Brain dead child

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

This actually happened to me today (3 July 00)

I’m sitting in my lab rather cranky because I have to go in to take care of my worms, and one of my students comes in. He will henceforth be know as “Brain Dead Child”.

BRAIN DEAD CHILD: Dr T do you give make up tests?

ME: Ummmmmm it’s in the syllabus. I give them if you have another final at the same time or three in a day. Do you fit this criteria? Are you going to need a make-up?

BRAIN DEAD CHILD: I need to take a make-up TEST, not a final.

ME: A test? I don’t give make-ups that’s why I give three tests and allow you to throw out the lowest grade.

ME (now curious): Are you going to miss the next test?

BRAIN DEAD CHILD: Yes I’m going on a family vacation.

ME: Well the test you’re going to miss will just have to be the one you throw out.

BRAIN DEAD CHILD: Well ummmmmmm I missed the first test.

ME (slightly annoyed): Why did you miss the first test?

BRAIN DEAD CHILD: I was on vacation

ME (growing more annoyed): But you just said that you were going on vacation and miss the next test!

BRAIN DEAD CHILD: Oh that’s a FAMILY vacation, the other one was mine.

ME (EXTREMELY annoyed): Were you unaware that you would be taking summer courses?

BRAIN DEAD CHILD: Yes but this trip has been planned for a LOOOOOOOOOONG time.

ME (trying to be rational): Don’t you think that it maybe wasn’t such a good idea to take summer courses then?

BRAIN DEAD CHILD: But I NEED this course.

ME (sick and tired of the entire conversation): Well then you are either going to NEED to take the test and miss your vacation. If not, I suggest you drop because you probably won’t be able to pass this course.

BRAIN DEAD CHILD: But it’s a FAMILY vacation. I don’t think you’re being very fair.

ME (angry now): Well I’ve told you what your options are, so now it’s up to you to decide.

Now this is where it got weird.

I look out the corner of my eye, and through the window I see two boys STEALING an ice-cream cart. I don’t know how I knew I just did.

ME: Are those your friends?
BRAIN DEAD CHILD (sheepishly looking out the window): Ummmmmmmm yup.
ME: I think they might need your help.
BRAIN DEAD CHILD (earnestly) : It sure does. I’d better go. So I can’t take a make-up?
ME: No. You’d better go.

BRAIN DEAD CHILD exits.

I slap myself on the forehead (DOH!!) and call the campus cops.

See what I have to deal with?!?!?

2

A stolen ice-cream cart? Surreal.

It always amazed me how many students didn’t understand that the “throw-out” test was to be used regardless of the reason they missed the test.

LOSERBOY: “Hey, it’s not fair that JoeBob gets to dump his 48%. What about me?”

ME: “Well, you were too hung over to take the first test. You got a zero, but I’m throwing it out. Everyone gets one chance to screw up.”

LOSERBOY: “But he got to take the test and try for a score, I never got the chance. Waaaaaah.”

ME: “You forget that you gave up that chance when you decided to sleep it off.”

LOSERBOY: “I don’t understand. Hey! Can I get extra-credit?”

nrrrrrg

3

Jesus girl,

That boy needs to get his ass to the “U of Crackbaby”.

Here in New Mexico the lottery recently arrived. The price to get it legalized here ended up being scholarships to college. Now every kid with at least a 2.0 gpa in high school (mind you the public education here stinks as it is) would get a free ride to college. In theory this sounded great as schooling was provided for those who could not afford it. And I am sure that some students are getting the chance they never had. BUT it also ended up overpopulating the place with fuckin morons. I hope that this shit you have to deal with is isolated because here it seems to be running rampant. I have been told horror story after horror story about the fuckin paint eating morons that now are on a scholarship. Just sad.
Oh yea…

I had read your previous post in the pit and I feel your pain. My mother teaches all levels of chemistry at a community college as well as the university here in town. Ironically among the two the community college students tend do much better in the same classes. She has told me horror stories that the university students try to pull on her. Seems that no matter where you go you get the “paid for tuition paid for an A” mentality". I guess that when you are working a full time job, supporting a child alone, and going to school you value your education a little bit more.

4

ggrrrrr…

Now I understand the moron you were dealing with doesn’t even have the sense to figure out what ‘college’ means. I hate lil’ punks that get paid through college, don’t work, and have no aspirations!!!

I know am 19 and my fiance is 20 going to UCF. I support him through college. His STUPID theatre survey teacher decided the day of the final exam to get over-anxious by the few students that have been talking in his calss. The girls had been put up with all semester and then -poof- the day of the final, he decides to walk out of the final. He took the overhead transpanensy and left. Everyone didn’t get that grade. It was ‘the’ drop grade

Now I know my fiance should have been doing better in school, but that was his last chance to pass. The teacher wouldn’t let him have an incomplete. He had missed two quizzes due to car problems and medical problems. The teacher also graded on a high school grading scale 90-100, 89-80, etc… He completely failed the class.

Now he has no scholarships and I have to put together enough money for tuition and books for next fall. He is working too but he wont be able to work as much in the fall. Right now I don’t like college proffesors…
grrrrrr…

of course Bio-brat you can be excluded…

5

Out of sheer curiosity, do you teach at Ohio State?

6

Not a hijack. Not a hijack. All hail the superior teaching skills of those who really care about their students. All hail the kind and noble bio-brat… :wink:

That being said, I did have a Econ 310 professor who curved every test we took (about 6 over the semester) and then at the end of the semester decided that his “grades were too high”. So he dumped the curve and dropped an average of 9 points from everyone’s grade. Now this was after our final when it was way too late to do anything about your grade. I am fully aware that after he dumped the curve everyone was just back at the grade they actually earned (so how much can one bitch), but I did enough studying to keep a strong B in that class (good enough to get me on the Dean’s list) until the “curve-restructering” which put me at a C and off the Dean’s list. Small potatoes now but at the time, boy was I pissed!