My brother-in-law’s girlfriend is a lovely person. She’s friendly, extremely creative, and very pleasant to be around. But in the 5 years that I’ve known her, I’ve never seen her play a game. My in-laws are big game players (board games, cards, charades, etc.) My husband and his brother are also into role-playing games, in addition to the other games already mentioned. So there tends to be lots of game-playing whenever his family is together, and it’s almost always very friendly, rather than super-competitive. I can understand not liking specific games (I’m not crazy about poker, for instance) or even kinds of games–word games, strategy games, etc.–but I have a really hard time fathoming someone who doesn’t like games at all.
Are there any non-gaming Dopers out there who can help me understand?
I’m into games, so I can’t answer that question, but I can share my disbelief, as well. My friends and I are big into games of all kinds, so sometimes we’ll have a party and just play board games and stuff all night. About a month ago, we invited a friend of a friend to come over and she could not believe that we actually liked playing games. She sat there just repeating “So you guys actually like doing this?” or (in the Trivial Pursuit game) “Why do you guys even know this stuff? Who cares?”
On the way out of the party, she continued to ask me “So you do this all the time?” and “You guys seriously like playing games?”
My parents are definitely not game-players. Now that I’m in my 20s, I get invited to parties where people play board games or poker (I opt for the board games, not being a gambler), but my parents wouldn’t hang around at such gatherings. They just “don’t have time” for things like games.
I love games (I adore Trivial Pursuit!) so I can’t answer directly but I know some people have anxieties about speaking in groups or losing or answering incorrectly with what they think people might perceive as a stupid answer.
A friend of a friend was at a Christmas party and was coerced by us into playing Cranium. She sat quietly or deferred most of the time (though we did manage to get her to act out something once - she was really good!). She was not rude about it - just seemed to enjoy watching others while being uncomfortable in participating herself. I found out later that she had some social anxiety issues and it was a kind of exercise in confidence for her to come to the party and participate in a game - a kind of breaking down of a barrier. Perhaps that has something to do with it.
I can’t stand games and never play them—board games, cards, charades, tableau vivants, dumb crambo.
When I’m alone, I read or work; and when I have friends over, I have them over for scintillating, amusing conversation, not something the Parker Bros. have invented for us to pass the time with.
Well, the only games I ever saw or played growing up were Scrabble, Battleship and Monopoly. I have no idea how to even understand the concepts of chess or poker or bridge; nobody ever explained them to me. I don’t get charades, either - I have no idea how to interpret the body lanugage or something. I also have no idea what role playing is. I have no interest in video games, and have never played one. Not having had access to them is part of it. I didn’t grow up in the computer generation.
Then again, I taught myself to play instruments and run a recording studio well enough to make a living at it, and I spent 30 years playing musician games. Those are my idea of fun. Different strokes, I guess.
I still play Scrabble with my wife. But neither she nor I come from game playing families. A couple of years ago, on NYE, we beat everybody at Balderdash, which we’d never played before, and that was fun. It would be ludicrous to say that we hate games - it’s just that it never, ever comes up.
Eve, can you put your finger on why you dislike games? I can understand preferring conversation to games–though in my experience, parties and family gatherings can involve plenty of both–but can you explain why you “can’t stand games”? Is it because you find them silly and/or artificial?
This is a very valid point. I wouldn’t call my brother-in-law’s girlfriend shy, but she may feel uncomfortable in these sorts of situations.
That’s awesome! I wish I could play an instrument. I have some friends who get together for regular jam sessions and they always seem like so much fun.
I’m not trying to imply in the least that disliking games is a character flaw, or that they’re the only good way to pass the time. I apologize if I gave anyone that impression.
I had an ex-GF who thought games were silly or a waste of time… or maybe she didn’t like the fact that I enjoyed those games way too much. I find it wierd people not liking ANY games… I certainly would like to read Eve’s comments.
I just find them dull and a waste of time, which could better be used conversing with one another. Or even watching a good (or really bad) movie on TV together. I don’t look down on them—if you enjoy them, that’s little short of dandy.
We never played games in my family; we’d all be curled up in various chairs with books.
I can see Eve’s point (and I’d like to add it’s good to see you back). Any activity is an investment of time - if you have an activity you prefer it makes sense to spend you’re time doing that instead. I can also see the argument that games are an “artificial” form of entertainment. Personally, neither argument sways me - I’ve always loved games of all sorts. Many’s the hour we whiled away with round after round of dumb crambo until we were positively giddy with rhyme.
Well, if I could have you and the family over for a rousing evening of Dumb Crambo, Battledore and Shuttlecock, or Jackstraws, it might be different. Tonight, however, I shall be alone with my new Stereopticon views of the Chicago Exposition.
I really don’t like most games–especially board games and card games. I tend to be pretty disappointed if that’s what an evening with friends amounts to. Hell, I’d rather go to the cinema, even though you can’t really socialize there.
Occasionally, however, I’ll get into a video game for a few weeks, only to spend the next five months using my Playstation only to watch movies. And even that is solitary. I think it’s that I don’t like how annoyed I get when I lose at something so trivial–even games I should be all right at, like Scrabble or Balderdash. Competition doesn’t stimulate me so much as it grates on my nerves.
And I guess above all that I prefer to interact with people without those kinds of props. I just want to connect with people without the games. But I do realize this makes me kind of a drag at parties.
Not thrilled with games.
Growing up, we had family poker night (Dad used to deal at Las Vegas, he was interesting and playing was really fun!) and that, aside from the occasional Monopoly (kids only) was about it. My parents were not fond of games.
They were avid readers and we grew up the same.
I married a guy who wasn’t enthralled with games, either, but as our kids grew I wanted us to share some family pastimes and we had family Clue night, which was just as fun in its own way as family poker night had been.
My brother married into a family of gamesters, and friends of ours are into charades and all that other stuff. So we are faced with the occasional game. Sometimes I participate, sometimes not.
I think there is a bit of social anxiety involved–I can’t do charades unless I’ve had a couple glasses of wine. But I also agree with what Kaitlin says about the competition being grating rather than stimulating.
It often feels sort of manufactured, and the various rules that are always involved irritate me. I dunno, at get-togethers I want to lean back and relax rather than strive against the other team or whatever.
The missus doesn’t care for games. Neither card games nor board games. She knows how to play many of them, just doesn’t care for them. She’d prefer to spend that time reading, talking to friends or watching a good movie.
Games are nice when you have a decently sized party full of people you don’t know and are meeting for the first time. I wouldn’t play a game like Trivial Persuit, but there are plenty of party games I know which can get total strangers laughing and joking in no time.
I find watching videos together at a party pointless unless it is a very small party, a cult video which everyone knows and loves or for a drinking game.
I love card games with my siblings. Card games don’t get in the way of conversation and in fact, can stimuate interesting very interesting ones. Just sitting around conversing can be interesting and is fun to do in small groups, but in large ones, 8+ people, I’ve find that the conversation ends up being broken up into smaller groups.
Games are also great for the family members or friends who have extremely different political views. Random conversations often somehow end up getting to subjects that one family member feels very strongly against the other family members about. Such topics can be diverted much easier if there is a game or some other distraction going on than if you aren’t doing anything else but talking.
Futhermore, when you have a wide variety of ages (I have 8 siblings between the ages of 24 and 11), some conversations go well over the head of the younger members. Games are a great way for everyone to have fun together without members feeling alienated.
My family was big into competitive sports, but we never played games. We did a lot of things as a family, but we didn’t play too many games (we may have played Monopoly once or twice and that’s it).
As a result, I didn’t grow up playing them and now I have a hard time getting into them. I don’t hate them. I just don’t see much point to them. When I get together with friends, you can start or stop conversations at any natural point. When I’m playing a game, I feel like I’m stuck there with the same people beyond the point where I’d likely wander off to chat with someone else.
I did play a version of Trivial Pursuit in college. But we never actually played with the board or the pies. We’d just read the cards to each other (and occassionally make a drinking game out of it–yes, I did play drinking games).