Fascinating topic. As a British person I don’t often contemplate the way that British people speak the language that my ancestors gifted to the world, because I am one of them and I do it naturally, even when I’m typing. Which gives me a massive and unfair advantage over 99% of the Earth’s population, and do I care? Not a bit. Still, reading through Wikipedia’s article on the intrusive R I hadn’t realised that I pronounce “tuna oil” as “tuna roil”, even though tuna by itself is “toonah”.
There’s a class thing, though. A posh person would say “tuna (tiny pause) oil”, or more likely “olive oil”. It just feels more natural to say “tuna roil”, because otherwise I would have to say “TU-NA-O-YLE” in a kind of staccato way. “Tunaroil” just rolls off the tongue. Eww. “Who were better, Erasure ROAR The Pet Shop Boys”, etc, and the answer is of course The Pet Shop Boys. Obvious.
But then again the fad for the last twenty years or so - even amongst posh people - has been to adopt an exaggerated parody of East Lahhndahhn cock-er-ney wide-boy guvnor apples and pears right royal barrel of monkeys shut it! get your trousers on yer nicked sunshine etc type of accent. So that even though actual Cockneys no longer exist, England is full of white people who pretend to sound like them. This is fading away into an imitation of a Jamaican-style accent, although a mock-American accent seems to be popular with kids as well. The irony is that The Sweeney didn’t sound like The Sweeney at all, John Thaw spoke very clearly because he was a distinguished actor and television was still up-tight in the late 1970s. So modern Britain is basically built on a lie, a misunderstanding.
According to the Daily Mail - you might not like it, but it is England - this patois is called “Jafaican” (vomits) (commits self-harm) (anger) (tears). Apparently “the Scouse accent found on Merseyside, and the Mancunian dialect will both hold firm and swell in influence, perhaps because the area is dominated by famous footballers like Wayne Rooney and soap stars from Coronation Street and Hollyoaks.”
Ye Gods, a bleak future. Tuna roil, never thought about that before. Jesus, my own mouth turned against me. Who are you? In its charming non-offensive way the Mail has a guide to speaking Geordie, from which I learn that:
“Geordie: Eeeh man, ahm gannin te the booza.
Translation: Okay, I have had enough, I am going to the pub.”
The sidebar only has two stories about Kim Kardashian today, something must be wrong.