I am invited to a dinner party, I’d be kind of pissed if it turned into a games night unless I was warned in advance. It just isn’t what I expect at a dinner party, and I have to be a) in the right mood to play a board game and b) be playing with the right people.
Another vote for “there’s a difference between games night and a dinner party.” I would be surprised as all hell – and not in a good way – if someone started dragging out board games at what I thought was a dinner party. Note that I enjoy board games as much as the next person, but they’re a completely separate kind of entertainment.
(And Eureka, I’ll also bring my knitting – but that’s just something to do with my hands while I listen to/participate in the conversation – which might turn out to be about knitting, depending on the crowd. ;))
Yeah, board games are, in my experience, not part of a normal dinner night. I actually can’t remember the last time I was at anybody’s house for something that was not explicitly a games night and the board games came out. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, but it’s not expected or at all usual for me.
I skimmed the responses and feel I must contribute.
I strongly believe you are playing the wrong games.
If for example, you are playing Monopoly, people will be too busy watching the board (collecting rent, or making trading transactions) to be able to converse.
If you are playing games like Risk (Axis and Allies, etc) the same effect occurs, plus you have people (hopefully) updating their next move once they get to make it. On top of that, you have one person to busy actually taking his turn to join in the conversation.
Might I suggest games from the “party game” genre?
Titles such as
Imagineiff:: Imagine if Sally were a road sign. What sign would she be?
Zobmondo:: Would you rather eat three cockroaches or sit in a tub of cockroaches for five minutes?
The Game of Things :: [Name] Things you shouldnt glue together
Theses are just a few of the party games that are out there. Hopefully they will spur conversation and get people to recall a shared history your group has.
-Meeko
I am addicted to boardgamegeek, N9IWP.
And to go you one further, I used to work at The Gamekeeper. 