I had to return something to Amazon. They mailed me a padded bag to send it back in. The bag came in an envelope and the second I received it, I slashed it open with my knife, which of course sliced right through the padded return bag. :smack:
I had to sheepishly email them to get another bag.
This doesn’t concern me, but my tenant. Mrs. “C,” who lived on the first floor, wanted to rent a piano. The moving company told her that there would be an additional charge for each step they encountered. She called me at work to ask how many steps there were on our front stoop.
“That’s funny,” I thought; “I walk up and down them every day, but never counted them.” However, I quickly remembered that Mrs. C was an idiot.
“Where are you calling from?” I asked. As I suspected, she was calling from her first-floor apartment.
“Why don’t you open the front door, and count them?”
I’ll repeat my confession from 2003 when we did this same kind of thing…
I bought a new Hyundai Sonata back in May and just figured out a week or so that I have a “smart trunk” that will open automatically if I have the key in my pocket. I was digging through the glove compartment looking for something else and found this little card explaining how to use the smart trunk. It was buried under the window sticker and other papers the dealer had stuck in there.
I have done that exact same thing. :smack:
This is my favorite so far!
I’m almost 50 and I’m proud to say that I knew about the twisting thing to get the safety cap BEFORE this thread. I figured it out…about 2 months ago:smack:
I bought a semi-expensive pair of headphones last year - nice and comfy, cloth pads (no vinyl crumbs everywhere!), good sound. Each earpiece had a cable that plugged into the bottom. Fine, but when I got them home, the cables just weren’t connecting firmly; the sound would keep cutting out when I moved my head. I’d push the plugs back in, but they’d soon fall out again.
So I bring the whole set back to the store. The clerk takes one look and:
twist CLICK, twist CLICK “How’s that?” :smack:
In fairness, plugging them in all the way took a little more force than I usually like to apply to expensive electronics.
I honestly wonder how many electronics I’ve returned as ‘‘broken’’ just because I couldn’t figure out how they worked.
No jury would convict him.
Sounds familiar. Except, in my case, I can’t blame childhood ignorance—I was ~52yo when it happened to me.
[Wake up and look at clock]
*
…Damn, I’m late for work. *
[Take quick shower, shave and grab a handful of granola on the way out to my car. Gotta gun it to work so I don’t get too behind]
Jeez, the sky’s getting pretty dark. Did I miss a storm warning or something? At least traffic is pretty light for rush hour. Where is everybody?
[Get to the clinic, realize I’m the first to arrive, disarm the alarm upon entering, go to my office to check charts of the days patients, then walk out to the reception area about 20 minutes later.]
Damn, where is my receptionist? Where is my office manager? Where are my patients?
[Look out the window. It’s pitch black outside]
WTF, did I miss news of a total eclipse? Is this black-out the result of a massive ICBM attack that I somehow slept through?? Did the sun all of a sudden stop fusing hydrogen into helium (because, y’know, that would kinda suck)???
[Then, something dawns on me]
…Oh, crap! Is this PM or AM?
Turns out it was PM.
Oopsie, my bad. I drove back home to get a few more hours of shut-eye before AM. I didn’t tell anybody about my idiotic mixup.
It was a long day.
When I was pregnant with my second, I decided to grab some Starbucks after dropping off the first at daycare. I came out of Starbucks, reached in my pocket, and didn’t feel my keys. Slightly alarmed, I started patting all my pockets and reaching in my purse, trying to find them. I was thinking, “Oh, crap, did I just lock my keys in my car?”
But when I got to my car, it wasn’t locked. The keys were inside, in the ignition. The car was running. I had turned off the radio when I parked, and somehow in my mind that turned into turning off the ignition and I skipped that step. I was very lucky my car was still there.
Thanks for the thread! It’s good to know I’m not alone. If I wracked my brain I could come up with many examples; I’d have to decide whether to pick stories for maximum humor, maximum embarrassment, or closest to fatality. Starting with innocuous: I once spent several minutes looking for my contact lens only to find it … in my eye.
I avoided this problem by making turning off engine, key removal and door opening a single joint operation. Locking by finger-push and door closing was also a single joint operation. So when I stopped the engine but remained sitting to think about my next move, I left the key inside … where it remained when I finally opened the door.
I’ve only locked a car with keys inside twice in my life. The second time was a few minutes after paying a locksmith to open the car the first time: I then drove a short distance, parked and remained sitting to think about my folly before opening the door.
Not willing to risk a three-time loser “hat trick”, I left the car locked and checked into a motel.
One evening with the family after a meal at a busy restaurant, we were packing up to go. I always double check our table for misplaced belongings. Signed the check. Got wallet and purse. Got diaper bag. Got jackets. Got kids… oh my god, where’s the baby? I started looking around. Not in the high chair, not on a chair, not on the table (yeah, that sometimes happens), not crawling around. I was just starting to panic, when my spouse looked at me and said “you’re holding him”. :smack:
Ooh, I thought of another one!
I was starting grad school so I needed a car; an old beater suited my purposes fine so I bought one via the Pennysaver — a 1971 Toyota Corolla. Needed some work: I had to replace the alternator immediately or the battery would not charge. But for $200, sure. Fair enough.
Next day, I’m naturally taking it out for a test drive, using the flimsy excuse that I have to pick up some textbooks from my office. On the way back, I see the fuel gauge indicating car is thirsty, so I pull into the nearest service station.
Hmm, ** pulls on license plate ** nope, that’s not it…
** walks along left side of car looking for filler cap **
** walks along right side of car looking for filler cap **
:dubious:
** drops to knees behind car, glances up hopefully at underbelly, looking for structural signs of pipe leading to a filler cap **
** walks around car slowly**
Bloody fucking hell, no wonder the damn car was being sold for only $200, there’s no way to put gas in it!
… OK, let’s see if you do any better. It’s plainly visible in the photo I linked to.
WAG: It’s behind the piece of trim on the pillar behind the left rear window?
Dont stick your finger under a running lawnmower to clear a grass clog - enough said, just dont!
Nah, the circle under the Corolla logo on the front side spins around.
So, I was at the part of my eye exam when I put my lenses back in and sit back down for the final steps. I’ve done that and am thinking, but I still can’t see??! I get back up and cross the room to the sink. One lens is still in the case 
and one is stuck to a piece of paper towel in the trash can.
I still don’t understand what I thought I was doing when I was supposed to be putting my lenses back in.
cochrane sussed it out.
I’d never seen a filler cap so high off the ground on a passenger car, and it looked like decorative trim akin to what zillions of other cars have. Just didn’t occur to me that that could be it until someone showed me.
