Everyone occasionally does something that he hopes nobody else notices. It’s even worse when it’s something that your training and experience should prevent. Even more worser when you’ve warned your spouse about that very activity.
My latest was managing to slice through the toaster cord while slicing a loaf of bread. Now, there’s not much space to work in a motorhome this size, so I’ve at least got that excuse going for me. But I worked in construction and maintenance for 40 years and was trained as an electrician, so the horselaugh I got from the Ms. was particularly galling.
I was replacing the brakes on my truck the other day and when I went to move the truck it would not go anywhere. At first I thought the brakes had seized on but since it has 4 wheel discs and new calipers that could not be. Out of the truck I get to inspect and low and behold the truck is still sitting on the jack. Whoops!
I was on the way to meet a friend and brushed my hair at a stoplight. Then I decided to clean out my brush and throw the hair out the window, so I rolled the window down, then put it back up while my arm was still sticking out of the window. I squished my arm in the window and said “Ow, ow,” before I realized that I my finger was still on the “up” button and the pressure was squeezing my arm. Why I did this I don’t know, but I did get a huge bruise for my stupidity.
I stopped a manager from using a maul on a fire extinguisher before he put it in the dumpster. I stopped the same guy from driving the forklift made for level concrete surfaces onto a dirt hill sloped as a massive drainage channel. He would have been dead under it.
Dropped a lit cigarette onto my computer desk, picked it up, and put the lit end on my lip. I avoided answering when my wife asked me why I had a scab on my lip…
What the hell, I’ve been waiting to share this one.
Had a problem with the forklift at work. We could smell gas and for the life of me, I couldn’t find the leak, and I want to say it wasn’t running well either, but that might not have been part of it.
Either way, I checked the tank, it had gas and it was turned on. I started to unscrew the coupling and propane started spewing out. For those of you who don’t know. Propane when going from pressure to no pressure get’s REALLY REALLY cold. So when that happened, I turned the tank off and got a rag so I could unscrew the fitting the rest of the way without burning my hand. Okay, so my thought process was, at this point is that if there is no pressure in the hose the leak is between the fitting and the engine, if there is pressure in the hose the leak is between the fitting and the tank. So what did I do, I took my car key and used it to press in the little check valve in the fitting. HOLY FUCKING SHIT, it sprayed the liquid propane out hard enough to move my hand back and knocked the key out of my hand. It sprayed all over my hand and arm, soaked into my sweatshirt sleeve and some splattered on my face. Luckily, I was okay, but for about 10 minutes I thought I was going to have to go to the ER. My hand felt like it had been scalded for the next few hours. Crap, that hurt. Oh and it was winter too, so my hands were freezing to begin with.
Yeah, I should have known better.
Years ago I was doing some electrical work in the theatre where I worked. I can handle all of the stage tech disciplines (scenery construction, fly rail, electrics, audio) but electrics was my rustiest area at the time. I had to replace the plug end of an extension cord that, at the time, was wired directly to the electrical panel.
I proceeded to unscrew the screw terminals at the plug end, removed the old plug, installed the new one, attached the wires to the proper screws, tightened everything down, replaced the housing, and walked over to the panel to flip the breaker back on. At that point I discovered I had never turned it off- I was working with a live line, which probably could have killed me if I had accidentally crossed the wires. That was pretty stupid.
More recently, I was preparing to cut up some firewood with my new chain saw. I would get it started, but when I squeezed the throttle the chain wouldn’t spin. I kept going through the shut down/start up procedure for about 30 minutes, but the chain wouldn’t move. It’s a brand new chainsaw. I was just about to give up but I finally realized that I kept applying the chain brake every time I tried to start it up. Duh. Fortunately it dawned on me before I burned out the motor.
I learned very recently that if you forget to put the car you’re towing into neutral before setting off, that you can plow furrows with the tires deep enough to plant potatoes. Likewise if you forget to retract the stabilizers on the motorhome.
If you don’t check to make sure the refrigerator latch is secure in a motorhome, you’ll be reminded the first time you make a hard left.
After 20 some years of trudging up and down the dark basement stairs hauling laundry up and down, I missed that last step, stepped off into thin air, and ended up on my knees, both scraped bloody raw. Luckily, my head was cushioned by a load of dirty underwear. I really have to find one of those stick-up lights to put on those stairs. For now, I taped white tape across the edge of each stair so it glows in the dark, and I am sewing a laundry bag so I can just throw the stuff down the stairs.
I don’t drive, so I do my grocery shopping by bus. I have a large canvas tote and a luggage cart so I don’t have to carry stuff by hand. Last month on one of my shopping trips I stopped at the post office, which is just a few blocks from the store, to check my PO Box. There was a bunch of mail, including one large envelope, and I dropped it all into my tote bag. It wasn’t until I got home that I found out I didn’t have my keys. I left the groceries on my front porch and started retracing my steps, trying to figure out where I could have dropped them. Of course, I didn’t have my cell phone with me so I couldn’t try to call the bus company to see if they had been found on the bus.
By the time I got to the bus stop it had occurred to me that I didn’t remember closing and locking my PO Box. Sure enough, when I got to the post office and went to the customer service area (fortunately they didn’t make me wait in line to ask if any keys had been found) there they were.
My worst was last spring. I was heading out to run errands for the day. I strapped my youngest in her car seat and then threw the keys in the front seat as was my habit. As I was shutting her door, I remembered the car gave a single, quick honk while I was strapping her in. You know that honk a car makes when it locks itself. I had kneeled on the keys, locking the car, that now had all the doors shut with my baby strapped down in her car seat.
The spare key was with my husband at work 40 miles away.
They phone I could have used to call for help was inside my now locked house. My house key was on the key ring with the car key in the now locked car.
Did I mention it was late spring and a warm day?
Luckily a neighbor was home and let me use her phone and phone book to call a locksmith. He was close and made it in under 10 minutes to my home and had the door unlocked in under 2.
Now when strapping kids in the car, my keys stay in my pocket. Always. I never want to go through that half hour ever again.
Baking soda is not cornstarch. It will not thicken sauces, it will only make them fizzy and inedible.
I CAN cook, and I do know the difference - I have no idea why my brain told me the giant bag of baking soda was the same as the little box of cornstarch.
