How do I help my Girlfriend with her depression

My girlfriend has depression, and she has had said numerous times that we should split up in her low points, and it’s very hard for me to listen sometimes to her wishing to die and just not wanting to do anything, it’s the first time I’ve really encountered anything like this and it’s been overwhelming for me if I am honest (I love her and I’m not going to split from her or anything)

She was depressed on Wednesday and kept repeating whilst crying ‘everything is lost, everything is lost’

I just need some help or pointers on how to cope with this, and how to help my girlfriend out. My girlfriend has a fear that if anyone saw her like that, she’d lose her pride which is understandable, but I’m not going to judge her on something that is out of her control in such a manner.

I’m sure others will be here shortly with way more words of wisdom than I have to offer. But remember this: You cannot save somebody. You can be there for them, and support them when they decide they want to save themselves, but you can’t make her get better without her wanting to get better.

You aren’t a licensed therapist. And even if you were, you’re too involved to provide counseling without a violation of professional ethics. If she’s unwilling to seek counseling, then it’s up to you to decide whether or not this is a dealbreaker. But either way, don’t try to counsel her. You’re not qualified.

“I love you and I wish you’d seek help. At least talk to your doctor. There’s nothing shameful about it.” But yeah, what the others said. She has to want to get help.

She already sees a counselor, and he said to her that the depression might be due to the fact she is not ready for a close relationship. Doesn’t sound good :frowning:

Wow. Umm, it might also be due to a chemical imbalance in her brain. I am sorry you’re going through this.

I’m sorry this is happening for both of you. :frowning:

There is an online support group called Patients Like Me. It covers a variety of illnesses including depression. They would allow your girlfriend to track her moods, her medications, and socialize with people who are in the same boat as she is.

I am on there as well, same user name. :slight_smile:

Good luck to you guys!

Sorry for the bad situation, Ryan_Liam.
But, to get down to it, she has given you two clear signals that you should be gone. She didn’t say ‘his opinion that she is not ready for a close relationship’, but, rather, ‘the fact’.
And, she didn’t keep that a secret from you.

Depression is a horrible burden, and it is a twilight world, at best. But, I’m wondering if a relationship with her, at all, is good for either one of you. In other words, if her depression lifted, maybe you two should be broken up.

At any rate, if it is only the depression speaking, just don’t try any amateur psychology. Ask her if she needs you there or gone, what you can do, etc… and don’t be afraid to talk to her about it, which it seems that you’re already doing.

Best wishes.

Get moving.

How active is she? If she’s not very active (and this is my guess?), than talk to her and see if she’s willing to go for a short daily walk with you. Ask her to commit to this. And you, be there for this, be there for her and for you.

You don’t have to talk during. Let her decide if you will converse or not. Start with 10mins daily, for a few weeks, maybe a couple of months, and then build up on it. Longer walks, more walks per day, and then later more exerting activities - bike rides, some light jogging, maybe tennis or other sport you both enjoy. Something. Anything!

Get the endorphins flowing. This doesn’t require you to provide any counseling for her. Just get her active and going. It can only help. I doubt it will hurt (of course, do not over-exert or overly strain yourselves).

That doesn’t sound like anything any counselor I’ve ever heard of would say in real life. That sounds like stuff TV show counselors say because they’re in love with their patients and jealous. Consider the possibility that she may just want out.

I doubt someone said this to her. It may be what she heard - or took away from it.

How long has she had it? Some depression resolves itself on its own.

Walking is a good idea. Try getting her out of the house (without guilting her into it) to do things - even for a short while. Try to find something she likes doing and doing it. Maybe just take her to the pet store, something. I find just grocery shopping sometimes helps.

Has she seen a doctor? Some people are afraid to - and think they are going to be forced to take drugs, but sometimes (I think usually not, but sometimes) there is a medical explanation like low thyroid.

Does the therapy help her? Some people respond well. Some don’t.

Basically, what a lot of other people have said in this thread is on the money:

  1. You can’t change her. You can’t even force her to do things that are good for her. You can just tell her that you love her and want her to do things that are good for her: see her doc, get some exercise, and generally take care of herself.

  2. Be open to leaving her alone for a while, if that’s what she says would be best for her. I think it’s unlikely that your girlfriend’s therapist really said that your girlfriend’s not ready for a serious relationship, even though that may be what your girlfriend heard.

That is what I thought as well. That therapist sounds like he is full of it.

A customer walked in and I clicked “submit” rather than saving it for later even though I hadn’t gotten to all of what I wanted to share.

The thought behind my earlier post in the thread was that didn’t sound like anything a professional therapist would say. I also know that when I’ve seen therapists I didn’t usually take notes and often wished I had. Your girlfriend may have heard something that turned into “you’re not ready for a relationship” in her head.

Loyalty is an admirable quality. There’s a reason though that “loyal to a fault” is a common expression. The thing I want you to believe more than anything else I say is that caring for yourself isn’t selfish.

I don’t know the history of your relationship, but if you’re spending a lot of time thinking about how great things will be between you in the future when she starts managing her depression, and she doesn’t seem willing to manage her depression you should probably consider ending the relationship. I do not take ending a relationship lightly, either.

I do think the suggestion of exercise is a good one. I always feel better when I am in a pattern of doing some physical activity each day, and when I’m depressed staying motivated seems so much harder.

The way she is talking , is very concerning…sounds serious and the comment she made that everything is lost soiunds despairing. Posible suicidal thoughts? This rises to more than just seeing a counselor, she should be evaluated by a psychiatrist and if you hear he lamenting that way, perhaps see if you can get her to the hospital. Of course if she makes a suicidal threat dont wait call 911

“I love you and I’m here for you if you need me.” Depression does weird things to your brain, including making you believe that your loved ones don’t love you. You should remind her as often as you can that you do love and care about her.

She’s either going to deal with this on her own or not. You should hope for the best, but have a plan in case she doesn’t handle it so well. A relationship can only work if both parties help each other out. If one party is too depressed to make things work, then it’s no longer a healthy relationship.

She does alot of physical activity and has a routine she sticks too religiously, she has a lot of animals and that takes her time, she doesn’t sit in front of a tv all day.

It got so bad at one point, I promptly walked out of bed and sat in the kitchen, because she said she wanted to die, I was tired of her negative attitude, and to be frank, scared.

Over the time I was able to compartmentalize the attitude she was having from her feelings towards me and that helped.

The cliche thing now is having read this advice, she is starting to get better, she even admitted to having depression to her circle of friends, and I think the recovery process has begun, my situation is that I’m planning on moving in with her, is that such a good idea?

Just be there for her. You don’t have to be her therapist, or try to save her. Just a shoulder to cry on – literally and figuratively. Just let her know that SOMEONE cares about her.

When I was first diagnosed with depression, my best friend bailed out on me. She was still friends with me, but she wasn’t really all that supportive. I just wanted to know someone had my back, and that hurt. She didn’t really seem to think it was a big deal.

Ryan Liam,

Right now, it seems like your thoughts are more focused on what you should do with the relationship, however from what you wrote about her it sounds like a dire situation as you said on several occasions she’s made comments about everything is lost and another time you wrote she was talking about wanting to die! The thing you should be concerned about is getting her immediate medical intervention, even at a hospital…talks of wanting to die is serious, so for right now don’t worry about what your next relationship move should be…that’s not a priority right now, her health and safety is.

I strongly recommend the following program:

You can easily get your money back later, no questions asked (that’s what I did :slight_smile: ) Anyway check out the site - it talks about some of its key concepts such as overdreaming, rumination, and not getting enough of your basic needs met. It comes with 17 audio files and last night my wife started listening to the audio (“relaxed reviews” with a bit of hypnosis).