Buying a Wedding Dress; the Horror of it all

In My Humble Opinion
21

My personal experience isn’t very helpful – I wore my mom’s wedding gown to wedding #1 and went to City Hall for wedding #2. However, if I were getting married today, I would look on Ebay for my dress. Lots of pretty dresses in all sizes at very good prices. Here’s a size 16 I quite liked for a couple of 100 dollars (so far). Ebay has a bunch of other wedding related stuff, as well.

Another suggestion – have you been to UltimateWedding.com? I lurk on their message boards sometimes – mostly for the shock value, “What? $35,000 for one day!” – but there seems to be some good information there, and a caring community.

Jess (who admits she is queer for all things etiquette)

22

Oh, the book Bridal Bargains by Alan & Denise Fields has some good advice about buying gowns.

My additional advice: buy what YOU like. I may not be some fashion consultant, but I knew what I liked. I kept listening to the shop consultants tell me what looked best on me, and you know, I just didn’t care (or shouldn’t have) what style they thought I should wear. It was my damned wedding, if I liked a dress that made me look ridiculous, or fatter, or weird, so the hell what? I didn’t go with my heart and I spent some time second-guessing my decision. In the end, I came to be okay with my gown, but to this day I wish I’d gone with what I wanted. I had few enough choices as it was (wanting a non-puffy gown); I should have bought what made me happy.

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moi, let me check with my cousin and I’ll get back to you on that, I don’t remember the name right now. I think it was in or near Allentown.

Rose

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Here’s how my wife did it:

  1. Go through bridal magazine (weight: 4 1/2 tons) and found dress she liked.

  2. Went to neighbor across the street who does sewing, and gave her enough money to make the dress.

My wife chose a very simple pattern, basically a white sheath-type dress (sorry, I’m a guy and technically incapable of describing it further), but it did not have veil or tiara or anything else sewn into it. It would make a good Easter dress for church.

BTW, we also had a friend make the wedding cake, decorated with statues of penguins (because they come formally dressed), including the pair on the top. We hired a barbecue restaurant in Columbia, S.C., to cater the whole thing (cost about $6 per plate), all you can eat, and held it at the church we go to.

One last observation: my wife was in the Navy at the time, and at the same time she was arranging this, she was coordinating the change-of-command ceremony for her boss at the recruiting office in Charlotte. She said planning the wedding was more traumatic.

Best of luck to you two!

25

Well, I did a little more dress shopping today, armed with a much better attitude, thanks to all of yous.
moi, I got that same crappy attitude from one bridal store. I want something very simple, so I was browsing in the bridesmaid section, and I was told by the sales bag that those dresses are inappropriate, and I was virtually dragged back to the wedding dress section. I was so shocked at the time that I didn’t know what to say; I do now - “Are you telling me that I can’t use a bridesmaid’s dress for my wedding?” That oughta shut 'em up.
Cranky, that’s excellent advice. If I like my dress, and my fiance likes me in it (which is pretty much a given), who else’s opinion matters?

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Oh yeah, Ginger, would you mind if I emailed you? I have a couple of sewing questions.

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My fiancee found the perfect dress while her sister was getting fitted for her wedding. She called me to tell me, and I sent her the money. She walked in, pointed out the dress she wanted, they altered it on the spot for a custom fit while she went shopping for the rest of the day, and four hours later had a custom fit(she’s easy to fit, 4’11, 90 lbs.), brand-new wedding dress for $100. Of course, this is the Philippines, where everything whose cost is primarily labor-based is dirt cheap. Probably doesn’t help, but what the heck, I wanted to share.

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I got the same thing. The wedding industry has a name for non-frilly dresses; they call them “informals.” And just about every boutique I went to acted like I was looking for this type of dress because we weren’t taking the wedding seriously and our marriage wouldn’t last. I asked about bridemaids’ dresses being available in white, and the reaction was the same. It’s not a legal wedding if you don’t have a crinoline, apparently.

I think they can pretty much tell that if you aren’t looking for those huge dresses, they’re also not going to be able to sell you their 500% markup veils, purses, garters, wraps, champagne glasses and shoes. It’s a big disappointment for them. BTW, ask if you can see the Jessica McClintock catalog. A lot of them have it even if they don’t carry the dresses. (I notice a lot of you gagging, thinking of those stupid holly-hobbie things that were so in 20 years ago). Fear not, her wedding line is not so hateful, and she specializes in “informals.” You might get some ideas of simple, attractive dresses that look “Bridal” without looking like those “Demetrios” gowns you see in bridal fashion magazines.

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When you’re ready for a little break from the stress of dress shopping, or if you just want a giggle, have a peek here: http://www.visi.com/~dheaton/bride/the_bride_wore.html

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FairyChatMom, those are hysterical! I thought some of the dresses I had seen in the shops were funny-looking; they’re nothing compared to that!

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I don’t think this is insensitive OR particularly manly (oh, though I’m sure you’re manly in all the right ways, rastahomie ;)) – it’s exactly what Mr. S. and I did. I wore a fabulous red dress with black beaded trim that I found at the mall (~$60), Mr. S. wore a deep turquoise shirt and black pants, we invited 20 of our closest friends and family, and the ceremony took about 5 minutes from “Please be seated” to “Congratulations.” Then we all went to dinner.

That was almost 11 years ago. I wore the dress a year later to a friend’s big formal wedding. She was divorced in 6 months.

Wear what you like! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. (psssst) The dress doesn’t even have to be WHITE. I promise, you won’t go to hell.

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First off, I’ll admit it, I am getting a poufy dress, as you will as wee when I post my wedding pictures on a website. (The “Barbie and Ken Wedding” or “the Cinderella” Wedding" are some exmaples of what my sister calls it)

I still had a miserable time shopping. I have a weird body. I have what my modelling agent used to call an “Angular hourglass” anyway, it’s hard you find a dress that fits. I too, had to argue with the clerk who handed me a size 5 and when I said it doesn’t fit, her reply was “I know I just want to see what the neckline it looks like.”
My answer, “I can not physically get the dress on my body, let alone the neckline to my neck!”

I gave up. I knew what I wanted, but couldn’t find it. I finally took snippets of all of the dress parts I loved to a seamstress. I am having the dress made. It cut my cost to a little less that half it was going to cost me. :slight_smile:

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I have no intention of “wee-weeing” on your, or anyone else’s wedding pictures. :stuck_out_tongue:

Seriously, I’m glad to hear things worked out well for you. When is the big day?

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Go to lots of stores to try on lots of dresses. Pack a lunch (just kidding, pb&j stains on white are hard to hide.) Make a day of it. Have fun.

Try on styles that you probably would never try. You never know.

Surround yourself with people who will be honest with you.

Buy only what makes you feel beautiful.

When you get an idea of what you are looking for, go to the cheap/poor side of town and see if the prices are better.

Try resale shops. Alot of them now have bridal gowns.For an excellent amount of cash you can pick up a gown fairly cheap. You would have to find a seamstress though.
Check the yellow pages.

Ask if there is a discount for cash.

BUT - you will have no recourse of the dress does not come in in time. So plan to use a credit card.(That way you can challenge the billing if there is a problem. Especially if you use AM Ex. )

Set in your mind just how much you are willing to spend on the dress, veil, shoes and alterations total.

I did not want to spend more than $500, actually, I was willing to go as high as $700. I spent $200 on my dress with another $50 on alterations, $20 for clearance designer Italian leather shoes (that are the only heels I can wear without suffering) and the veil was made for me.

My dress was on clearance as well. Clearance racks are my Mecca. It wasn’t poufy enough for the frou-frou crowd. And it was Ivory. I was such a rebel. ( And I originally wanted to get a light pink dress where there were ribbons on the skirt that made it look like a maypole.In honor of our wedding day, May 1st - May Day - I would have bought it, only it was only $2,500. I would have shocked all my wonderbread-inside-the-box family and friends.

It was the third dress I tried on and decided I’d take it.

This was in 1992, so with a rate of inflation, the dream dress would now be $18 million dollars…on ebay :slight_smile:

Oh, and get your dress drycleaned ( or preserved if you plan to pass it along) immediately. It’s 8 years since I wore mine and it’s never been cleaned and I really don’t feel like taking it in now.

Whatever money you save by cost cutting hither and yon, either blow it on the honeymoon ( I am a travel slut and beleive very strongly in travel as much as possible) or some large gift for the home. - we put a deck on our house with the $ saved from my dress and bartering services with a DJ )

Most of all, have fun!

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Ignore my hannauka Harry guy. what I meant was PB and J.

Oy.

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I bought my (absolutely perfect) dress there. I remember the name – I’ll email it to you.

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Moi, I can’t email you, so I’ll just have to say it …

Bridal Factory Wearhouse, just outside Allentown.

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Featherlou: Having gotten married last year (nearly – only 5 days to go for our 1st!) I understand your problem. I refused to spend horrendous amounts of $$ on a dress I would wear (hopefully) only once, but finding one that I liked, that fit, was a pain. I even considered going rental, but was told the quality of the dresses is sometimes lacking. Then I tried the online auctions, and there were quite a few that would have been perfect, but it was when I went to “Gownsonline.com” that I had the best luck. They have tons to choose from, in all sizes and prices, and I found exactly what I wanted in my size. The downside is: It does take about 4-6 months to get the dress sent to you. Because I didn’t know anyone who sewed, the dress wasn’t actually tried on completely until my wedding day – it was tight in the waist, and a bit loose in the bust, but looked fabulous so I won’t complain.

Also, if you’d be interested, I have mine still. It’s a size 22 unaltered dress (off the shoulder, no train, some beading but not too fancy, bow at the back but not huge, princess seaming which IS flattering to the heavier woman).
If you’d like more information, email me and let me know. I’ll see if I can’t get a picture for you – we could dicker over price.

Meanwhile, try looking in unusual places – garage sales, consignment stores, online, rentals, auctions, etc. The seamstress idea is also a good one if you know someone who sews.

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I got mine at a little bitty dress shop in a working-class area. The woman who ran it was wacky, but really good. I walked in, she looked at me and said, “For you, I like, this dress.” I put it on and it was beautiful. I tried on about 10 more, and ended up buying the one she picked out first. It was $800. It was minimum frills, but a really luscious ivory silk satin.

I was maid of honor for a friend, and we went to the really big boutique in New York - I can’t remember the name, but it’s famous, and you have to get an appointment a few weeks in advance. It was traumatic, and she ended up with a dress about as nice as mine but more than twice as expensive.

No matter who you order from, I recommend you lie about the wedding date. Tell them you’re getting married in June. This will mean that you get your dress early enough for your own peace of mind.

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featherlou, i’m not sure where in canada you are.

just a fyi for those hunting for a dress, boston’s filene store has its infamous wedding dress sale in sept, i believe it is the 14th, i know it is on a wednesday; if you are in the vicinity. i believe the dresses go for $199. to $99. all sizes. this sale is a major hoot.