Bogus, Odd, or just plain Weird New Year's Resolutions

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I resolve to finally get a French to English dictionary so I can understand what the demonic voices in my head are saying.

I resolve to give 10% of my lottery winings to a church.

I resolve to search the major city’s internet cafes and actually say Hi to :Dpal in person.

2

I resolve to locate the holes in swiss cheese.

I resolve to reuinite dust.

I resolve to dry off while I am showering.

3

I resolve to tell my corduroy pants just how special they are to me more often, and for no reason at all.

4

I resolve to tell the entire world the startling truth: that I’m secretly an emmissary from a lost planet in the Betelguese system, and the mother ships are on their way right now – MWAHAHAHA!!!

Oh, was this supposed to be about bogus resolutions? So sorry. Do carry on.

5

I resolve to water my plants * before* they are droppy.

I resolve to give 100% at work.

I resolve to clean out my kitchen cupboards at least once this
year.

6

I plan on not falling into the ditch anymore.

7

I’m going to give up inhibitions.

8

I resolve to finally become a team player.

I resolve to stop telling my dog “Stop,” and just let him live his life in peace.

I resolve to stop letting my hair grow.

I resolve to think inside the box.

I resolve to put an end to popular music.

I resolve to wake up. Every day.

9

<Mr. Garrison>
Damn you, Ice Wolf, damn you to hell!
</Mr. Garrison>
That should have been my joke… I am way too slow on the uptake.

I can’t make a resolution, given that 4-5 years ago I resolved to make no further resolutions… and, ironically, that is the only resolution I have ever made that lasted more than 2 weeks…

10

I will give 72% at work. I’ve been giving 83%, and it’s really wearing me out.
I will wash the kitchen floor, but not until it’s a little warmer out. Maybe sometime in June or July.
I will surf for Internet Porn. I’ve heard a lot about it, and I’m starting to think I’m missing out on The Next Big Thing.
I will stop drinking anything Red, except for Red Wine and Cool Ade. And Cape Codders.
I will get more sleep. I think I need at least 8 hours at night, and another 4 throughout the day.
I will start saving all my dryer lint.
I will build a bookcase: do it poorly, get frustrated, and throw the whole mess out onto the lawn in anger.
I will not go out to lunch unless I forgot to bring lunch.
I will say “Thank You” to my Jeep every time I start it.