Boy, do I feel like an idiot

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
141

I have no shortage of these, I’m pained to admit. Here are a couple:

When I lived in California, I had a gimmicky little tchotchke called Earthquake in a Can. When sitting on a desk, it looked just like a regular canned item. But when you picked it up, some gizmo inside caused it to shimmy and quake like anything. Being a natural practical joker, I quite enjoyed watching the reactions of visitors to my office when they casually picked up the can and it did its thing.

When I left the job, I didn’t disable the battery-operated mechanism, just shoved the can into a box along with my other personal items. Put the box in my trunk. Forgot about it.

A week or two later, I noticed a strange shimmy in the rear of the vehicle every time I made a left hand turn. It felt just like something mechanical had started to fail! I took the car to my trusty mechanic. It took him two days and the assistance of his son riding in the trunk of the car while he drove to discover the problem.

I paid him his hourly rate and changed mechanics, due to extreme embarrassment.

More recently, I purchased a rear tine rototiller for my gardens. I carefully studied the schematic on the machine that showed the gear configuration. Everything worked as pictured, except the reverse tine rotation. The tiller kept moving forward, not in reverse as I expected.

I called the dealer’s service department and they kindly offered to send a fellow along after his regular work day to take a look. He ran the tiller through its paces and pronounced it was working perfectly. I pointed out that the tiller moved forward even when the tine rotation was set in reverse. Just as I said it, the penny dropped. What kind of idiot expects the tiller to move in reverse just because the tines are rotating in that direction? This idiot, that’s who.

All I know is, every time I stop by that tractor dealer, they always remember me.

Aspenglow, not an engineer.

142

For 11 or under: “That’s the trunk monkey baby doctor button we used when you were born.”
For 12 or up: “That’s the ejection seat button we used on your brother that you’ve never met.”

143

I had my Jeep for two years before I figured out that the “horseshoe with flames” warning light was the tire pressure sensor alert. Apparently this symbol puzzles a lot of folk.

There was also a button that looked just like a mallard duck, I think it was a FWD assist.

My new BMW has a heads-up display (holographic speed, navigation, etc projected on windshield). This is our first winter together and I was delighted when a cute little snowflake started appearing - how sweet that the car was saying “happy winter!” Turns out it’s a warning that it’s cold enough to cause icy roads.

I could write an entire book on my struggles with Saran Wrap . . .

144

I have one of those on the (2005) Prius. I knew what it was though, because I read the owners manual. :wink:

I have an annunciator in the Prius I call the ‘slippy light’. It’s actually the Traction Control Warning Light. It comes on about half a second after my butt tells me I’ve lost traction. Big help, Slippy Light!

145

I replaced my toilet about 4 times in 20 years always going for bigger and more expensive because they never seemed to handle my waste without assist from a plunger. A few months ago I figured out that if I just hold the handle down a few seconds longer it won’t be a problem. Just another example of problems I could have avoided if I wasn’t always rushing.

146

Or you could adjust the float so that the tank fills with more water.

147

It doesn’t really matter how much water is in The tank if you’re only letting a splash of water into the bowl per load.

148

…I got up very early when my Dearly Beloved™ awoke. I got bizzy cause there was Banana Bread to bake. Got to the butter, mashed the bananas, did the eggs. Stopped cold when I couldn’t find the vanilla extract. Now, I’m not exactly an epicure when it comes to my vanilla. I use the artificial stuff. Because, hell, if I think Fresca tastes like grapefruit and banana-flavored Bonomo Turkish Taffy tastes like banana then hell, I can use the artificial stuff. Which is remarkably inexpensive next to the Gen Ewe Ine stuff.

I know we had a big bottle around. I know it. We’d made French Toast a few weeks ago, and making French Toast without using vanilla extract is a bit like making Pancakes and forgetting the flour. Well. Anyway.

I look. HARD. It’s a very small NYC apartment kitchen. I look on the floor under the sideboard. I look in places this thing would have NO business being. No dice. I’m flummoxed and have to get some, because I’m not baking up 8 loaves of the aforementioned Banana Bread without it.

I go and buy. I come home. I walk up and glance into the sink. Which has two things sitting in it. One of which is the large bottle of vanilla extract. I’d put it in there after rinsing off something that was goopy on the outside of it. I’d done this about 20 minutes before I “couldn’t find it”.

It.Was.Right.There. :smack::smack::smack::smack::smack::smack::smack:

149

We have the 2010 model. Does the same thing. WTF!!!

150

Well, it would be hard for it to indicate loss of traction before the event. :wink:

I can only guess that it’s for situations other than a momentary slip (e.g., icy conditions).

151

Been having problems with some websites not loading. Could not figure out the issue. I could sometimes fix it by restarting my router.

It just dawned on me that I’d been trying to block a certain site using the parental controls. I don’t know why it blocked so many other sites, or why I could sometimes fix it, but I should have thought to check it.

152

Here is a list of dashboard annunciators.

153

That’s not a “warning light” that you have to do something, but an indicator that the Traction Control system has engaged. It is there to (try to) save your butt from bad driving practices by Doing the Right Thing that most people aren’t trained to do reflexively. It’s kind of like the counterpart to ABS (antilock braking systems).

An ABS system automatically pumps, or pulses, the brakes when you stand on them without letting go, when it senses the brakes are locking up. It used to be you had to be a good enough driver to realize “hey, my brakes are locking up, I’d better release them and reapply them to actually brake at all” - and on a slippery surface like gravel or snow, to realize that you should be pumping them as rapidly as possible to keep from locking up. The ABS system will do it for any driver who just slams on the brakes and doesn’t let go, plus it can detect actual lockup (versus possible) and pulse much faster than a person could pump. So it is not just “something for people who can’t drive” (an unfair judgment in any case of someone who doesn’t regularly practice emergency driving situations), it’s actually going to do it better than a human, every time.

As for Traction Control, that’s for when you’re accelerating on a slippery surface. If you’re just stepping on the accelerator thinking “cmon car go faster!”, and the tires have no traction, you’re just spinning the tires faster and faster for no gain. Then, if/when any of your tires DO get better traction (encounters clear road, for example), you’ll have a massive jerk of power, which can be jolting - and if only one of your drive wheels gets that patch of contact, you could get a lopsided jerk of power, and lose control as the car suddenly veers off to one side.

So the TCS (traction control system) will short circuit your stomping on the gas pedal and act like you released it completely, or are engaging it very lightly and smoothly, when it senses you have no traction.

This is another area where drivers who are “experts” (in their minds, at least) at driving in gravel or snow, are driving in those conditions intentionally rather than panicking at encoutering it, and are actively looking to lose traction in order to drift into a different angle, and then snap out of the drift with a burst of torque… They want to be able to disable TCS to do it.

But for your everyday driver who is looking to avoid these conditions and are only encountering them rarely and under stressful conditions, these things are very useful.

Note that TCS cannot actually GIVE you traction. Nothing can do that except the road and the contact your tires make with the road (translation: if you live in an area with significant snow, strongly consider getting good snow tires). It’s improving your odds of retaining steering control in a scenario where you suddenly lose it.

154

My point was that I already know I’ve lost traction before the light comes on. I don’t need a light to tell me. (And there are times when I want to accelerate quickly, knowing that there might be six or seven pieces of gravel in the road that will cause a momentary loss of traction. In these cases, I know that the loss of traction would be resolved in less time than the time it takes for the TCS to disengage and re-engage.)

155

Well the first thing I thought when the slippy light popped on for the first time was, “Oh Shit Swerve now, someone is about to hit you”. My second was “Which way? How the hell does that light help me?” My third was “I’m pretty sure this car didn’t come with any accident detection/avoidance crap.”

156

Well, I’ve managed to pull another boner.

I’ve mentioned before that this old house is a funky old house. The bathroom is no different. It’s tiny. The toilet seat has been loose for a while. Mrs. L.A.'s arms and hands are small enough to reach between the bathtub and the toilet bowl, but mine aren’t. It’s basically impossible for me to tighten the seat bolt on that side. And I have to lay on the floor to get to the other one. Since Mrs. L.A. hasn’t tightened the seat, I decided I would take whatever steps necessary to do it.

I went out to the hardware store to find a deep socket that would fit the four-eared nylon nut. My socket sets are not handy, so I got another ratchet drive and an extension. The problem I knew was coming was that the only socket that fit the nut was too short for the bolt. I’ll have to remove the seat and cut the nylon bolt. Almost $40 later I’m ready to start the job.

I could reach between the tub and the toilet enough to unscrew the nut. (There’s just no room for me to get in there with a wrench. Fortunately, the nut was finger-tight.) I blind-marked where the nut was with a Sharpie so that I’d know where to cut the bolt. I’m unscrewing and unscrewing and unscrewing… Man those are fine threads! Then I realised the bolt was turning. :dubious: I look at the top of the hinges. Hm. There seem to be covers that open. They’re like the ones on the old seat (on the old toilet) that allow you to easily snap the seat off for cleaning. I know the new seat doesn’t have a quick-removal feature. I open the caps… They cover the bolts. The bolts that have a slot on top. A slot that a screwdriver will fit into. :smack:

I remove the seat and give it a nice cleaning (Why not?), and then put it back onto the toilet. I hold the tight-side nut with my fingers while I screw the bolt in from its head. I repeat on the other side. And then simply use a screwdriver to make them nice and tight. No need to get into a tight space with a crescent wrench, and no need to do any cutting and using my new socket, extension, and driver. :rolleyes:

157

The idea of those lights is that if you lose traction, and the light DOESN’T come on, that there is something wrong with the system that maybe you should get looked at.

On the other hand, if the car itself detects a problem with the TCS or ABS, the way it usually works is that they light up briefly during starting the car as they self-diagnose, and then stay lit if there is a malfunction.

So yeah. “If it comes on and stays on when you’re still in your garage, that’s a problem; if it wasn’t on but then comes on when there’s a problem as it occurs, that’s a good thing; but wasn’t on and then doesn’t come on if you lose traction, that’s a problem” is not the most elegant way to communicate to the driver.

158

You are not alone in this, my friend. Not. Alone.

159

We - mom, brother and I - were going to see Last Jedi today. I drove us in mom’s Volvo. I was looking for a parking place near the theater, saw one on the other side of the street and unwisely turned into a tiny driveway to turn around. On backing up, the car went off the curb, smashing the radiator. Result? No movie, a 20 or so minute wait for a tow truck, a 15 mile or so drive to the mechanic and the first-ever Uber ride home for mom and I.

Everyone makes mistakes, but what hurts the most is that it was all avoidable with just a little more care. Instead, I feel like shit.

160

Wait, how do you smash the radiator by backing up?