Once for each boob!
I have a friend whose job is promoting breast feeding and providing environments for women to breastfeed without feeling societal pressure not to. I applaud what she does, but think it’s a shame that she has to.
Personally I don’t have a problem with it at all; further, I think people who do need to have a long hard think about their priorities.
A question, isn’t part of the function of breastfeeding bras to support the breast while the baby nurses, so you don’t have to? I know my sister in law bought her first one for discretion’s sake (you just have to open the flap, rather than practically taking off the bra) but went back for more later because the extra support helped with several issues. Then again, maybe the flaps on big sized bras are too large…
I’m fine with breastfeeding in public. I’m not fine with breastfeeding a 4yo in public, but that’s because I’m also not fine with breastfeeding a 4yo.
Can’t for the life of me figure out why anyone could possibly have any kind of problem with this. What are women supposed to do, encase themselves in makeshift tents?
I’m trying to work out how to describe what I do, which feels pretty discrete, even with E cup boobies at the moment. Basically reach in through the neckline and unclip with my right hand (when feeding on the left), with the baby cradled in my left arm. Then hold her face in front of boob while I use right hand to go up under shirt and flip the bra flap down, while still covered with the shirt. Then check her position, and bring her close as I lift my shirt up just enough to get her to latch on, using my right hand to lift the boob. I keep hold of the boob to keep it positioned, and also to cover any spare flesh showing around her head. (Wow, that’s a lot of boobs). I’ve done this in front of a male staff member when I visited work who commented on the technique (he’s recently become a dad, so perhaps he’s more aware of these things).
I made a hooter hider myself - easy pattern if you’re interested. It worked well for a few months, but around 4-5 months they get too interested in the world to put up with being permanently separated from it. What I do now use it for is as a cover over her when she’s in the mei tai sling and needs a nap - it cuts down on distraction and allows her to drop off for 30-40 min or so, which is just enough to take the edge off tiredness while we’re out.
And on topic - 7 month old baby is fed whenever we’re out, and I’ve done it in restaurants, on trains, on the side of the street and in cars - never had a awkward look or negative comment. Better than a hungry baby any day!
I am with Diogenes the Cynic on nothing being wrong with it, but I am also glad to read what Anaamika said from a woman.
There is nothing wrong with female breasts (I am quite fond of them), but there are situations where they put us men in a double bind where I for one am very uncomfortable:
That usually is not a problem as you can adopt a stance that is seen not to be looking but also not seen to be looking away.
But sometimes not. I remember one instance where I sat in a train compartment (face to face seating), and the lady opposite proceeded to breastfeed her baby in a non-discreet way. I could not look ahead (see 1. above), could not look into a book or newspaper (not having brought one) and the window was positioned so that it was obvious I d’be wringing my own neck in order to look away (see 2. above). Fortunately I came up with a fake call of nature.
But yes, in all situations where other people are able to not-look-while-not-conspiciously-looking-away, go ahead. Guten Appetit.
Exactly my feeling on it; thank you for putting it more succinctly than I did.
I view it as being as impolite as blowing your nose in front of me. Which means I don’t mind, but if you can sorta tilt off so I don’t accidentally see your breast, that would be nice. And avoid it in formal situations where blowing your nose would be considered to gauche–though chances are you aren’t with a baby in those situations anyways.
I don’t know about smaller sizes, but I’m an H cup, and there is no support once you’ve removed the flap to feed. In fact, to be able to feed comfortably, I find I have to get the whole breast out so it is sort of hanging free!
Hi GfM! Thanks for the tips. I think where things get difficult for me is that, with my afforementioned H boobs (up from a pre-pregnancy E!), I need two hands to really get the cup down and out the way, and that’s where the juggling starts. I’m also finding it difficult to get him latched on comfortably when he is cradled in my arms (I tend to use pillows at home to free up my arms and get him at the right height). Perhaps all I need is more practice and a devil-may-care attitude to the whole thing (and not thinking that everyone around me will be of the “I don’t mind breastfeeding, but I’d rather not see an inch of flesh” type). I think I would be able to deal with direct negative comments a lot better than sidelong stares and vague disapproval.
Practice is good - I cloistered myself at home for all feeds for the first month or two, afraid to go out. Then a friend made me go to the Babes in Arms movie session, which meant I would have to feed in public, regardless of whether I wanted to! But it was good - everyone was staring at the screen or dealing with babies themselves, so it was a great place to get used to the idea.
Perhaps start trying it without pillows at home, so you know you can? And bugger everyone - if you need to feed your baby, you need to. Find a quiet corner, don’t make a big fuss and no-one will even realise you’re doing it.
Definition of gauche-“lacking in social polish”. The only way you could consider breast feeding to be gauche, AFAIK would be if you belonged to the school of thought that only peasant breast fed and ladies use formula or wet nurses…in which case you’re about 150years behind the times.
The point being, if there is a situation where it would be acceptable to bottle feed a baby, it should be acceptable to breast feed a baby.
Obviously, yes, there are situations that are not baby friendly (black tie events, funerals- and when I attended those irishbaby stayed home), but I can’t actually think of a situation where bottle feeding would be just fine, and yet breast-feeding would be a social faux pas.
Because the whole world doesn’t have to see your entire exposed breast while you’re nursing? I speak from experience in this matter having quite happily nursed my daughter until she was two in dozens of public places. There are many different ways to nurse discretely without having to encase yourself in a tent.
As tschild pointed out she’s potentially making life uncomfortable for bystanders who may not quite know how to react around someone so openly exposed.
Personally I’m very glad to see someone nursing anywhere because it’s a good thing to do for both mother and baby and all too often made harder than it should be in American society. But a little discretion along the way isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
Yes, I think practice is necessary! Still, it makes it harder to use the computer whilst feeding (as I am at the moment)!
I hope this makes anyone realise that not every breastfeeding mother who is doing it in public is actually that happy or comfortable at doing it. The only option otherwise is to sequester yourself away for months, and that is obviously neither fair to expect or practical.
However, I have been embarrassed a coupla times when someone began breastfeeding soooo discretely that I wondered over to check if everything was OK. At some point realization kicks in and I slinks off.
I’m not remotely offended by public breastfeeding. However, I do think that a comment made by a previous poster (don’t remember who – it was on the first page somewhere) bears repeating: this is a society and we all need to accept some give and take.
So, it’s a given that babies need to eat. And, further, that they need to eat on demand, wherever they happen to be. It’s also a given that some people will be embarrassed by the sight of a baby breastfeeding, or repulsed by the sight and sound of a baby breastfeeding.
This is where the give and take comes in. Breastfeeding mothers need to be as discreet as possible. Use a blanket or a sling or a Hooter Hider (wish they’d had those when my son was little!) or the two-shirt method. Do the best you can.
And the same goes for people who are embarrassed or repulsed by breastfeeding. If you see a mother nursing her child and it makes you uncomfortable; just manage your discomfort like a grownup. Excuse yourself if you have to; or just sit there and be a bit uncomfortable. It won’t kill you.
Give and take.
Don’t care one way or the other.
I long for the day when this is a non-issue, and the idea of a Hooter Hider is incomprehensible. From what I have read, Americans are far more prudish about this than many conservative Muslim countries, where women have to be covered from head to toe . . . except if they’re nursing, they can “whip out the whole boob,” without anyone batting an eye.
I understand feeling uncomfortable, given our cultural history. I remember having my first conversation with a nursing mom, and I wasn’t sure where to look! But I think if you’re functioning on good faith, and if you realize that your discomfort doesn’t equate to a right to tell the mom to stop, it’s all cool. And the more women nurse in public, the easier it will be for everyone to feel at ease. We’ll get there. (Can you imagine the reaction people would have had in 1950 to a woman walking around in a tank top with her bra straps showing? It would be unthinkable! And yet in one generation, we’ve progressed to that being so common it’s not noticed.)
If anyone ever feels like they have a right to tell a nursing mom to stop or move, I’d like them to remember that there are a lot of people who are offended by seeing a baby given formula, but I’ve never known one to tell a mom to stop!
And it might not work. My daughter and I really had to be in a comfy spot to breastfeed, so while we could do it in public, it wasn’t happening in the average restaurant chair. It happened in the “women’s lounge” at Nordstrom or a couch in the back of Barnes and Noble. A chair with padded arms was the minimum.
She couldn’t eat while there was distractions - even from a young age she was more interested in looking around than eating. And she had to be positioned “just right” - at six months she said “enough of this” and gave up the breast in favor of the bottle which let her spend her feeding time looking at something other than my chest.
But we figured it out and the types of places a new mom goes out in public (which honestly, wasn’t many) always had somewhere it would work - although I didn’t get the advantage of “she’s hungry - immediate feed” - I got “she’s hungry - where can I go?”
I actually think it is kind of cute. Babies are cute, young mothers are cute. It doesn’t strike me as particularly sexual.
Regards,
Shodan
I actually have heard people make insulting comments to bottle-feeding mothers like, “Your baby would be healthier if you breastfed” or “breastfeeding increases intelligence.” They aren’t telling them to stop, only guilting them about their children’s future. :rolleyes: It’s all part of the YOU’RE A BAD MOMMY brigade’s plans to make every single mother feel inadequate somehow.
And this makes me want to slap people so hard their heads fall off. If there’s anything MORE gauche than whipping out both boobs in public and making an obvious show that you are breastfeeding and that you want the attention (because I have no doubt she wanted that; we’re in the SCA dance class for godssakes and of course the men will look) it is trying to tell other people their business. SHUT UP. You have no idea why a mother can’t breastfeed.
I suggest that every woman who gets one of these comments should instantly burst into tears and start saying, “I wanted to breastfeed, I did, but I couldn’t, how could you bring up something so sensitive, oh, I am treating my kid so bad, you’re such an awful person, sob, sob…” And carry on until they apologize or quit the area.
Shodan, I do have to disagree though. Not all young mothers are cute. And definitely not all babies are cute!