The Goal: List as many business ideas you can think of that would be certain to fail. Think of a name and a short description or catchphrase!
Skydiving with Dolphins - When swimming with dolphins has lost its excitement.
The Money Incinerators - We’ll burn your money when you’ve got money to burn.
Cold Cuts Jewelry - Sliced turkey necklaces, ham earrings, and pendants made of steak.
Sniff Our Poop - Stop and smell the feces at Sniff Our Poop, today!
Play It Again Tampons- reduce, reuse, recycle!
Beatings 'R Us- “I wanna be a well-behaved kid!”
Colic Memories, Inc. Let us record your newborn infant’s incessant screams for you to enjoy for years to come!
Alice these were incredible 
Escargoghurt- Combining two of the most popular foods in the world: Escargot and Yoghurt!
DIY is very popular with men. We like to create the things we use, even with comestibles. For example, I love beer. I like drinking it, and I also like brewing it. I am not alone in this, as home brewing kits sell quite well. There are many businesses that trade in mail order brewing supplies such as yeast, malt, hops and everything men need to make your own tasty refreshment after a long day of work. Their is a certain pride in quaffing a delicious potable that you made yourself as the sun goes down. But what about the start of the day?
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you… DIY bacon.
For a small monthly fee, we will mail order dead pigs to our customers. Our clients will take satisfying pride in knowing that they made their own delicious breakfast. We will call the company Eat Me! and we will license the image of Miss Piggy from the Jim Henson Company for use in a series of advertisements with a sexual theme.
On the DIY angle, I’ve always been fond of the DIY Home Vasectomy Kit. A razor blade, some thread, and a fifth of jack.
The Kosher Krabshack - Leviticus who?
Home Despot, for all your dictating needs.
Hate Symbols and Propaganda: Aisle 4.
Shotgun bowling*
*Homer J Simpson
Felix Unger once suggested brocolli-flavored bubble gum with opera star trading cards.
I guarantee you there is a market for this.
Tom Waits once claimed to have opened an eatery featuring recycled cuisine. It did not go well.
Good ideas. Here are my contributions:
-“Cookit Yerself” Restaurant (we supply the food, kitchen, and a foul-mouthed english chef, who will yell at you as you attempt to cook your food)
-Combination “Temp Storage and Mausoleum”-store your excess household goods AND Grandpap!
Guns for Amputees: No arm, no leg, no problem! You bring the gun and we’ll attach it!
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The Angry Chimp Plastic Surgeon:** For touch ups or a full facelift, we’ll do it in 10 minutes or less!
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Chinese Food Bank:** Donating Chinese food to the hungry. Then again an hour later.
Tuna@home: Mail order tuna fish sandwiches.
You know - our modern world has lost track of an important aspect of life that was prevalent in previous centuries, think of chamber pots being tossed into the streets, horses and carriages, open sewers, people bathing once a week (if at all) and wearing only one outfit - ever, markets with meat hanging in the sun, livestock roaming free…we bring you:
Historical Odor Tourism - Tour famous cities and smell the smells of yesteryear!
In fact, there are a number of businesses around here that do this.
I’ve seen this, too (minus the foul-mouthed English chef), though I don’t know how successful it’s been.
I attended a meeting that had one of the actors from Scarborough Faire as a guest. She said that one of the bosses said that their goal was to recreate the <whatever> century life in sight and sound, but not smell.
Aw, c’mon, they’re missing out on one of the best parts of the past! That, and infant mortality…