My sister is getting married in April 2007 - she has chosen a dress for her two bridesmaids and me, the matron of honour. She made the decision only last week, and I went looking immediately to find the dress. Two of them were able to find the dress and have bought it (for $300 on sale each), but I can’t find it. As far as I know, it is not available in Canada any longer, and I will not be able to get it. I have looked for one like it, and I can’t find one like it, either (not even close). It’s a type of dress that is extremely difficult to make - a full-length gown of stretchy, clingy material with copious beading top and bottom, a stretchy undersheath, and a sheer, beaded jacket. Making it is not an option; I don’t have the skills to make something like this, and the beading alone couldn’t be done before April if I could afford the expense of having a dress like this made.
I’m not sure what to do now. The obvious answer is tell her I can’t get it, of course. Is that all I do - tell her I can’t get it, and leave the ball in her court?
That’s what I would do. As long as you tried to get it right away, and you sincerely can’t find it, what else IS there to do? You did what you could.
If she lives in a different area from you, maybe she could find it for you (or one of her bridesmaids could look where they found it), or maybe since you are the maid of honor, your sister could find something a little different that coordinates well with the maids’ dresses.
Well, you could get a different dress in the same colour (if it’s ok with your sister) - it’s not that unusual for the matron of honour to have a different dress, or for married women in the bridal party to wear a different dress than the single gals.
I wouldn’t stress too much though - if you can’t get it, you can’t get it.
This is not your problem. I mean, obviously that’s not the callous attitude one should have towards a sibling or her wedding (well, not usually), but on a practical level it is not your fault if it is unavailable. It’s unfortunate that she couldn’t ascertain ahead of time its availability for all the members of her wedding party. From what you’ve told us, there is nothing you can do.
As for what her options are, I don’t know. She will either have to find another dress (and if they can’t return the first dress, she will have to reimburse them or pay for the 2nd dresses); find a different dress for you (perhaps similar in style but in a different color, as has been suggested) and accept that her wedding party with have non-matchy-matchy attire; or change the wedding party to include only those who were able to find the dress.
Tell her. Tell her now. It’s not like you didn’t try.
I echo the others that it isn’t unusual to see the matron of honour in a different dress than the bridesmaids, so if she really likes the dress the other two have, it is still an option for them to wear it, and to find something else for you.
Okay, she wants me to wear a dress that I bought for my next staff Christmas party - the only thing it has in common with the other dresses is that it is almost the same shade of purple. I am not going to look appropriately dressed; the other dresses and her dress are very fancy, gorgeous dresses - mine is suitable for a staff Christmas party. This is not going to look good, and I’m going to look like the one who is too clueless to get an appropriate dress - I’m not liking this plan much at all.
What do you ladies think - do you have to wear whatever the bride says, even if you are the only one who is going to look foolish and the other bridesmaids won’t?
Yikes…this keeps getting more & more fun, doesn’t it? What I would probably do at this point is get on the internet & shop around for dresses that you DO think look appropriate with the other dress, and e-mail her pictures of your suggestions. I think you are right that the color, while important, is maybe not as important as having the same general style or level of dressiness. If they are wearing a lighter shade of purple, maybe you could get something darker that also has the beading & whatnot on it.
What, exactly, do you want her to do? Pick another dress for all the attendants and have the other two out $300 for a dress that they’re never going to wear at all, much less “again”?
It seems like she’s giving you a reasonable alternative to the original dress. In the meantime, you have two months to find the original dress somewhere in the world or find something that is close to the original dress that you like and she approves of.
If you feel like you’ll be underdressed, then say something. Does the dress company that makes the original bridesmaid’s dress have other dresses using the same material? It’s almost certain they do. You should be able to get a fancier, if non-matching dress from them. You’ll probably have to pay extra for a rush order, but at least you won’t feel out of place. It’s not unusual for the maid/matron of honor to have a different dress.
Do you guys have David’s Bridal, or an equivalent store, in Canada? If so, they sell dresses off the rack, and you might find something there as well.
Well if she’s OK’d a different style of dress in the same colour, I think you should go find yourself a shwank dress in the same colour and wear it. I imagine she’s trying to save you hassle and expense - find a nice dress and get her OK. I can’t imagine if she ok’d a more casual “work party” dress she would have trouble with a fancy wedding type dress.
I dunno…I wouldn’t be comfortable being dressed way down from the other attendants, even if the color does match. Tough spot to be in. Does it not exist in any way shape or form or can you find the original dress in a really wrong size and have it tailored down?
Well, you should wear what the Bride says in general, even if it makes you look dumb–but especially if you are going to be one of a matched set of dumb looking ones. (Or if you will look like Barney the big purple dinosaur while the other bridesmaids look slim and elegant wearing the same dress). (I’m also reminded of my 5’10" friend who bought a pair of 3 in. hot pink high heels (dyed to match) because the bride said so, and then got yelled at for being too tall. Look, my tall friend would have been much happier with a shorter pair of heels. But she didn’t grow two inches since the wedding was announced. (I’m not sure whether she wore the shoes that made her too tall or wore shoes that didn’t match. This was one of those classic bridesmaids gripe about the dress, the shoes, etc. conversations.)
In this case, however, I think the Bride is tired of looking at dresses, tired of making decisions, and is probably trying to be nice to you–just wear the dress you already have that is the same basic color. No more time invested in the dress, no more money invested in the dress. But you think–and may well be right–that you’d stick out like a sore thumb who doesn’t know how to dress herself for a wedding.
So, if I were you, I’d do some more looking, see if I could find something in that same basic color that I thought would be a better match for the other dresses, then send her a picture and say, “Hey! Would it be ok with you if I wore THIS to your wedding?” Take on as much of the shopping burden as you can, and she might be willing to let you wear something that comes closer to being a match.
I think your sister’s idea is good and considerate, because if all else fails, you now know that there is a dress that you already own (those are the three most glorious words in the realm of weddings) that she would be happy with. That’s got to be at least 90% of the hassle taken care of right there.
Now that you are unburdened, follow the suggestions of the other posters to keep looking for another dress in the same color and hopefully more in the style of the original selection. badbadrubberpiggy makes a good point that many formalwear companies use the same fabric throughout their lines, that’s definitely worth checking out.
Is this a bridesmaids dress, or a formal dress that the other ladies just bought off the rack at a department store? In either case, I think there’s a reasonable chance you could find it, if thats what you want. You never know, it might show up on ebay next week. But if you don’t find it I don’t think you’ll look foolish, you just won’t match. And you’ll still have the same flowers as the others (I assume), which will give some uniformity.
Can’t you go to an dressmaker with your office dress and ask her to fancy it up a little? She could add some ruffles, lenght, an extra strap of fabric, or even a readymade beaded shawl, sewn around the shouders in a bolerostyle; a matching hat made of a bit of propped up fabric with a purple corsage in it and two feathers…It’s really rather easy to add some pizazz to a dress, as long as you carry yourself with confidence and set your face on “I know I’m stunning” instead of “underdressed & odd one out”.
I think you’re taking this way too seriously. Just wear a nice dress and don’t worry about it. Does anybody really care if the bridesmaids don’t match? It’s good to know that your sister isn’t tripping about it, at least.
I have to confess that I find a lot of concerns about wedding trappings to be extemely shallow and overwrought. Absolutely none of it matters in the long run.
I’d take a swatch of the material that the other bridesmaids are wearing and either find a dress very similiar or one that compliments the dresses they’re wearing. Or find a similiar material and have one made in a style you like.
Maid of honor doesn’t always wear the same dress or even the same color. Your sister doesn’t seem overly stressed that you won’t all be in the same dress, so I wouldn’t get stressed about it either.