I wrote this awhile back and have posted it online on other sites. Thought I would share it with you guys - my new online brethren.
Its basically the comedy sketch of Who’s on First, but with a silly spin on it. Enjoy!
Cookie Monster(Abbott) : Ok Hulk, me going with you to New York. Yankee manager give me job as coach while you on team.
Hulk(Costello) : Hey fuzzy blue puppet thing, if you coach, you must know players, right?
CM : Yeah, me do, yeah, yeah.
H : Ok, cause Hulk never meet players. You tell Hulk players names and then Hulk know team better.
CM : You got cookie? Me tell you for cookie.
H : Hulk no got cookie. Hulk got two big fist to SMASH! Tell Hulk NAMES!!!
CM : Ok, Ok, let me see, who we got on team…Ok, Who on first base, What on second and I Don’t Know on third.
H : That what Hulk want to know.
CM : Me just say - Who on first, What on second and I Don’t Know is on third!
H : You manager right?
CM : Yeah, me manager.
H : Going to be coach, too?
CM : Yeah, Yeah!
H : But you not know players names??
CM : No! Me know names. Me already tell you.
H : Then who on first base!!??
CM : Yeah!
H : Hulk mean player name.
CM : Who.
H : Player on first.
CM : Who.
H : First base man!
CM : Who
H : Man playing on…
CM : Who on first base.
H : Hulk ask YOU that question. Who on FIRST BASE??!!
CM : That man name.
H : That who name?
CM : Yeah.
H : Tell Hulk!!
CM : That it.
H : That who!??
CM : Yeah.
Hulk starts gritting teeth and clenching his fist
H : Got first base man?
CM : Yeah, me do.
H : Who playing first base?
CM : Right.
H : When you pay man for playing, who get money?
CM : All money, yes.
H : Just tell Hulk player name on first!!
CM : Who.
H : The man that gets…
CM : That it.
H : Who get money…
CM : Yeah, yeah, all of money. Sometime his wife come to get money.
H : Whose wife?
CM : Yeah.
Hulk looks angered even more
CM : What wrong with wife getting money?
H : Ok, when first base man sign up for team, how he sign his name?
CM : Who.
H : The player…
CM : Who.
H : How does man sign…
CM : That how he sign.
H : Who?
CM : Yeah.
Hulk grabs person walking by and throws him in a rage
H : RRRRAAAAGHHHHHHH!!!
CM : Well, that not nice.
H : Ok, all Hulk want to know is what is man name on first base?
CM : No, no. What on second base.
H : Hulk not ask about who on second!
CM : Who on first.
H : One base at time!!!
CM : Don’t change players around then.
H : Hulk not change players!!!
CM : Calm down, Hulk.
H : Ok, ok…Hulk only want to know who player on first base?
CM : Yeah, that right.
H : Ok then.
CM : Ok.
They both stare at eachother for a moment
H : Sooo, what guy on first base?
CM : No. What on second.
H : Hulk not asking who on second!!
CM : Who on first.
H : I don’t know!!
CM : He on third base, not talking bout him now.
H : How Hulk get on third base???!
CM : You say his name.
H : If Hulk say third base man name, then who did Hulk say play third base?
CM : No, no. Who on first.
H : What on first!??
CM : What on second.
H : I don’t know!!!
CM : He on third base.
H : Hulk back on third again!! RRRAAAGHH!!!
Hulk rips a road sign out of the sidewalk and impales it in a passing car
CM : Hope man insured.
H : Ok, Ok…Ok, third base man. We talk about him now.
CM : What you want to know?
H : Who playing third base?
CM : Um, why you want Who on third base?
H : What Hulk put on third?!
CM : No. What on second.
H : You not want who on second??
CM : Who on first.
H : I don’t KNOW!!!
H and CM : THIRD BASE!!
Both looking flustered and angry now
H : Ok, you got players out far in grass, right?
CM : An outfield? Yeah, me got that.
H : Ok, left field man name?
CM : Why.
H : Hulk just asking.
CM : Me just tell you.
H : Then tell Hulk who play left field.
CM : Who on first base.
H : Hulk not…no, no. Stay off bases. Hulk want know what player name in left field!!
CM : No, What on second.
H : Hulk not ask who on second!!!
CM : Who on first.
H : I don’t know!!!
CM and H : Third base!!!
H : Ok, Ok…Left fielder name?
CM : Why.
H : BECAUSE!!!
CM : Oh, he centerfield.
Hulk stares at Cookie Monster, teeth grinding and spittle flying out of his mouth with each breath
H : Ok, fuzzy blue puppet thing, have pitcher on team, right?
CM : Yeah, yeah.
H : Pitcher name?
CM : Tomorrow.
H : Won’t tell name now?
CM : Me tell you now.
H : Go on then, tell Hulk.
CM : Tomorrow!
H : What time?
CM : What time what?!
H : What time tomorrow, you tell Hulk who pitcher?
CM : Listen, listen. Who not pitching.
H : Hulk smash you if you say who on first!! Hulk want to know what pitcher name!!!
CM : What on second.
H : I DON’T KNOW!!!
CM and H : Third BASE!!
Hulk takes deep breath and breathes out
H : You got catcher?
CM : Yeah, yeah, me got that.
H : And catcher name is?
CM : Today.
H : Today, and tomorrow pitching.
CM : You got it!!
Hulk thinks for a moment
H : Hulk play catcher too. You know that?
CM : Me heard that before, yeah!
H : Hulk sit behind plate and Tomorrow pitch ball. Man with bat come up to hit little ball and he do a little puny hit. Hulk get ball want to throw man out. So Hulk throw ball to who?
CM : Now you got it!!
H : Hulk not know what Hulk saying, but ok!!
CM : You do it right, yeah yeah!!
H : Hulk just throw little ball to first base?
CM : Yeah, yeah!
H : Now who got ball?
CM : Yes!!!
Hulk starts stomping up and down
H : GRRRR!!! OK, Hulk throw little ball to first base, somebody got to catch ball. Who catch it?!
CM : YES!!
H : Who?!!
CM : Yes!!
H : Yes?
CM : YES!!
H : So, ok, Hulk get ball and throw to Yes!!???
CM : NO, no, throw to Who!!
H : Yes…
CM : You not say right…
H : Hulk throw to Yes??
CM : YOU THROW TO WHO!!!
H : Yes!!!
CM : That it!!! You got it!!
H : That what Hulk say.
CM : Ok, you ask me.
H : Hulk throw ball to who?
CM : Yes!!
H : Now you ask Hulk!!
CM : Me throw to Who?
H : Yes!!
CM : That it, yes!!
H : See, same as you!! Hulk throw ball to who. Someone drop ball and batter run to second. Who pick up ball and throw ball to What! What throw ball to I Don’t Know! I Don’t Know throw ball back to Tomorrow. GOT THREE TIME PLAY!!! Some other man hit ball way far to Because. WHY??! I DON’T KNOW!! HE ON THIRD and HULK DON’T CARE!!!
CM : What you say?
H : HULK SAY I DON’T CARE!!!
CM : Oh, that name of shortstop.
Hulk stomps off in a frenzy destroying all in his way
CM : That man need cookie.