Bums, Beggars, Vagrants... Am I just stupid? (kinda long)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

[sub]hey, look it’s my first thread ever…[/sub]

So I’m sitting in this dessert cafe with the Captain and a bunch of ROTC cadets this evening. We’ve just finished the first night of orientation for new cadets and we are hanging out and discussing how things are going. The Captain finishes discussing what she wanted to cover and heads home, and I figure the cadets don’t need to be bothered with an officer hanging around, so I head out by myself a few minutes later.

I walk out of the cafe and down the dark streets back to where my car is. There’s a guy coming up the sidewalk a ways, and I start to cross the street because I’m just anti-social and hate passing people while I’m walking. [sub] it’s weird, I know[/sub] But I haven’t gotten into the street before he calls out “Hey, sir.” I know he’s talking to me, I’m the only one around. I turn a bit, and he says, “Are you a Captain?” I’m not, but considering I’m the only guy in fatigues within miles, I know for certain he’s talking to me. So now I am stuck in a conversation.

And he starts his thing… Jobless and hungry, leaving Durham tomorrow to go back to Virginia cause he just can’t get work. Just wants to eat and wash his clothes. Can’t get a break. Just needs some money to eat. Doesn’t want beer or wine. It won’t do him any good. A loaf of bread. Some change in his pocket - He was actually a fairly nice guy.

And you know, he brought up a good point. He said something about how he knew I’d worked hard to get to where I am, but “had I really ever had to beg to get by?” I haven’t, by a long shot. My family isn’t rich like most people I went to school with, but after working hard for many years, my mom and dad make a good living. They always provided well for me, and I got a good education and an easy life. Sure, we all like to joke about military pay, but the fact of the matter is, as a single officer, I am making good money and have NO reason to complain. I’ve got loans and stuff, but after they are paid off, I won’t know what to do with my money. My life is pretty damn easy. It was just $10 bucks. Won’t miss it, you know?

Now, most of the time, I am pretty realistic. The guy probably just got done downing a 40 while shooting heroin, smoking crack and trying to abduct small children. And when I left, he probably used the $10 to help purchase a gun so he could hold up gas stations and steal dentures from old ladies. But there is a chance when he said he promised he would get food, he was being honest, right? You know, tonight while he sleeps in the rain in the woods behind Food Lion, couldn’t it be that he will think to himself, “At least I’m not hungry”…? Or am I just an absolute fool with an inability to say “no” to people? Is there a poster in Beggar HQ somewhere that says “this guy is dumb enough to give you money?” Is $10 worth the slight possibility one guy’s night is a little better? Did I just write way too much and waste everyone’s time?

I dunno.

2

No, I don’t think you were dumb. From your account, the guy you encountered sounds like he had all his marbles. Perhaps he really was just down on his luck; perhaps he really was trying to find a job. Or maybe he was a con artist. No way to know, short of hiring a pvt detective to investigate.

Apologies if this is too much of a hijack, but the bums, beggers, and vagrants that seem to me to be the biggest cause for concern are the ones who do not have all their marbles. The ones who are, to varying degrees, out of touch with reality. Also, those who are mentally retarded. In sort, those who are not capable of managing their own affairs. Those who cannot possibly get out of the situation they’re in on their own.

What is wrong with America that it has so many people like this roaming its streets and living in its transit systems? More importnant, what’s the solution?

3

I found myself in a similar situation recently.
I was approached by a man while I was eating at the mall food court. He gave me the regular schtick, homeless, jobless, hungry, etc…

Normally my bitter judgemental half kicks in and I walk away but as of late, I’ve been practicing compassion.
I proceeded to spend fifteen minutes talking to this man to try to understand his situation. In the end, I handed him a five, told him I would prefer it if he spent it on food, and walked away with the feeling that perhaps beyond the money, I had given him the feeling that someone cared enough to talk to him rather than just handing him cash or an insult.

4

To the donors:

Did you get taken? Probably.
Should that be a cause for embarrassment? Nope.

It is good to know that there are compassionate men in the world. It’s a couple of bucks out of your pocket and a big boost for your karma.

5

Such a sob story. I’ve heard it a million times. They’re all scams. They all just need $10 to get enough money for gas, or a bus ticket, or whatever, to get home. It is uncanny how similar their stories are. It is obviously a good pitch, since it is so widely used.

6

I had a discussion once with a co-worker about, “How do you get ‘un-homeless’?” I have a little one bedroom apartment. It’s not much, but it’s home: I have light, heat in the winter, food, enough money to take care of myself, and a door that locks. Gosh, I even have a phone, TV and computer. But I can’t imagine being homeless. I can’t imagine not being able to get a job, not having anyone in the world who could help me. I can’t imagine being in the position of having to ask, or beg, for money from strangers. I can’t imagine what I would do all day, where I would go, where I would sleep. And just think how you would start shutting down mentally.

Yeah, probably most homeless are either not well mentally or have had problems with drugs or alcohol, so it’s been a long trip from there to here, but we know that there are a lot of homeless people who just have had a lot of bad luck, and/or are not as good as the rest of us at taking care of themselves. The question remains: what do they do now? Assuming the person is mentally capable of holding down a job, who’s going to hire a smelly vagrant? We don’t have a lot of unskilled labor, pick-and-shovel type jobs anymore. And we don’t have the kind of Horatio Alger economy where you can work your way up from a couple of dimes or quarters a day. Most apartments require three months’ rent up front.

Anyway, I can’t tell anyone whether giving a quarter, or ten bucks, to someone with a sad story is a good idea or not. I have no idea. I know it’s important for people to know that somebody out there cares whether they succeed or fail, that it’s important to help those in need. But I know there are a lot of dishonest, creepy people out there, too.

7

Utah Phillips has a good philosophy on this: If they can give you a good story, give them some money. You’re just paying for entertainment; it doesn’t matter if it’s true or not.

I once met a homeless guy who made little totem poles out of rolled up colored 8.5" x 11" paper, rubber bands, velcro, glass stones, and plastic cowboys & indians. He told me that the cowboys and indians represented the guns and violence in the inner city, and some other stuff. He said he just tried to make people a little happier and do something constructive to make money. I gave him $5 for two totems. Did he run off and buy booze or drugs? It doesn’t matter, because it was such a great story.

8

Who knows? I directed a guy to a foodline a block away and he said he’d rather have the money to buy the food he wanted rather than what would be served to him. (I didn’t give him anything.)

There’s an old black guy who tools around in a wheelchair; one of his legs is missing. He is obviously mentally ill and I give him a dollar every time I see him, much to the consternation of the Starbucks folks who remove him from ‘their’ sidewalk every time he shows up. I don’t know if his amputation was from diabetes or from being shot - I don’t care. He’s old, he’s black, he’s seen it all.

My daughter worked in an attorney’s office a block from our courthouse. There are always a few young mothers around with babies begging for money for food. The people in her office set up a kitty where they donate money each time someone approaches them - they don’t give to the person but to the local Loaves and Fishes. They hand out a L&F flier that they made up for such circumstances. L&F is just a few blocks away.

Years ago when the mentally ill were put into institutions, they were cared for although they were virtually incarcerated. When it was decided that they should be released to half-way houses, local government did everything but provide the housing.

Reasons for homelessness? Drug and alcohol addiction, mental illness, poverty, lack of affordable housing, eroding work opportunities, decline in public assistance, lack of affordable health care, domestic violence, scammed -the list is endless.

I give if I believe the person or if the person tells me a good story. Sometimes I give just because I have a few extra dollars and don’t care what they use it for.

9

Yeah, I fell for that “My kid needs medicine” story once. About a year later, I was discussing scams with someone and he said, “And the ones who say My kid needs medicine…” I just had that wishing-for-a-trapdoor look. IANA social worker, but I think if you can get your kid a prescription, you can get it filled.

10

Many cities (not only big cities) have storefronts with signs reading (usually in spanish) “Day labor - be here at 6 am” or something like that. I don’t know whether these jobs pay minimum wage, but if not then its under the counter so you wouldn’t be paying taxes, so I bet it would come out about same.

Many rooms charge only 2 weeks rent ($70 - $100 per week) up front. If you’re used to living in the gutter I think you can handle sharing a kitchen.

You can still eat at the soup kitchen AND get groceries from the food bank while you’re working.

11

Several months ago, I spotted a guy in a store trying to get a check cashed. He said that his car had broken down and that he needed only another $25.[sup]00[/sup] to get the needed repairs. I gave him a ride back to the gas station he specified where he gave me all sorts of ID addresses and a hard luck story about being recently divorced (My wife was a great housekeeper, she kept the house…).

I loaned him the $25.[sup]00[/sup]. In short, I never heard from him again and the addresses were all worthless. It was largely my own fault for not double checking things. He never asked me to take him back to his car so we could try to get it running. It is probably one of the last times I will ever believe that sort of story without a full backup of the facts.

That said, just a few weeks ago, a friend and I were driving back from a nice breakfast of steak and eggs. Next to the roadway was a guy in a wheelchair. He didn’t have a sign and he didn’t have his hand out in any way. I could instantly tell that he was genuinely handicapped (he had a cane hanging over the back of the chair), but more importantly, I could tell that he was extremely uncomfortable with his position of having to beg.

He had the quiet but uneasy dignity of someone who is unaccustomed to having to ask for a handout. I dashed out of the car before the light turned green and handed him a five spot. From now on these are the only sort of people I will give money to.

Well almost, being a musician myself, I’ll always have a soft spot for buskers who play on street corners. Especially if they are playing particularly well or cranking out one of my favorite tunes. I just think of it as supporting the arts and leave it at that.

12

I understand your actions completly. My thoughts have been similar to yours. But you will probably find that this fellow did not leave for Virginia. It’s going to really irritate you in a week when he forgets who you are and gives you the same exact story again.

If I have time, I buy food for such folks directly. If not, I evaluate the safety of the situation and if that’s clear award orginality.

13

It is possible for normal, healthy people to end up homeless. It’s easier than you think and not everyone is out to scam you. And no, there’s no way to tell who is genuine and who is trying to scam you, but I’d rather give my money to the people who ask for it than turn them away. This is because if they’re scamming me, they’re hurting only themselves. I’m not going to miss the little money I give them and I am not responsibile for how they spend the money.

But once in a while, I may actually help someone who’s genuinely trying to get off the streets. Their story might not be true, but who cares? I can’t know their history, why they’re in the position they’re in. Maybe his father threw him out for being gay. Maybe her husband beat her. Being homeless is rarely a choice and sometimes people do just need someone to give them a break. We live in a cynical world and god knows I’m as much of a bitch as anyone, but it’s worth remembering that it’s still possible that the person who approaches you really does need your help and that you can do something about it right there and then. I’m not saying we should throw our money about, but if I can make a judgement call and I think I have a chance to directly affect someone’s life for the better, I’m going to take it when I can. Mostly it’s a scam, but sometimes it helps. I think those are acceptable odds. Rossarian - you did good by helping, regardless of the outcome.

Fran

14

My brother kicked me out of his apartment when he caught me using a computer after being told not to. Good thing I had been in contact with an organization that helps find affordable housing, my caseworker took me to a shelter. I stayed there for 7 months, waiting for something to come along. After a while, I was able to get some financial assistance. I could have gone begging with some of the others but I’m too proud for that. Because of my suicide attempt, I was finally able to get in to a group home for the mentally ill, run by the same housing organization that I had been in contact with for so long.

Because of my experience, I tend not to give money to people I see regularly. I was at the Metrobus terminal at the Pentagon recently when a well-dressed woman sat next to me. She struck up a conversation and said she had locked herself out of her car, IIRC she said she had lost her keys. She also said she had a flight to catch and all her stuff was in the car. She wanted cab fare home to Maryland to get her extra set of keys and would pay me back with 100% interest. If she was a con, she was a good one. She said she’s a real estate attorney and I told her that I worked for the Patent & Trademark Office. She then mentioned the names of a couple of patent law firms, one of which I recongnized as a routine customer. I tried giving her a few bucks to get her on her way but she wasn’t about to go for this. I ended up giving her nearly all the money I had at the time - $35 - with the prospect of receiving $70 later.

15

“What is wrong with America that it has so many people like this roaming its streets and living in its transit systems?”

—OK, what country DOESN’T have any poor, homeless people? Maybe the Scandanavian ones, with 99% income tax?

16

We have begging professionals in most big cities, every day in between lanes of traffic at long stoplights here in Miami. I was approached a few years back by a guy in Savannah who had a good story. He needed gas money to get back to a small town about an hour away in SC. Good thing I am from that small town. I asked him what roads he was going to take, which bridge, etc… and he got pissed. I would have given him $5 if he was legit. I have needed change to get on the DC Metro many years back (I was 17), and I got it from a stranger. There are guys in Key West who have signs like “I’m not going to lie, I need a beer”, and guys here in my neighborhood who ask for $0.85 for a beer, and I’ll give that. They’re being honest. And two of them have help my friend whose car died at the supermarket. They’re nice guys who will help when they can. The traffic light beggars don’t get my sympathy, though.

17

Here in Calgary you don’t encounter too many homeless people (there are some, of course), so I’m not really used to the schtick.

When I was touring the UK, I was in London for a few days. I was approached by a woman with a small child. She handed me a card saying that she was a Kosovian refugee, didn’t speak english and needed money to get food for her child. Well of course I handed her a 5 pound note and started to walk away. I swear to God, 5 women, with the exact same schtick appeared from nowhere (seriously, I certainly didn’t see them)surounded me and started demanding money - I took off in a big hurry and they were calling after me “Bitch! You gave her money, what about us. You fucking whore. You’re going to burn in hell, etc. etc.”

That was certianly the worst part of my trip.

Regarding the OP, I don’t think you were stupid. When I’m approached in Calgary (which is VERY rare) I always give the person some money - and directions to the Mustard Seed - its a shelter where one of my friends volunteers.

I have so much, and I’ve been so lucky in my life that I think parting with $5 or $10 is the least I can do - even if it just restores a persons faith in humanity for a day or two.

Al.

18

Maybe I’m cold-hearted, but I don’t give money. Ever. I do not want to potentially help someone buy drugs, booze or a weapon. I will offer to buy them a sandwich and a drink, figuring that food in their stomach will do them good and I won’t have to worry about my money being used for unproductive activity. Same thing with clothing. If it’s really cold out, I’ll offer to buy the person a hat or a pair of gloves. If they refuse and ask for money, I tell them I can’t do that and I go on my way.

19

Here in Jackson, I’ve learned not to trust anyone begging. Most of my life, I’ve had less money than them, so I was less than polite. Now, I’ve lived around this area so long I recognise most of the usuals. I ignore them, or tell them to get away, I heard the story last time.

I was talking about this once with a guy in the laudromat, and his story was funny. He met the guy around here working the “I need a bus ticket so I can get home.” shtick. So he took him to the Greyhound terminal, and told the cashier to give him a one way ticket, but NON-refundable. “Bum” suddenly turns vicious, and curses everyone out and stomps out. Guess some people just can’t go home, eh? :slight_smile:

20

One of the things I am most amazed by in Seattle (where I just moved) is the number of people begging on the streets. They range from people who look like they’ve hit an unexpected bump in life to mentally ill people to people who apparently consider panhandling a job to obnoxious (multi-pierced) teenagers hitting people up for cash.

I don’t give any of 'em money. I know that Seattle has very good social services for the homeless and the mentally ill. But I don’t even tell them about those services anymore, because my experience is that they either know and don’t care or they don’t want to know. “Do you know you can get a hot meal at . . . ?” “Yeah, but I’m too proud to go there.” WTF? You’re too proud to go to a shelter but not too proud to beg on the streets? IMO, that’s some seriously misplaced pride.

One of the homeless advocacy groups here puts out a newspaper, written and produced by former homeless people. I buy that paper every week. And I give what I can to organizations I believe in, but I don’t give money to individuals. And I knew I was right to refuse after I was asked for money by a guy who “needed to buy diapers for his kid.” Shoot, I said, walk with me down the the drug store, I’ll buy the kid some diapers. But, no; he didn’t want to do that, because of course he didn’t need diapers, he wanted money.