You know who else was a dicknose?
Pinocchio!
Since we’re writing about Dorothy Parker, here are my favorite lines of hers:
That is the saddest verse I have ever read.
Oh geeze. That is surprisingly evocative.
“I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I’m under the table,
after four I’m under my host.”
"Once when I was young and true
Someone left me sad.
Broke my brittle heart in two
And that was very bad.
Love is for unlucky folk.
Love is but a curse.
Once there was a heart I broke
And that I think is worse."
Burma Shave
Here I sit,
Broken-hearted…
Roses are red,
violets are blue,
my cats breath smells like cat food.
As she walked through the snow,
the hail and blinding sleet,
her head was full of worries
and her shoes were full of feet.
Roses are red
Violets are blue.
Most poems rhyme.
But this one doesn’t.
Regards,
Shodan
I agree. I was just giving my opinion on the writing in question; I didn’t find it excellent, but I did would not have criticized him for it (maybe if he was writing a story and was asking for criticism, then I would).
Now you’ve got me wondering how to better describe it - but it was choppy, and it didn’t have a good flow! 
His sentences were too short, and they would have read better if they were longer?
I agree that BoyoJim was out of line. Good modding there, glad he was already upbraided accordingly.
But frankly? I think the OP of the original thread is yet another sympathy troll. And I think the big clue is that with dozens of helpful replies, one of his two responses was to BoyoJim – with the terse “Storytelling has never been my forte.” Doesn’t that sound like a smirking way to mock everyone who’s bought his story?
I may very well be wrong. I’m sure lots of lurkers delurk with tales of woe. I just find it really bizarre when people do that, and my suspicious nature puts me on my guard.
Consider this a bookmark so that when the sadsack OP returns with some other Pajama-Girl type of tale where everyone gets all caught up in the ANGST and DRAMA, I can just nod knowingly with sympathy for those who end up embittered. Is that, um, 'kay? 
(Again, as I said, I’m very possibly wrong. And it doesn’t make what BoyoJim said any more appropriate.)
Well, you know, choie, in a post-umkay world, every new poster is going to get some detectives on the case. But, like you have admitted, that doesn’t make Boyo’s post any less silly.
ETA: But yeah, I couldn’t read “storytelling has never been my forte” without thinking of the famous last line in Saki’s Open Window, for some reason.
Sure. The essay lacks subordination and relies on simple sentences and sentence fragments to carry the brunt of the narrative. I would suggest using conjunctive words and phrases to lengthen the average sentence length which will provide a more satisfying rhythm.
Rather than mention a few rather abstract concepts, I’ve listed discrete items i.e. subordination, simple sentences and fragments, that have well-defined and accepted meanings and will be mentioned in any good writer’s book and suggested a method for eliminating the aforementioned problems. Now, there’s no guarantee that the essay will be any better for having followed my method but it gives the writer something to work with. If your writing doesn’t flow, presumably you’re not recognizing what is ‘flowy’ writing and what isn’t because after all, if you knew, you wouldn’t write like that, would you?
You want positive stuff? Okay. At least Boyo Jim isn’t all righteously indignant in this thread, like most Dopers (including myself at times) would be. Kudos, dude.
He’s still a butthole though.
I agree it was out of line, but I’ve never pegged Boyo Jim as an a-hole before. Maybe he was just having a bad day. Or maybe I’ve missed some greatest hits…
And you know what really pisses me off?
People who ask physicy questions without a single equation in the post.
Geezus Christ.
Fracking peasants almost all of you.
I was reading along and thinking, huh, I wonder if Boyo Jim’s going to pull a Der Trihs and not acknowledge some accurate flames. That behavior is weak, childish, and deprives me of entertainment. Just because you suck at defending your stupid, indefensible opinions doesn’t mean refusal to defend them is praiseworthy. Quite the contrary: your inept flailings are funny, which makes them of value, and therefore must be encouraged. I suppose you might also learn something from the criticism but that’s beside the point.