OK, this is my first pit thread, so please be merciful. By the way, in case you’re wondering, I do realize that this might qualify as the dorkiest pit thread of all time.
I watch “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” and have for the last five years. I watch it because I think that it’s one of the best written, directed, and acted shows on television, because it never ceases to amuse me, move me, or make me think, and because I have a recurring fantasy about being stranded on an island with Sarah Michelle Gellar and five hundred canisters of RediWhip.
Last night was the season premiere of the show, and it might have been the best two hours of television I’ve ever seen. It had laugh-out-loud lines, skillful and surprising character development, and several moments that were truly horrific - terrifying, gave me actual nightmares - I love it.
So this morning (don’t worry, the rant is coming, I promise), I head to the various message boards related to the show, hoping to discuss the show intelligently. Ha. As usual, the crowd of perpetual critics dominates the floor. These creatively-impaired idiots are never, never, never happy with anything that doesn’t come from the first two seasons of the show. They bitch about a lack of meaningful interaction between two particular characters; last night’s show was filled with such interaction, so they bitch that the scenes were too long. They bitch about one character’s obsession with sex, and then bitch when that character talks about other things. They have the nerve to bitch about the quality of the writing, which is absolutely absurd. Above all, they seem insistent that, in order to earn their respect, the show should stay in a state of temporal stasis, in which every character behaves exactly as they did about midway through season two, in which no one ever leaves, dies, or joins the group. They do not wish the show to evolve, to mirror real life; they are pissed because they don’t get to determine the course of events. And when they complain, they toss off the same tired lines, hopping all over one another to repeat the same criticisms and make themselves sound oh, so intelligent and sophisticated.
OK, listen up, you imagination-deficient, sweaty-soap-opera-fanfic-writing, big-word-misusing, whining-for-thoughtful-discussion-mistaking, amateur critics: you are not fit to clean the gunk out of the word processor of Joss Whedon, David Fury, Marti Noxon, or any of the other writers on the staff of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” The things you have to say are not original, not clever, and not even accurate. The essence of dramatic art is the evolution of characters, and you sound ridiculous when all you can do is complain that “I miss the ‘old’ so-and-so,” as if real people never change. Above all, if you don’t like the show any more, if it’s themes have evolved beyond high school and therefore beyond your comprehension, then STOP WATCHING. PLEASE! Stop sitting in your parents basement, feverishly watching every second of every episode for some tiny flaw that you can magnify the next morning as your “intelligent” contribution to the discussion. JUST STOP. No, don’t threaten to stop. STOP. Go watch “Friends.” I am tired of hearing the same voices warning that "if things don’t change (ie, go back to the way they were), I’ll stop watching). JUST STOP.
And leave the discussion of the show to the people who actually understand concepts like “character arc,” “plot development,” and “good writing.”
- Frank
