"Bully List" at High School

You keep thinking that it is a list of the people that they think are homosexuals, but “gay” and “fag” are not necessarily interchangeable. And even if they were the same, I think people have the fundamental right to say jerkish things about other people in private conversations. (Again, they didn’t spread the list around, someone snagged it off of one of their phones and passed it around.) Like it or not, people have the right to not like your son.

Just because people making a list mean jerk or loser when they use a homosexual slur it doesn’t mean someone else will not take ir to mean gay.

Neither my son nor I care if people don’t like him. We do care that a list was curculated and labelled and now some people are harmed bu this list. My own kid doesn’t care if people think he’s gay. He is secure on himself.

I am afraid for him and other kids on the list. Maybe violence, maybe mocking, maybe consequences at home. You cannot possibly know what may happen ro people on that list.

Its awful to make a list of people they hate anyway. Kids do stupid things yeah yeah…it is still bullying But to label it with a term that often means “homosexual” adds a new dimension to this list.

Being called a F- - is very different than being called uncool.

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Of course your kid cares if people like him or not. He wouldn’t be a teen if he didn’t. I don’t think that’s what’s disturbing you about this. What are your real concerns? Safety? Keep him home a few days, til things calm down. The fact he has been lumped in with kids who are at risk because of their sexuality? Ask him pointed questions in an understanding and accepting way, and listen to his answers without judgement. Hard to do? Yes, but you kinda need to know. Are you angry because school is not letting you know if his name is on the list? Like you said, his name may not be distinguishable from many others with similar/like names. Maybe they don’t know it’s your son, call them and tell them you suspect your sons name is on the list. Go from there. You have to do the groundwork to get the result.

How stupid do you think people are? Two or three people make a list calling people gay and suddenly everyone (including their parents) is going to take the list for the gospel truth and break out the pitchforks and torches? Good thing those three teenagers didn’t make a list of people that they thought were Crab People–there would be a run on drawn butter and bibs!

Circulating a list of 100 f-gs is also a lot different than making a list of 5 or 10 f-gs in a school. In the context of the former it’s harder to take it seriously as an epithet targeting a specific type. It seems in general the kids understand this better than some parents.

Circulating gossip and rumors can eventually lead to a child killed or shunned by their family. That’s why it’s important to deal with risk in a rational data driven manner, collect facts and refrain from fueling hysteria.

Apparently, the list wasn’t circulating.

What if the rumor is false?

Do you see any problem with these two statements?


Some people here are being pretty cavalier, but bullying’s a serious issue. There were a hundred kids on that list. A hundred potential victims for bullies. It doesn’t matter what the list is about or if kids are gay or not. They’ve been singled out. Bullying is a serious problem with sometimes dire consequences for the bullied. The OP has every right to be upset and to want some kind of action on the school’s part.

There are a lot more related studies.

This - and I just thought of something I haven’t seen yet.

What if someone on the list had a sibling or parent who found out who made the list, and went after THEM in some very bad ways?

Except that was a private list between the three people who created it until a 4th person got one of the three’s phones, found the document, and passed it around. The list creators were not bullying. Demanding that private speech be policed and punished is both draconian and Orwellian.

Not even a little. It’s 2019, the bullies are the ones with the bullseye on their back. they’ve geocached their own stupidity.

Well, first, these are minor children, so their free speech rights are curtailed somewhat, but I agree with you and I am not sure if this is even speech; it is more of a private thought.

Your point is well taken though. What if a high school kid made a list entitled “Girls I Want to Bang Before Graduation” and kept it in his phone? I can’t imagine how anyone would think that is something to be disciplined by the school if he just kept it to himself. I mean, he can think it; why can’t he make a list?

Now, if he spread the list around school, I could see there being a punishment, but as you say, these three didn’t do anything like this. The fourth kid is the one who sent this list out to everyone.

And I still say that the prevailing attitude today in school is not at all like it was when I was in school. Sadly, back then, the kids on this list would have been targeted for bullying and probably some violence. Today? Kids today have grown up with gay as no different than hetero. Kids today look at intolerance towards gays like we looked at our grandparents bitching about blacks.

Hi. I haven’t meant to leave this thread. Work, life came calling and I had to step away a bit. But partly I was pretty inhoherent in my anxiety and yes there were inconsistancies in what I wanted… parents notification and yet peivacy for kids.

As for the its 2019 no one bullies LGBTQ kids…it is better than it was but don’t fool yourself. I personally know three people (age ranges 14-50) who were the target of violence in the last 4 years because of their orientation.

Ask the people in Orlando night club if violence agains homosexuas is a thing of the past.

Some kids did a stupid thing, yes, but it is not as consequence free as some might think.

I have talked to a few people at the schhol. I’m going to a parents meeting tomorrow.

Thanks for those who have shown concern and thank you for those who have tried to inject some rationality into my “all over the place” ramblings.

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Good, I’m so glad you’re attending the meeting. You’ll feel better, I predict.

I’ll point out again that for Kids Today, while “fag” isn’t a compliment, it does not necessarily have anything to do with accusations of homosexuality.

Fuck you. You know exactly what it means in North America.
Stop clutching at straws to defend your indefensible position.

I absolutely can’t believe people think bullying isn’t a problem in 2019. It is.

I think that my position that a private correspondence created as a goof by a couple-three bored jerks and then leaked by a third party does not merit banning them from prom and graduation and shutting down all school activities until everyone involved confeses is perfectly defensible. The fitting punishment for the guys is being embarrassed that their private crassness became public, not town meetings and media coverage. The only thing remotely suprising to me about a list like this existing is that it was 12th graders creating it instead of growing out of it in middle school.

And if you think my reference articles don’t reflect modern teen usage, feel free to disprove them.

Beyond a certain threshold, it can get abnormal and excessive. Like if two HS students were influenced by Encyclopedia Dramatica and they decided to create a private database where they monitored other students mostly online and compiled stories and tidbits for their own use in private mockery. You can’t do anything to stop that if they are discrete (as wise parents know). If they get caught, I don’t think they should be allowed to attend school there.

And if such a list had expressed ideation of violent acts, TPTB anywhere would intervene. Hopefully cool heads will prevail in this case in consistency with whatever conduct guidelines are expected.