As I took the kettle out of the up-high cabinet where I never go (which ended up holding many things I didn’t remember I own) to have my biannual hot chocolate, I wondered, do British people get in trouble if a kettle is not sitting on their stovetop at all times? Can a policeman politely enter your home and check? What community service is imposed for violators?
Also, will I get in trouble for putting non-Pods pods in my Tide Pods container?
Stove-top kettles are pretty rare these days, and it has been permitted to be without one since 1971, but the Electric Kettle Enforcement Agency is ever vigilant.
Spot on, mate. One does not want to get on the wrong side of the dreaded EKEA. Those blokes can be bloody wankers if you cross them.
I was reported to them a couple of years ago by a chap from the Gas Board who’d come round to service my boiler. Apparently, I took longer than the proscribed 30 seconds to offer him a cuppa. I had to attend a series of evening classes on “The Vital Importance of a Cup of Tea and a Nice Sit Down”.
I took my lumps and got on with my life, but it was a rough time.
Is it true that the EKEA has trucks they drive around with special antennas in them that can detect electric kettles in the flats they pass?
And how many lumps did he take? Milk?
Reconfigured “Cat Detector” Vans, obviously.
That’s what they’d have us believe. Few are willing to speak publicly about this, lest hard-faced men come a-calling, just before the dawn. No-one wants to be the subject of a surprise Kettle Audit. No-one. 
It’s terrible when you’re moving house. I had to buy an extra kettle last time, to ensure I was able to provide a cuppa on demand at both the old and the new house.
I’m considering getting one of those emergency car ones, just in case, but then what would I do for milk?
The EKEA make me laugh compared to their Russian counterparts.
How about a few of these?
Ah, the Federal Samovar Service of the Russian Federation! :eek:
EKEA don’t really go in for gulags, they specialize more in excruciating social embarrassment which, for the average Briton, is way worse.
What happens when they find a cat that hasn’t been confused?
Loony detector vans, you mean.
How much do electric induction water warmers cost? The last time I went to Europe I fell in love with them since they are so much faster than both a kettle and a microwave.
So one could substitute an induction tea kettle for those short-notice tea necessities 
It’s people like what cause unrest.
I’m happy to report that out here in Her Majesty’s Dominion, the electric kettle is alive and well.
But the kettle’s on to boil
And we’re so easily called away
Brits do indeed love their cuppas.
I grew up in New Jersey. Philadelphia raised Dad (385th Fighter Squadron of the 364th Fighter Group, Honington Air Base) married Orpington, Kent raised Mom (bombed out of 3 houses in “Bomb Alley”) in 1945 and brought his beloved wife back to live in the States for the rest of their lives.
I recall no day in their 70 year marriage that my parents did not enjoy at least one cuppa tea each and every day. Their last cups were the day they each died.
I remember how grown up I felt when Mom taught me how to properly brew tea when I was 4. I delighted in making tea for my neighborhood chums. Our stovetop kettle hardly had time to cool.
…think I’ll make a cup right now.