"Bully List" at High School

Media story. https://vancouversun.com/news/local-news/three-eric-hamber-grade-12-students-suspended-over-online-list/amp

There is also a reddit thread in r /vancouver, plus many more articles if you Google “Hamber List”

This list was created as a Google Doc then airdropped around the school.
I mean first of all it is horrible this is happening. It is even worse that my son in Grade 9 has made the list… although so far down it is probably as a “Let’s reach 100” name filler. He also identifies as straight although that is actually beside the point. He has not seen the list.

I’m more scared for his safety than he is. He has been raised in my pro social justice, ally to all household. His step brother who lives on the other side of the country is transgender. I grew up in the 1980s and saw violence against anyone different.

The school is taking action, but my son found out second hand that he is on the list. I feel that some how students on the list and their families should have been notified. I know there are good and bad everywhere, but I am more afriad of the lone wolf whi decides
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Argh. Posted too soon from my phone and can’t( or don’t know how to) edit.

So Im afraid some lone wolf kid will see this as a " taeget list" for homophobic violence. My son does not want to respond to “allegations on a list he hasn’t seen” and I applaud his maturity. But I’m scared, I need to talk about it semi-anonymously, ans i’d likento hear what Dopers have to say.

P.S. We are in Canada, Vancouver BC.

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Like the bible says: We will always have assholes among us.

So the article is in error when it says 100 names of Grade 12 students were published – since your son is in Grade 9 and was on it? If only those in Grade 12 were listed, that could be at least 25-30% of the class being painted which would seem over the top.

The school is about 1700 students… I do not know the breakdown of students/grade but 5 grades means roughly 350 students / grade.
Not all are Grade 12. Most but not all. And some are claiming the 3 letter f word was meant more as jerks/loosers than “homosexuals”.

My son was low enough on the list that it seems like it was an added name to round out a list of 100. Apparently there were also people listed with discriptions like “fat girl who sits in the senior hallway” on the list.

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Yes indeed we will. I’m just worried these assholes may have created safety issues for my son. Who isn’t 17 or 18 but just barely 15, 5ft 8 and 105 lbs. And trusting and caring and has an open heart and for all his intelligence and is a bit naive.

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I keep coming back to this thread and getting disgusted as I read the OP and the article. This is definitely an offense that could result in violence and great harm. I hope that the law in Canadia allows the parents of those kids on the list to sue, and I mean sue the parents of those assholes for their actions. Having to pay off 100 times might get them to rethink how they raised such monsters in the first place.

Sorry, maybe out of proportion rant but I get sick of hearing about shit like this.

It’s probably a good sign your son is less worried than you are. Hopefully it means he wasn’t added based on any interaction a nefarious older student had with him and maybe he got picked out based on a photo. If he is on social media or an internet presence where he might be identified, you’ll want to put the kibosh on that for the time being.

I know you’re really worried, but I’m not sure what you’re asking of us. How much danger your son is in? No one can know. Maybe you could get together a group of parents whose kids are on the list? It looks like the school has a Facebook page so that shouldn’t be too hard. You’re probably doing this already, but find out what the school plans going forward. It sounds like they need to talk about bullying every single day and make sure kids know the specific punishment they’ll receive if caught bullying.

I really don’t know what to say! But I’m sorry you have to worry about this. It may not be a bad thing that your kid isn’t. He sounds like a good guy, btw. :slight_smile:

I guess a) what is appropriate to ask. Should the school have notified me/my son? b) I’m venting because I need to deal with my own panic.

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Thanks. I’m glad someone else is feeling this. Personally I feel like if these kids make their year they should be banned from all school sponsored grad activities. No prom and no recieving diploma in a ceremony.

There is a rumour that another perpetrator is at large. I would love the school to suspend all grade 12 events unless that one comes forward.

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We’re not a litigious society here in Canada. Suing would be superfluous.

But hey OP, you guys are handling it well. I thought society, well especially young people, were beyond this nonsense by now.

Take care.

Why would you expect violence? Presumably, there are kids who are openly gay at this school. Have they been victim of violence so far? Why would being on a list change anything?

I see how it could be a disciplinary issue in a school, but on what basis would you sue someone basically simply for saying that you’re gay?

And the assumption that parents are necessarily morally at fault for the behavior of their almost adult children (they might be legally responsible, but that’s a different issue) , and that’s it’s necessarily the result of a flawed education is unwarranted. I think that parents of children who don’t run into troubles should more often thank their lucky star and less often pat themselves on the back for being such excellent parents. Plenty of perfectly fine people who did the best they could have troubled children. Some perfectly fine people even raised serial killers, in fact.

Finally, the kids who made the list aren’t “monsters”, they’re kids. Getting involved in stupid shit and making stupid decisions is typical of teenagers. “Monster” should be reserved for something a bit more grievous than preparing a “gay list”.

So–to sum it up, a small number of high school kids made a private list of names or “social media handles” that they didn’t like, someone else found it by snooping on one of their phones and spread it around, and now it is a “bully list”, possibly causing violence. And the futures of those few students who made a private list of people that they don’t like should be destroyed.
No, not seeing any hyperbolic reactions there.

I’m sorry this is happening and appreciate it’s stressful, but is it ever just to punish the many for the sins of one person?

Where it’s not even known if that one person has done anything wrong?

What message would that send to your son?

That was my thought. My daughter is in 10th grade at a school in West Virginia, not exactly the most progressive state on this issue. But she tells me that kids that are gay are open and discuss it all the time and nobody her age even gives it a second thought.

It is not at all like when I was in high school twenty five years ago.

So, not to diminish the fear of the OP, but I simply do not understand it. So there is a list and on it is Timmy Smith, 12th Grade, Ms. Robinson’s English class and he is (cue scary music) GAY!

Don’t the other students know about this already? Who gives a shit?

We had stuff similar to this happen when I was in school. There were slut lists, drug party attendees and creep lists, you name it. The difference was they were actually written in notebooks and passed around, all on the DL. I saw a few. People would get the notebook and write in their thoughts and musings on named persons. It all so stupid and chidish. I had older sibs who looked after me so I never worried about them.
These days with social media in every kids hands things escalate so quickly. OP, I would be at the school tomarrow and ask just what the admin.was planning to do. I wouldn’t leave my child’s safety in the hands of any school who would not at least listen to my concerns. You can’t combat what you don’t know for sure. You don’t have all the facts. Go there and get them, soon. Then you can gather the tools you need to keep your son safe. You’re the momma-bear, growl loudly.

Tell me you would be so serene if it was your child so named. Homophobia and violence against the LGBTQ community is still very much a possibility. If you don’t think its a problem then congratulations, it isn’t a problem for you. But not everyone is so fortunate.

Yes, times have changed in the 30 plus years since I was in high school, and yes some kids are openly gay but there are kids on that list that may be closeted for a variety of reasons. Maybe their parents will react badly. The school has kids from a variety of cultures, some that do promote “honour killing” if someone “disgraces” the family for promiscuity, homosexuality, dating outside the culture and other reasons.
A large percentage of the kids are amazing accepting kids. The Gay- Straight Alliance hung the hallways with pride flags and positive messages. But harm was done. And it lives forever on the internet somewhere.

I don’t want to sue the parents. But I want apologies to be made.
Individually. I want those kids to look each and everyone affected by the list in the eyes and say they are sorry.

Also, some people on the list do not have last names or full names included. Some kids have very common names, particularly in the Chinese and the South Asian i.e Punjabi community when many people have the last names Kaur or Singh. Some have fairly unusual first names only on the list. If the list said only Darren and there were 3 Darrens in the whole school and Darren was on the list how comfortable would you feel?

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Yes, exactly–this is the profoundly mundane type of “behind their backs” (cough, cough) jerkish gossip that has existed forever. There has likely been something similar in every school dating back to when the list was pressed with a reed into a clay tablet.