So, I’ve been dating a girl for about a month. Seemingly, everything was perfect. I liked her, and she liked me. She was kinda nerdy, a total walking existential crisis. I could tell from the moment I met her that she was similar to me: a brain going a hundred miles per hour in every direction, relentlessly turned inwards and confused. From the moment we met, we were perfectly comfortable together. I felt like we’d known each other our entire lives.
But that was just it. There was no spark. She felt like a roommate, and instant life-long best friend. Not a lover. I had to end it before things got too intense, and she didn’t take it well. There was a lot of crying, squirming, going back and forth between my apartment and her car.
Wide-eyed with horror, she was utterly flabbergasted at how she was going to handle it in the morning. “I don’t know, I just don’t know.”
She tried to cut her hair off.
She said she was going to go home and take her sleeping pills. I know she has a prescription and never abuses it, but a part of me wonders if I’m going to wake up tomorrow with a dead friend. A part of me craves to help her, but another part knows that we’re not together now, she needs to solve her problems without me or I’m only going to increase any feelings of dependency. I’ve sent her best friend a message telling her to check up, but I don’t know if it went through.
I think that you did the right thing too and now you have to step back and let her deal with it. If you try to comfort her through this you’ll never fully break up and it isn’t going to get easier. I was a mandated reporter for years and I might be kind of cold about this but if she keeps threatening suicide, I would call 911 for a welfare check. If it’s just for attention she’ll get plenty but it won’t be from you, and if she’s serious then she needs that kind of help.
Hey guys, it wasn’t a manipulative thing. She’s had a rough couple of years. Apparently she’s had some pretty traumatic relationships in the past and was really looking forward to this one, and the breakup came as sort of a shock. Nonetheless, any doubts I may have had are cemented by this incident.
Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated. Resist the urge. The longer you date her, the worse it will be.
If it really went that way—if she killed herself with sleeping pills or some other way—you’d have to see that she was VERY messed up before she started seeing you. It would be tragic, but NOT your fault.
SHAKES, I understand where you’re coming from. But I’m young and with plenty of friends nearby, so maybe I’m just dumb. But there wasn’t a true emotional connection; it was almost entirely intellectual. For me, that’s not sustainable.
I’m saying again, it didn’t seem manipulative to me–I’m very good at picking up on that–more like she was thinking out loud. It looked exactly like a psychotic episode.
Even great people can go a bit nuts after a string of bad relationships, especially if they get their hopes up about someone “saving” them from their troubles. Life sucks that way. Hopefully she’ll be able to reach a happy and stable place once she’s had some time and distance. Best of luck to you both.
Did you hear anything from mutual friends that suggests whether she’s making it through okay?
Yep. If you really think she might be serious about committing suicide, then you should alert the authorities. You definitely don’t need to try to handle a suicidal person’s issues yourself.
I do have to agree with the observation that somethings friendship IS a pretty darn good foundation for a relationship though. If you can find that kind of good connection with a woman who isn’t prone to becoming emotionally unstable over a month-long relationship, you might really have hit the jackpot!
My thoughts exactly. Ending up a relationship that’s only lasted a month barely qualifies as a break-up. Unless you’re not mentioning something major like she’s pregnant or she caught you in bed with her sister, this does not merit this amount of drama.