Not mundane, but if I don’t leak this to someone, I’m going to crack under the pressure.
After many years as a life-long bachelor (yes, I realize that makes very little sense), I’m finally taking the big step: I’m going to ask my girlfriend to marry me. It’s never been explicitly stated, but I wouldn’t be surprised if my family has had a pool going on for when I’m finally going to settle down. I’m the oldest of three kids, and both of my brothers have been married for a while, youngest for three years, middle brother for eight. Both sister-in-laws (sisters-in-law? sisters-in-laws?) have been not-so-subtle in their speculation on whether or not I’ll ever drink the marriage kool-aid.
I chose the setting and stone last night, and I’m going to pick the ring up this afternoon. And now I’m freaking out (well, a little) about the proposal: big to-do, uber-casual “hey, wanna be my ball and chain?” while lounging on the couch watching American Idol, or somewhere in between? Big speech or a simple “I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you”? I’m slightly nervous about the whole thing, and when I get nervous I tend to start cracking jokes. Gonna have to watch that.
{note to self: don’t forget to breathe…}
The weirdest thing, though, is that last night I had a dream where I was driving home after getting the ring, and got into an accident. I ended up proposing from my hospital bed. And that was after the EMTs claimed to have lost all my clothing, including the ring. :eek: Let’s hope real life goes smoother.
And don’t even ask about the wedding, I’m having a hard enough time getting through this step!
Go for the most romantic proposal she can think of. (Not that you can think of, you fool!) If you can find something iconic about it, it gives you anniversary gift ideas for the rest of your marriage.*
Breathe deep, gird your loins, and face your fate like a man.
Good Luck!
*I proposed in front of the Buddha at the Huntington Gallery. Ever since, we have looked for and collected Buddha figurines.
I’m partial to how my superhero proposed, personally.
But seriously, what I liked best about it was that it really reflected his personality and our relationship. We sat together as equals (he didn’t get down on one knee), and while the magic trick was a surprise, the words he used were not in the least.
If there’s something in particular you know she wants or doesn’t want (I told the superhero years ago that I really didn’t want a proposal in front of a bunch of people, particularly family), try to accomodate her wishes. Other than that, I’d just go with something simple and comfortable - if you have a favorite restaurant, or like to walk in a particular park, or some other location that’s significant to the two of you, you might consider doing it there.
My friend (the one who met and married a multi-multi-millionaire) had an awesome proposal.
She followed a path of rose petals from the garage in her building, into the elevator, down the hall, and into the romantic, candle-lit room with the music going and the 3-carat ring in the glass of champagne (presented to her by a sobbing (“I love you! I love you!”, romantic fiance). It took her a week to recover from the romance of it all.
Go with something that you’re pretty sure she’ll be comfortable with. Some ladies like it when you make a big show of proposing like those crazy billboards or ads on television, while others would be happy with you proposing on the couch/in bed in a fairly nonchalant way. I’m somewhere in between, and was proposed to in a subtle manner in a restaurant without the involvement of the employees. (I think I would have been mortified if it had been announced to the entire restaurant that I was proposed to.)
Trust me, if you’re anything like my SO, you’re not going to do the speech you prepared if you prepared one anyway, and if she’s like me, she’s going to ask you to get to the point if you start babbling incoherently.
That’s not for everyone, though. If my SO had done that, I would’ve asked him why he made a mess. Then again, I am not particularly attracted to weepy guys either. ::shrugs:: Different strokes for different folks, eh?
I would say no jokes. If you joke, how can she be sure you’re serious about it? You should take the whole thing seriously, be honest when you tell her how you feel for her. I think if you are honest and serious and lay your heart bare you can’t go wrong.
My personal preference is nothing too romantic, but nothing too casual either, because both of those things can make it look like you haven’t really thought about the future together with her. Too much romance rings false, like you want the show more than her. Too casual makes it not very special.
But you know her better than anyone else! You should decide what she thinks is important and work from there.
mlerose, I love that story (but could never pull it off, I’ve got ten thumbs), congrats yourself. Plus, a few responses in your thread about rings reassured me that my choice of sapphire wasn’t completely out there. She isn’t a huge fan of diamonds, she much prefers colored stones (in the few pieces of jewelry she does wear). Sapphire is her favorite, plus it’s her birthstone. So I went for this with a round sapphire center stone. I do think that bigger stones look better as far as “sparkliness” (as long as you stay under “OMGaudy!”), and while I’m doing ok financially, the 4-5x cost difference for a diamond of equivalent size would’ve been a bit overkill.
My original plan was to get the ring, organize the time and place, then pop the question. But once the ring is in my hands, I don’t think I’ll be able to wait! If I wasn’t such a macho, manly man I’d be going “squee” all over the place. Revised plan is to do it tonight during dinner. squee
And Elysian I completely agree about not joking. But it’s a nervous defense mechanism of mine, so that’s another incentive to keep things short and simple. If I go too long, I’ll start babbling, trying to be suave and romantic, and probably look like a doofus. That wouldn’t be the end of the world (she must like doofuses, she hasn’t left me yet) but might not set the proper tone.
“Well, children, when your father proposed, he went on this long rambling diatribe that didn’t make much sense, put his hand in his pocket, got stuck pulling it out, tripped while trying to kneel down, and fell over knocking the soup onto himself. I said yes while standing over him as the paramedics were treating his concussion and second degree burns.”
Some of us aren’t sure when we actually became engaged. Himself started jokingly asking me to marry him about a week after we met. At least, I assumed he was joking. After several many months of him proposing on a daily or weekly basis, I just started believing he meant it and that we were going to get married. I never wanted an engagement ring, and we couldn’t afford one anyway, so it’s really hard to say when we officially became engaged…
I thought the “You want to be my ball and chain?” was a bit jokey, that’s really what I was referring to. I want to squee a little myself! Aw, so cute! Don’t be so nervous, you’ll be fine!
I wholeheartedly approve of sapphires. And I’m squeeing for you. Squee!
When the superhero got my ring, his original plan was to wait for my birthday (next week) but he told me (afterward) that once he got the ring he couldn’t wait, so post-Valentine’s Day it was!
I don’t know if this will help at all (having never actually popped the question myself), but my niece’s husband proposed to her on stage at a Ren Faire show. He’d arranged for the rennies to pick her as a volunteer in a “kidnapped by the dashing swordsman” sort of skit, then went up and dueled the guy for her. She loved it, after she got over being utterly stunned, but she’s weird. (She is related to me, after all.)
All I can personally offer is this: Get on with it. You’ve made up your mind, committed yourself to asking. Don’t back down and don’t put it off too long, looking for the perfect moment. Tonight is not too soon–light the candles, dim the lights, and go for it. Life is too short, and we miss too many opportunities for happiness.
Revised plan is to do it tonight during dinner. squee