“My kid is sick”
As in the last minute, “Sorry I can’t make it to <event> tonight, my kid is sick.” What they really mean is they are too tired or just don’t feel like going out, but don’t want to say that.
The fact of using the word “excuse” suggests that someone is trying to dodge responsibility, or feels guilty for their own choices. There actually are some valid explanations of things that can happen that are completely beyond your control. But people that are too eager to volunteer an excuse are suspect. I can think of two situations where excuses are given:
- You don’t want to do something that someone else wants you to do. In that case no excuse is needed. You get to choose what you want to do and who you want to be with–you don’t owe people excuses for your choices. An excuse doesn’t make it any more polite.
“Why don’t you come to happy hour with us tonight?”
“Thanks but I can’t make it.”
Why would someone feel compelled to make up an excuse? Even if the excuse is true, why do you feel you have to justify it? Well, maybe you really, really want to go to happy hour but after 10 hours indoors your dog needs to be walked and you don’t have anyone else to help out. You don’t want your friends to think you are rejecting them. Well, in that case, it’s not an “excuse,” it’s a real reason.
I understand that some people might want to soften the blow of a failed romantic overture. Once I kept calling a woman for a second date and after two turn-downs I gave up. Thankfully she didn’t say, “I just don’t like you enough.” But neither did she say, “I have to wash my hair, I have to visit my sick grandmother…” She just said something like, “I’m not available.” No excuse, just a vague rejection. If she had been giving excuses it would have taken longer for me to figure out that she just wasn’t interested. It may not seem like it at the moment but it’s kinder to get it over with quick and let everyone move on.
- You didn’t do something that you were responsible for, like being late with a work assignment. Giving an excuse means, “I didn’t do it but it’s not my fault.” It was still your responsibility. Let’s take “Blackboard was down” from upthread. That really means, “I failed to plan, waited until the last minute, and Blackboard was down the last 5 minutes before the assignment was due.” Or at work, someone will tell me, “I was waiting for input from Rakeesh.” Well, don’t blame it on Rakeesh. If you were waiting for something from him then go bug him for it, or as a last resort escalate to me. Last month I had a manager who had an assignment due for a proposal, and I asked him for it on the due date. He had done absolutely zero work on it because he had been “really busy.” But he didn’t ask anyone to help him (even though he was a manager with his own staff), didn’t tell me he was having problems getting to it, didn’t do anything at all, and then whined about how many hours he worked that week. But all he did was give me an excuse. Yes he was really busy, so he wasn’t lying, but it was still BS because it was an excuse.
A good result is always better than a good excuse.
I’ve been the bullshitter before. When I was 19 and in an unhealthy relationship a new friend would call me every weekend to invite me to the bar. I’d say to my then-boyfriend “Mary invited me to go out tonight” and he’d bitch and moan (but he went out whenever he wanted, of course) and I’d be all “Umm…sorry Mary I can’t afford to go out…” Thankfully she knew I was full of shit (and why) and when I finally left that guy she & I became good friends.