Wanted: Henchman. Specific body types only. Must be willing to wear rubber James Bond mask and stalk highly trained SPECTRE assassins. No experience necessary; will train.
Wanted: Bodyguard. Upwardly mobile Tycoon seeks large Asian gentleman for protection, assault, occasional murder. Must show proficiency with sharp-edged bowler hat. English preferred but not essential. Some travel.
Wanted: Submersible technician. Proficiency with dismantling other submersibles required. Must be willing to relocate to Greece. Excellent benefits.
Wanted: Henchman. Evil circus network seeks the following: Knife throwing twins. Saw-blade yo-yo expert. Farsi-speaking dice-crushing gargantuan. Serious inquiries only. Contact: Kamal Khan c/o Lake Palace Hotel, Rajasthan, India.
Famous assassin seeks Little-person manservant. Relocation a must; some travel. Duties include gourmet cooking, basic bartending, cleaning, operating elaborate indoor high-tech mechanical shooting range. Familiarity with Solex Agitator a plus.