You know what I’m talking about, motels where adults go just to get nookie. Mirrors on the ceilings, XXX channels on the tv. Rented in 4 hour increments.
This is what my room would look like:
The door looks like one of those giant Easter Island heads. You enter into a large open space entirely made of “rock”. There is a constant drizzle and the bed looks like an alter where you would sacrifice virgins. The only bed coverings are animal prints.
There’s a bear rug on the floor by the fire pit, a black bottomed jacuzzi encircled with rocks in the corner and the shower is a waterfall running down a wall. There’s no sink, but the toilet is over there behind that outcropping.
Years ago, I read about a place near Big Bear that had a room set up in the following fashion:
The room was set to look like a forest. It was basically an entire cabin. In the midst of it, there was a large tree. The sleeping area was in the tree. In the room, there was a stream flowing, and lights hung up to look like fireflies blinking on and off. The bed was a hammock, suspended over free air.
Ooh, ooh, can I do the attached restaurant? I’ve always wanted to do this! (So much so that I must’ve posted it in at least one thread before, but let’s ignore that.)
Okay, this restaurant will be, of course, adult themed and preferably located in the state of Nevada, outside of Las Vegas city limits (a good place to have a love motel as well, right?). It will be a happy combination of restaurant, bar, and whorehouse.
The menu for the restaurant will contain “themed” items such as tube steak, fish tacos, bearded clams, etc. (hey, no worse than All Star Cafe’s “Wayne’s cracked ribs,” IMHO).
The bar and whorehouse will go more hand in hand. You see, if you order a “sex” drink (i.e., blowjob, slow screw against the wall, sex on the beach, etc.) then, well, that’s the sex act you receive. The only difference between this bar and others will be the virgin drinks. These, well, they’ll be more expensive.
So, am I hired? And exactly how much investment capital am I getting? Keep in mind that investing means that you’ll be on the employment committee…
Just pick any rooms from the Madonna Inn… the funniest part of SLODope was when the neigbors in the “caveman room” complained about the noise from our room! (The Pick and Shovel Room, if you’re curious.)
There’s nothing sexier than doing the deed during a thunderstorm. So my room would have one big cushy bed on the ground with a thunderstorm soundtrack, lighting that resembled a lightning strike, and a misting machine. And maybe even a rumble mattress.
ooh ooh!! how bout the back of your dad’s car!!! yeah yeah!
It would be a small room, cramped, and a small back seat, where you’d have to unfold to get out.
Well ONE of my rooms would be and EXACT replica of the bridge from the starship Enterprise. (TOS thank you very much) This comes with both a captains and yoemans costume.
Of course another would be an EXACT replica of my MOM [sub]and dad’s[/sub] room from when I was growing up.
Finally we need a school room because education is important. Of course the ‘teacher’ has a drawer full of the oddest contraband she has taken over the school year.
Yeah, Sue! and a gear shift in the middle! and permanantly fogged windows. maybe 7*up could be a sponsor and have Orlando Jones (or lookalike) come around and knock on the foggy windows.
But as a requirement, you could only leave with your shirt inside out or backwards.
