Ah, well then, here you go:
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How To Tell Republicans From Democrats
Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere.
Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group.
Democrats give their worn out clothes to those less fortunate.
Republicans wear theirs.
Democrats name their children after currently popular sports figures, politicians, and entertainers.
Republican children are named after their parents or grandparents, according to where the money is.
Republicans tend to keep their shades drawn, although there is seldom any reason why they should.
Democrats ought to, but don’t.
Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel that they’re entitled to a little fun first.
Democrats make plans and then do something else.
Republicans follow the plans their grandfathers made.
Republicans sleep in twin beds–some even in separate rooms.
That is why there are more Democrats.
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Politics: It all really just boils down to this:
Criminals
Democrats: Give them a second chance.
Republicans: Give them the swift sword of death.
The poor
Democrats: Give them some food.
Republicans: Give them the swift sword of death.
Endangered species
Democrats: Give them protection.
Republicans: Give them the swift sword of death.
Dictators
Democrats: Give them a way out.
Republicans: Give them the swift sword of death.
The uninsured
Democrats: Give them health care.
Republicans: Give them the swift sword of death.
The cost
Democrats: $9,000,000,000,000,000,000
Republicans: $29.95 (cost of one sword)