My office is full of bugs and they are crawling on me, and up my nose
I opted to work tonight instead of during the day because my office (house) is just too dreadfully hot during the day. So I take my cold shower, flip on the whole-house fan and sit down to work.
Earlier today I’d decided to experiment with air flow some more and open the left-hand side of the window instead of the right side which has been open all season. I sit beneath the left-hand side so this makes some sense to me.
Slowly, little bugs of all shapes and colors start buzzing past my computer screen. And on my wall. On my shoulder. Up my nose!!! What the fuck?!
I think maybe the whole house fan is pulling the little things through the screen so I inspect the screen. Nope, the mesh is way too small for bugs. Besides, wouldn’t it have been sucking the bugs through all season in all the rest of the house?
Upon further inspection i see a hole at the very bottom that looks like it’s been made with a pencil tip. Quite the obscure hole for bugs to come through, but I go to get some duct tape to patch it up. When I press the duct tape on the hole, I notice…a six-inch slit across the bottom of the screen!!
So I was sitting here for an hour sucking gnats into my window. Now they’re all trapped in here with me. So much for a nice peaceful night of work
I swear, this house was previously owned by a family of baboons. I keep finding little weird shit wrong with it that I haven’t noticed in the past 10 months, and neither did the realtor or the home inspector
That’s all. I just needed to tell someone about the bugs up my nose.
Once a year, for the last couple years, for one night only, I’ve had a leafhopper invasion in my bedroom. This sounds extremely weird but is true.
You know, these little guys. Sometimes they’re green. Last year I got the greenies, this year it was the brown.
Anyway, one night last year I was about to get into bed when I noticed little green flecks on the bedspread. A lot of them. I went to brush them away, and pop! pop! They started hopping around. Leafhoppers. Everywhere! I couldn’t catch or shoo them away. For some reason they really, really liked the bedspread. I don’t even know how they got in. I have a window air conditioner, but any cracks around it are sealed well, and no other bugs got in. I ended up having to just go to sleep, while the hoppers came and sat on me. At least they’re harmless. The next morning, they were all gone. It was so weird. The same thing happened last week, except there were less this time.
You think they’re harmless. But they didn’t just disappear into thin air you know. Of course, they won’t show up again until the eggs hatch… AND THE WHOLE COLONY CRAWLS OUT OF YOUR EARS.
It’s Gnat AFB lately chez Doug. They like coffee puddles, computer screens, people, soap…they’re pretty much happy anywhere. Occasionally we bring in a fruit fly or so. Whapped a centipede in my bed last month.
But outside, burrowed in the lawns, are the BIG ASS WASPS. Mostly harmless.
Unless you are a cicada, and then, my friend, you shall DIEEEE!!1
Our house was full of these little fruit-fly gnatty things. They like to congregate where there was water. At a suggestion from a friend, we put out a small glass with about a half-inch of wine it. They spent the night drowning themselves in it.
I always thought that I held the prize for “being invaded by disrespectful creepycrawlies” with my story about the spider building a web on my glasses, but bugs up the nose might displace me…
