When I was a kid, my father made us scrambled eggs one morning. Somehow, he felt a need to make them special, so he poured a heap of garlic powder in. As he put the jar back in the cupboard, he must have spotted the food coloring and thought, “Oooh that’ll be festive!” They came out a nauseating purplish puce. Awful tasting too.
For a very different take on breakfast gone horribly wrong, my girlfriend and I took a visiting friend from out of town out to breakfast this morning.
$60 later, I was really wishing I had made sausage and grits.
When I was a kid my brother once got his hands on my mom’s food dye and turned a perfectly good gallon of milk GREEN! I had an aversion to most green food at the time (was horrified when once served green eggs n ham) and literally could not bring myself to eat my now green oatmeal… Blegh!
In the morning at work when it’s a season where I want hot tea instead of something cold to drink, I will not-infrequently hit the full-pot brew button on the coffeemaker instead of the hot water button. Hola, hot water all over the counter and splashing on my shirt!
When I was a kid, I once discovered why no one ever used the toaster at Mom’s house after burning (literally burning–smoke and all) probably a half-dozen Pop-Tarts as I kept experimenting with turning the setting further and further down. (I finally flipped the toaster over and checked the bottom–there was another, hidden switch set all the way to the highest setting… and jammed there.)
I once astonished a friend by correctly guessing that his missing salt and pepper shakers were in his bathroom.
I was once the victim of a practical joke. Sat down at the picnic table with my breakfast and cup of coffee. Some hooligan (who never did reveal himself) had filled the sugarbowl with salt. This was over 40 years ago, and I still vividly remember the experience of that first swig of coffee with cream and salt. Worse, I had to get up and walk about 50 feet away before I could spew.
.
When my brother and I were little, we’d get up long before Mom on Saturday morning and make experiments for breakfast. The worst two: Cereal with Sweet-N-Low, and olive-mayonnaise sandwiches.
Really? I’d like to hear more about it.
On my first reading of this sentence, I missed the “s” in “rasped.”
On my second reading, my eyes were a lot wider.
That’s because you didn’t have your coffee yet.
One ill fated St. Patty’s day when I was a kid, my mom thought it would be a good idea to throw a little green food coloring into the sausage gravy.
I haven’t eaten biscuits and gravy since.
Thou shall not pout thy OJ in thy coffee having mistaken it for thy milk. If, however thy father pourest OJ in his coffee, thou shalt only restrain thy amusement such that thou shall not droppest thy ceral bowl on thy dog, for thy dog enjoyest not having dishware dropped on her, or having baths to remove thy sugary chocolate milk from her fur.
Also, 7-up doesn’t go well on Wheaties, nor does OJ, or coffee. In fact it’s probably worth noting that putting coffee, cream and sugar on any ceral does not in fact increase breakfast efficiency.
My late pops used to walk around the house with his tv remote in hand, and I still chuckle remembering how I visited one Sun. p.m. and only moments after arriving back home, the phone rang.
“Hello”
“Dammit, what did you do with the remote? I can’t find it anywhere!”
“Uh, dad? I never touched it.”
“Well, *&%#+! it didn’t walk away by itself.”
after a long pause I thought … he got up, told me good-bye, and went to the kitchen to refresh his iced tea…
“Um, dad? Why not check the freezer.”
“Why in the world would I…just a minute…never mind.”
Had the salsa ready, the eggs were scrambling, and the breakfast sausage patties were far too bland so a couple of dashes of some cayenne powder were just the thing…
Peculiar odor and yes, you guessed it …Cinnamon…inedible, but only the meat was ruined, not the entire breakfast.
I can’t count the number of times I’ve forgotten to put coffee in the coffee maker. I’d put the water in, put the cream and sugar in my cup, and got hot flavored water, but no coffee.
I usually do this when hungover.
So? how was it?
Honestly I have yet to make mistakes such as describe here… but only through sheer dumb luck. I sometimes have a soda with breakfast (it’s a caffeine deliver mechanism. I don’t do coffee, okay???) and have come closer than I like, to pouring the soda onto the cereal.
At my grandmother’s house as a teen, I once blearily ate 95% of a bowl of Fruit and Fiber brand cereal before noticing movement in the bowl. Apparently some moths had gotten in the box, and I was eating Fruit, Fiber, and Larvae cereal.
Dunno… I still think “penis ensues” is best. But I do love the imagery of “poured music”. That’d make a wonderful cartoon!
I didn’t mean to suggest it should become our motto or anything, only to say that when someone completely wins a thread or posts something so totally awesome that it deserves acclaim that we should say, for example, “Mama Zappa has poured music on this thread.”
In fact, I’ve already begun employing this usage.
Moot point now as the product has been discontinued, but remember when they made colored ketchup? bright green goo in a bottle?
A friend of mine learned the hard way that this variety should not be used to make meatloaf. IIRC, she said it tasted OK, but the visual appeal was… lacking.
I thought maybe it was a brand name, like Silk. It would actually make a good name for a milk-like product. Except I supposed people would want to download it for free instead of paying for it.