Oh god I'm having a crisis of wedding dress!

In My Humble Opinion
1

Do not need answer fast; not getting married until October.

So I bought a dress, okay? I liked it, but it wasn’t my absolute favorite - my absolute favorite was $1800 and this one was $180. It’s flattering, it’s not what I thought I wanted but turned out to be what looked good on me, and if I lose a little bit more weight it won’t cost too much to alter. It’s here. That’s me cracking up because my mom can’t work my iPhone, and I’m with one of my matrons of honor. Please note, however, that $180 turned into $500 including the “package” at the bridal salon, which includes access to the Secret Seamstress, her storing the dress, steaming, peace of mind, etc.

So, my mom has my grandmother’s dress. Now, don’t get me wrong, this grandmother is amply represented in this wedding - I’m wearing her engagement ring reset, and her name is my middle name. Woman has no need to feel neglected beyond the grave. And this dress is 1930’s Real Life, not 1930’s Hollywood. And it has problems - the sleeves are ugly, it has vintage sweat stains, it needs a bit of touch up to the embroidery. But I made the mistake of trying it on, and from a lifetime of ugly pictures this may be the ugliest - here.

Now, the sleeves are fucking hideous. I’d have to have them changed, maybe just to flat normal fitted sleeves. And of course I loved Grandma, and she and Grandpa were married for 62 years, but I don’t love her sweat stains. And some of the stitching is weak (you might be able to see a hole there even). So it needs work and I don’t know what that will cost.

But oh shit, I kinda… like it. And the hair options I was looking at… they really work with that. I foundthis today, and while it’s more expensive than I’d like it would be freaking gorgeous with that dress, yes? With the veil I’m going to make?

So what do I do? Walk away from $500 in the storebought dress? Just take some bridal photos in Grandma’s and call it a day? Is it ridiculous to wear the storebought to the ceremony and change to Grandma for the reception?

Am I fooling myself and thinking I look good in the Grandma, or am I just rethinking the traditional 40-yards-of-taffeta lines of the bought one? Grandma would need work. But, and you’re not gonna believe this, I actually have the receipt for Grandma’s dress. (She saved everything. It cost $35. They spent $15 on flowers. People gave them $5 as a gift.)

2

I tell a lie. It was $30, with the veil.

3

IMO grandma’s is gorgeous as-is, sleeves and all.

Sell the new one on craigslist. Get what you paid for it, use that to have a fabric preservationist help with Grandma’s. You might ask your local museum’s textiles department.

4

I think your grandma’s dress is weirdly gorgeous, extremely unique, and it works well with your figure. I bet you could do something really special with it, as far as alterations. (And I love the hair accessory too!)

I like the $500 store-bought dress too --it’s very lovely. But your grandma’s dress is so very different, and that’s what I love about it. Did you already pay for the store-bought dress? If you did, can you return it for a full refund? If so, you have my vote for working on grandma’s dress and making that your wedding dress!

If you need or want to keep the store bought one, maybe you could hold onto grandma’s dress in case you have a daughter of your own one day. Or maybe you could wear it just for photos?

Either way, congrats on the wedding and good luck with your decision!

5

Well, from an economic point of view, the store-bought dress is a sunk cost. You spent the 500 bucks, and you’re not getting it back. So you have a choice: A free dress, or a fixer-upper. If you like the fixer-upper better, and think it’s worth the money to fix it, then go for it.

6

I say before you decide, you price out the fixes that will make this dress wearable for you. This might bring clarity to the situation.

What is the fabric?

7

I don’t particularly like grandma’s dress. The neckline is too modest, the sleeves ghastly, and the color is… off. I dunno if it’s because the lighting is off, but it looks yellowish. If it’s not yellowish IRL (and if you have shapewear for your midsection), I might be able to get behind it. I definitely don’t think it flatters your hips as much as your store dress, though.

Anyway, I think you should at least wear the $500 dress for the ceremony and for pictures. It will photograph much nicelier. And if you really wanna wear grandma’s dress, put it on when you’re ready to rock out comfortably at the reception–you won’t have to care if you get pit stains on top of pit stains, right?

I don’t think it’s weird to change dresses before the reception. I did it for my mom’s wedding (twice actually!). Anyway, I’ve always cared more about comfort than what other people think. So you don’t have to care what I think! :slight_smile:

8

that was shapewear.

I actually happened to ask the wedding planner about restorers a few days ago, thinking maybe I could wear the Grandma for a couple of my bridal pictures. So yes, that cost is definitely a factor. However, my mother is paying for sit down dinner for 250, so frankly the cost of the dress is a rounding error.

9

Your grandma’s dress is stunning! Just stunning! If it were me I’d do whatever it took to get married in that one. What do you think is wrong with the sleeves? They look really great to me.

10

Me too, except the neckline. It needs help (the decorative loopy things, specifically). I love the sleeves. I’m getting so tired of seeing sleeveless wedding gowns.

11

I like Grandma’s dress. The other one’s meh. and contemporary.

But since I’m not one of the 250 people who will be eating that sit down dinner, I don’t see what my opinion matters.

But I have known of people who had different dresses for the ceremony and for the reception–especially if for the ceremony they were in a church and needed sleeves or not too much cleavage.

12

Re: shapewear, what’s the difference between the dresses? Because your shape isn’t the same in them both. Is it just the material? Is it just that your contempo-dress has more petticoats or fabric or whatever? I really like that effect on you… not that you look bad in either, mind (and much thinner than me, natch). I just think you look better in one than the other.

I mean, was the old dress designed to be worn with a corset or something? That might make a big difference in how much it flatters you vs the new one.

13

The new one has boning, and of course the shape is very different - I think the heavy A-line skirt on it makes my waist look smaller in contrast. (One plus to the new dress is that I wouldn’t have to wear Spanx!) On the other hand, I’ve lost a size since I bought the new one, actually.

I would assume the old one was designed to be worn by a 1939 body, and I am sadly 2012. The 30’s weren’t much for stiff underthings - one assumes Grandma was just skinnier. Although she was perilously close to being an old maid at 26 - I’m also 5 years older, I suppose. I’ll have to find a picture of her in it.

14

The poofies. I don’t love the poofies. They’re actually deflated now, but restored they are much poofier.

15

I completely love Grandma’s dress, and don’t care much for the new one. I don’t even think the sleeves are ugly- they just look vintage.

16

I vote for grandma’s dress, but I love almost anything vintage. And you could probably sell the new one on eBay no problem.

17

I’d find if Grandma’s dress can be restored to your satisfaction and how much the fabric restoration and any alterations will cost before deciding. Any alterations will have to be made with any extra fabric you can find in the dress or sleeves.

A change between the ceremony and reception is definitely possible.

18

My grandparents actually had a huge photographer catastrophe which sounds very modern - the photographer LOST all the pictures except for the one with the whole wedding party together. So we have pictures of her alone, him alone, them together, etc… they’re all proto-Photoshopped.

Which means I don’t have another view of her wedding dress that isn’t obscured by enormous football mums. But here she is - much more lovely than me. Smaller chested at least, I think!

19

I think Grandma’s dress is gorgeous! Vintage, family history, unique … I’d go for it. Make some changes if you must, but to me it has more character and is more interesting than the first one.

20

I’ll be the outlier and say I like the new dress better, but that might just be because you look so much happier wearing it. I do think you can wear both, but remember the ceremony only lasts for a bit and the reception is for hours, so you might want to switch it up and wear grandma’s dress down the aisle and the new one for the party.

It sounds like it would mean a lot to her, maybe more so if you actually got married in it. People won’t get a great look at it since you’ll be facing away from them for most of the ceremony, but they’ll be swooning up close over whatever you wear to the reception.

For the record both are very flattering on you, even if you leave the sleeves as they are you’ll look beautiful in it. I love the fabric on the older dress, and there’s something so sweet about bringing a vintage dress forward into the future.