That analogy is so fucking bullshit and offensive. There is no “test”. There is nothing you are doing “wrong”, or “right”. There is no possible feedback to give. There is no “passing”.
Either a particular woman likes you, or she doesn’t. That is up to her. Individually. Her choice. If she doesn’t there is nothing you can do. She dated the other guy because she liked him. She doesn’t like you. End of story. Nothing you can do.
That whole analogy makes my skin crawl. How fucking creepy can you get?
I made no claims that the analogy was factually correct, simply that this it what it feels like from inside - like you would feel if you had to try to learn maths based on what seemed like random guesswork, and the only clues you got were “Yes, you pass/No, you fail”.
But since it’s so fucking creepy, feel free to put me on ignore.
…Plus, of course, people who do not “get” mathematics are not usually met with shrieking hostility when they try to explain what trying to learn mathematics was like for them. :dubious:
And are so consumed with the topic that I’ve now seen you post it in three separate threads, two of which are completely unrelated to the topic of homosexuality. I’ll leave this here to let it speak for itself.
One time my stepmother’s daughters were supposed to take her on a day trip with them - lunch, shopping, that sort of thing. They cancelled at the last minute because “There’s no room in the car.”
[QUOTE=is homophobia associated with homosexual arousal?]
The authors investigated the role of homosexual arousal in exclusively heterosexual men who admitted negative affect toward homosexual individuals. Participants consisted of a group of homophobic men (n = 35) and a group of nonhomophobic men (n = 29); they were assigned to groups on the basis of their scores on the Index of Homophobia (W. W. Hudson & W. A. Ricketts, 1980). The men were exposed to sexually explicit erotic stimuli consisting of heterosexual, male homosexual, and lesbian videotapes, and changes in penile circumference were monitored. They also completed an Aggression Questionnaire (A. H. Buss & M. Perry, 1992). Both groups exhibited increases in penile circumference to the heterosexual and female homosexual videos. Only the homophobic men showed an increase in penile erection to male homosexual stimuli. The groups did not differ in aggression. Homophobia is apparently associated with homosexual arousal that the homophobic individual is either unaware of or denies.
[/QUOTE]
I put this in the same category as 'can you help/do/spend time doing whatever on a particular day/time".
If you don’t want to do it - saying so provokes an argument.
If you really do have a prior committment and you say what that committment is, then the person will try to ‘help’ you reaarange your schedule to fit in their {more important} task and/or say you should do theirs instead…provoking more arguments.
Saying you may have another task and will check gets you the hell off the phone/ends the conversation quicker and most normal people understand if you don’t get back the answer is no.
Which to me, flies in the face of taking personal responsibility. I had a boss who always advised me to never admit to a screwup. That forced me to lie to the client, which I was terribly uncomfortable with. Finally, I just said, “You know what? I think the world would be a better place if people owned up to their mistakes and then proposed the action steps they’ll take to fix it. So that’s what I’m going to say to the client, ‘Yes, we screwed up and here’s what we’re going to do to make it better.’” She had to get over herself. I wasn’t going to compromise my personal integrity so some faceless, heartless corporation doesn’t “look bad.” Hrmph.
The problem might be internal or external. That is, sometimes you have a boss who likes to impose unrealistic deadlines, so you go with functional rather than pretty.