Buy Three, Get Four More Free

And it’s not even like we wanted to buy three to start with. Actually one, maybe two would do us. But they said if we wanted the two, we’d have to get three. Then they turn around and tell us they are giving us the other four for free, so we have the whole set.

“They” in this case is the Newspaper.

No one at Rancho DeDay has a burning need to keep abreast of the news. I mean, most of it doesn’t effect us in a direct way. Yeah, we like the weather forecast, but they tell us what the weather’s going to be like on the TV news. Or on the radio. The radio is pretty quick to tell us the weather. (It’s hot, and it’s gonna stay that way.) Of course then there’s the funnies. Only they aren’t all that funny, really. Our paper carries Baby Blues (which is funny because I recognize the situations), and Zits (which is what I get to look forward to) and The Dinette Set (I know these people) (unfortunately) and Speed Bump (that’s hit-or-miss with the funny) plus a whole other page of not funny “funnies” Like Garfield and Hi and Lois. When was the last time you laughed at Beetle Bailey? Or Blondie? (Yeah, she’s all hot, but even heat only goes so far without nudity. And no one wants to see Dagwood nekkid. No one.)

So we figured we only need the Friday paper because they put in the Weekend Magazine so we know what hip and happening hot spots there are around town that we aren’t going to, and the big ol’ Sunday paper because it’s the big ol’ Sunday paper. (It has the not-too-funny funnies in color, so it has that going for it. Plus the TV listings for the week.) You can just get the Sunday paper delivered, but if you want the Friday paper too, you have to bundle it up with Saturday for the whole Weekend Delivery. The Weekend Delivery with the Saturday paper we hardly ever get around to looking at still works out to be cheaper than buying a TV Guide, so we go with that. They try to get us to subscribe to the whole week’s worth of newspapers, but we don’t really need all that paper around the house (even with the puppy) so we stand firm and say “No, we just want the Weekend Delivery” and the Paper People, after four or five tries to get us to upgrade to the whole week, finally get the idea through their noggins and we get the paper delivered to our door (which is what they say, but our “door” isn’t at the end of our driveway, or even over in the grass by the corner) all weekend long.

Until the Paper People call us up. It usually takes them a week after we renew our subscription, but they always call. Because they are such nice people and they like us, as a courtesy to us, they decide it’s a good idea to give us the rest of the week for free. Yes, for the price of Weekend Delivery, we get the whole week’s worth of newspapers! How cool is that?

Of course, when the bill rolls around, they always try to stick us with the charge for the full week. Not that we asked for the full week, since it was their idea to deliver all those extra newspapers. So when the bill comes we just pay for Weekend Delivery again and the Paper People don’t like that and call us.
“Why don’t you want the whole week’s worth of papers anymore?” they ask.
“Because we never did,” is the answer. Actually the real answer is “Because we never did, stupid. And you’re just going to turn around and give us the extra days free again anyway, so why would we want to pay for it.” But we don’t say that. Calling someone, even one of the Paper People (although it’s really a Paper Minion who has to call us) “stupid” could hurt their feelings.

So we always get the whole week’s worth of newspapers. So we can stay informed on the happenings of our world.

If we ever, you know, actually read all the extra papers.

We also get the local paper for free. We couldn’t get them to stop throwing it at us if we tried. Every week it shows up. Every week it’s just chock full of Local News. Not enough stuff happens around here to fill up a whole newspaper every week. But still, every week, there it is, the Local Paper.

With no funnies in it, I don’t even bother to read that one at all.


I’d stand out at the end of the driveway every morning and throw the unwanted paper back at the delivery guy/girl. I get to pick up a free paper every Thursday that has a listing of every anything that is happening until the next Thursday. Now there are two such papers in town. One even has the old-fashoned black and not white Straight Dope that gets your fingers all smudgy and I can read the new version Thursday IRL so I don’t have to wait until Friday to read it online. No paper subscription for me!


Before Mr. Anachi and I got married, he used to get the whole week’s worth of papers delivered. I used to read it in the morning with my coffee (funnies first). Then Mr. Anachi decided to save some money and just get the Sunday paper delivered. I stopped reading the newspaper. Mr. Anachi still reads the Sunday paper and The Princess[sup]TM[/sup] reads all the sales fliers and clips the coupons. I guess I’m not girly enough cause I don’t care about the sales fliers or the coupons. Sue me. Every once in a while the newspaper people call and tell us we’ll be receiving the whole week’s worth of papers free of charge for the next six weeks or so. Mr. Anachi says this makes their circulation figures look good when they are looking for more people to put ads and sales fliers in the newspaper. Then they send a renewal for a weekly subscription. Just like you, rue, Mr. Anachi only pays for Sunday delivery. We got tired of sortin’ all this out with the newspaper people so we just turn em down when they offer us the “free” weekday papers. Sue us.

It’s hot here this morning and the phones aren’t working in the entire building. Darn good thing the Internet is workin’ or I might haveta go home. :eek: Hey! Wait a minute!


Lewis Black was GREAT! We saw him last night and he was hilarious…he had a great skit on living in Albany, Amtrak, etc. The best was, the lighting guy kept screwing up and he came up with a whole bunch of on-the-spot jokes about it. There was even one point where he said it was bright as a laser, then proceeded to whip his glasses off and shout

“Fix my eyes, you fucker!”

I subscribe to The Albany Herald. Like Rue I got a deal where I pay for the weekend subscription but I get a whole week. They called me up and offered it to me about four years ago. See, I once subscribed for the full price, then I cancelled cause they weren’t real good with the delivery thing. So, when they asked if I wanted to get this real super deal, I said ok. Delivery’s even been pretty good for the most part. I have a paper slot thingy on my mailbox that delivery guy puts the paper in. It’s always here by 5:30 AM. I also subscribe to the weekly paper where I live. It’s only ten bucks a year and chock full of local goodness! It’s The Lee County Ledger. Sorry no online site. Anyways if it happens in Lee County, Jawja it’ll be in the LCL. This includes stuff like foreclosures (with names and addresses), who got caught speeding/dui/driving without a license (those three things seem to go together. Some fool gets stopped for speeding, who is also drunk, and driving on a suspended license), who got arrested at WallyWorld for shoplifting, and all kinds of stuff. Plus, when court’s been in session I get to read all about it in great detail! Who was on trial! Did they get convicted? Did they have to pay a fine? Did they get probation? Did they have to go to jail or prison? Did they get banned from WallyWorld? (You get convicted of shoplifting there and you get banned from Wal*Mart. It’ll say so right there in the LCL!) The most fun thing in the AH is the squawk box where people get to say what they think about stuff. It’s ignernce at it’s best. So, see I get high entertainment value from the local newspapers, especial the LCL. The LCL comes out on Wednesday. It makes Wednesday a good day.

Ok, it rained all weekend. No pool lounging/libation sipping for me. That was ok though cause I spent Saturday afternoon and most of yesterday with ACBG. We celebrated gay pride real good Lissla. :smiley:

That’s about all I got for now.

I’m feeling really grumpy today. So I think I’m just going to go sulk. If you don’t have anything nice to say, you shouldn’t say anything, right? So I may be real quiet for a couple days.

Maybe it’s cause I don’t get any newspaper at all.

Lewis Black rocks. I’m giving his book to my dad for Father’s Day, only I’m going to read it first. I think. I hope. Maybe.

No, I’m not some delinquent(?) child who forgot Father’s Day. I was in Ann Arbor on Father’s Day. My dad was in Traverse City. Slight problem. We’re going to have Father’s Day when I get back.

Nyum. Newspapers… oh yeah, those things that my dad brings in in the morning. Mweh. Give me Net news any day. Not to mention that newspapers come with nasty circulars. They smell bad and feel bad and… MWEH!

Our local newspaper used to have the weekend special which I’d get because I wanted the Friday that had the “Weekender” edition that listed all the movies and hot spots and happenin’s. Then they decided to put the weekender out on Thursday so you’d have to add another day to get that edition, at that point they really start pushing the whole week, “C’mon, it’s just Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, you don’t want them to feel left out, do you?” But I foiled them, I just don’t subscribe at all anymore and wait until my boyfriend brings over his edition of the Weekender and Sunday paper or I just wait for someone at work to bring a Sunday paper and read theirs.

I had way too many papers when I subscribed, so I took up papier mache again, having not dabbled in it since childhood. It’s fun and squishy and messy and you can be all artisitic and stuff and when people see your strange paper and glue blobs and say “What the hell is that?!” you can smugly say, “That’s art!”.
And now I leave you with some Swedish words of wisdom … no, it’s not “Bork! Bork! Bork!”.
Love me when I least deserve it, that’s when I need it most.

I get the Sunday paper, ‘cause its got two (not one, but two!) big crossword puzzles. I likes doing them. It also has funny funnies: Doonesberry, Dilbert, Opus, Foxtrot, and one I’ve come to love lately, Luann. I never read Cathy, and stopped reading Peanuts after CMS passed and they started rerunning his old strips. Plus its got some inneresting stories about things that are happenin’ around the world. Yeah, hardly any of it affects me, but at least I’m able to get most of the pop culture references on The Family Guy if’n I read the Sunday paper. But to get the paper, I walk down the street to the green box that has, strangely, a picture of a friend on it.

I also pick up the paper a few times during the week. I like to eat lunch by myself most of the time, and pick up the paper and read it whilst eating so as I have an excuse not to talk to other people.

But I don’t have a subscription, and I probably won’t get one. Unless I move to someplace that doesn’t have a green box that takes quarters box with a picture of a friend of mine on it conviently located within Sunday Morning walking distance. And I don’t have any animals that need to poop on paper. The GF’s daughters are house-trained.

Oh, and good morning, y’all.

Aaaaaaahhh! Everybody hold on to something - the universe is about to collapse! There are two MMP’s being posted to at the same time! Somebody hold me!

Actually, I don’t think I deserve to be held, because I think I caused it - posting late last night kept people replying into this morning. Shame on me.

I used to get the Sunday paper delivered - but all I would ever read was the comics, and it’s just not worth the waste of paper. I’ll save a tree! That should make up for my almost-destroying-the-universe-with-concurrent-MMPs.


I spent weeks trying to get the local paper to stop delivering. My hubby had ordered it daily, which was okay because it cost next to nothing (although it was worth even less), but after he started working out of town for a while I got tired of dealing with all the piles of unread papers. So I called the paper and canceled. It would stop for three days, and then start again. So I’d call again. This went on repeatedly, till I called and threatened to sue the circulation manager for harassment**. So then it finally stopped.

For about two weeks. And then it started again. So I called and they said, “Oh, it’s a free introductory offer, we won’t charge you for it.” I ranted and raved for a while, told them I had just spent weeks trying to get them to leave me alone, that I didn’t want their free introductory offer, yada yada yada. So it stopped for about three days. And then started again.

So that time I made a big cardboard sign that said, “DO NOT DELIVER ANY MORE NEWSPAPERS! YOU’VE BEEN TOLD AT LEAST FOUR TIMES THAT I DON’T WANT ANY MORE NEWSPAPERS!” and I went out and fastened it to the back bumper of my car where it would be visible to the newspaper person as they drove by at o-dark-thirty.

And it stopped. And hasn’t started again. But I kept my homemade sign for weeks.

**I have no idea if such a thing is even possible, it was just hyperbole but I was dealing with an idiot on the phone that particular time.

Morning, everyone.

We don’t get the paper here, but I read it at work. Occasionally. I figure if anything important happens, someone will let me know. In the meantime I’ll just read the books section and the comics. I like Get Fuzzy.

Ah local newspapers…I subscribe to local one here which is the Rocket Miner. It is pretty much the same as Swampy’s LCL except we get it daily. Well apart from Sunday & Monday.

It is everyones favorite activity here at work on Tuesday morning to turn to page 2 and look for who got arrested for dui’s etc over the weekend.

On Thursday you get to see who got divorced the previous week!

I get my news from the internet. I used to buy the Sunday paper to get the coupons, but it turns out I rarely buy stuff they offer coupons for.

And if I really want to see what’s on sale at Target this week, I can just go 2 blocks down the road to the store and check it out in person. :smiley:

ems the little town I grew up in had a newspaper just like that. It was called “The Daily News” cept it didn’t publish on Sunday. I guess Sunday wasn’t a day. Now it publishes on Sunday. Oh, and get this. When they started publishing the paper on Sunday, they wanted to go up on their price. My mother told em to forget it then. Not only did they not go up on the price, but started charging her less for delivery. Go figure. I sometimes check out the on-line version just so I can see who died, who got arrested and who got divorced or married. Sometimes they get divorced and married at the same times it seems. I love it when somebody’s name appears in the divorces then again under the marriages. I just know there’s a real juicy backstory there! This same paper still publishes loooooong articles about weddings. They describe the bride’s gown in excrutiating detail. They even describe the bridesmaids dresses, the groom and groomsmens tuxes, what the mothers of the bride and groom wore, what the wedding cake looked like, the whole nine yards. It’s just like you were there. Ah, the joys of a small town newspaper!

Mama Tiger can I borrow your idea and make a sign that says DON’T THROW THOSE #@%*&# WEEKLY PENNY SAVER THINGS IN MY YARD ANYMORE!!!?

I like the paper, and I read it every morning. And I start with the comics, like any thoughtful reader. Unless my husband has them, then I start with the sports.

We have 3 ferrets, so we need newspapers. Ferrets, you see, will not see the point of leaving the room when they have to poop; however, they do show the courtesy of finding an open corner. So we have several papers around the house when the ferrets are out, plus the ones in their room. Did I mention that they have short digestive systems? So we like a daily paper.

What would an MMP be without a poop reference? (Don’t worry, it’s rhetorical.)

I get my paper free but a day late sometimes. The Union Tribune gives our schools their extras. The big local paper is awful. Dunderheaded reporters who are obviously biased. The few off-brand comics are so small you need a magnifying glass. And does anybody else have local businesses sponser a comic strip? I save the comics for last, like a papery dessert.

Swampy, the newspaper across the border not only covers weddings, but coming out parties, family reunions, and arrivals at the airport.

I have a fear of getting a paper delivered. Back in college I went home for summer break, canceled my subscription, and had my mail forwarded. They kept delivering it and sending bills, but they were never forwarded apparently. A week or so after getting back to my apartment, one evening somebody knocks on the door and like an idiot I open the door without looking. Standing there is this big guy filling the doorframe, he’s got on a black trench coat and hat casting shadows over most of his face and the part you could see wasn’t happy. He rumbles something about unpaid bills. I was so afraid this big guy was going to do something awful (what I don’t know, I was just scared) I didn’t hear what he said and he had to repeat it a couple of times. He was a collection agent for the newspaper! It was all straightened out eventually. But if that’s who they send out to collect for a newspaper, I don’t want to see the guy a bookie would have collecting.

Hey, one of my cats is snoring! I didn’t think cats snored. Learn something new every day.

Italics mine

<snerk> coming out parties <snerk> The Gonzales family hosted a party last Friday evening in honor of their son Jose officially coming out of the closet. Jose was f-aaaaaa-bu-lous in his outfit of dusty rose silk shirt, cotton twill slacks, and boat shoes. Attendants were his friends Juan, Carlos, and Big Leather Bubba.

We get the local paper. CurrentDog loves it because that’s his job - go get the paper from the yard and bring it into the house. He’s even getting pretty good at “let the paper go so the humans can read it BEFORE you eat it”, so that’s good.

We had sunny & hot here for the weekend, so DogDad and I spent Saturday morning out in the pool floating around on our anniversary presents to each other, which happened to be a nice floaty thing and a floaty recliner for the pool.
But that means that we essentially turned into Crispy Humans. Ow. But it was still worth it and very relaxing.

The only bummer is that TODAY is our 13th anniversary and I am 150 miles away from him for training all week.

At least the weekend was nice.