Looking for a mother-of-the-bride dress

In My Humble Opinion
1

This is not for me, but for my aunt. (Technically a step-mother-of-the-bride, but no one’s counting.) She’s asked me for her help, so I’m turning to you!

Here are the parameters:
[ul]
[li]The wedding is on Long Island, in June, formal Catholic wedding, noon service. [/li]
[li]My aunt is 60, and her style is kind of granola-ish, outdoorsy, favorite store is Eddie Bauer. She hardly ever wears makeup, heels, or skirts except on very rare occasions. Her aesthetic for dressing up is something along the lines of long gypsy skirts, bright patterned blouses, sandals, big silver earrings…think of the clothes in the Sundance Catalog, or a funky middle-aged professor at a liberal arts college in New Mexico. Not at all tailored, formal, business-like, edgy, etc. [/li]
[li]The bride showed us a picture of the mother-of-the-groom’s dress, and it’s something like this, except the black lace is over a flesh-toned backing. Needless to say, my aunt has never worn anything that formal in her life, not even to her own wedding. (She was married in a light green blouse and skirt ensemble.)[/li]
[li]My aunt is currently unemployed and will have a pretty limited budget for this dress – less than $200 a must, less than $100 ideal.[/ul][/li]
I…have no idea where she could find a dress that would satisfy the level of formality of the wedding (she doesn’t want to stick out as being underdressed, naturally, given her role), be within her budget, and still be something that she feels comfortable in as looking like herself, in her own style. I’m sure she could just go down to David’s Bridal for something cheap, but that’s really not her.
Do any of you know of any brands/designers/stores/online shops that could fit these parameters?
I thought of eshakti.com (especially since she could customize the dress to her measurements and style), but looking at the site, those clothes are generally too informal and/or too “cute young girl on a picnic,” if you know what I mean. Not mother-of-the-bride.

And to be honest, I can’t even visualize what her style kicked up a few notches to “formal” would look like. Maybe something like this but in a June-appropriate fabric? Man, I don’t even know. I know she would not be caught dead in something like this.

2

This is at the high end of her price range, but I love this woman’s stuff so much! Beautiful and different but still formal enough.

3

Anything that will make her look huge and frighteningly Wagnerian.

4

This is an interesting query – a more typical plea in these circumstances is for *avoidance * of the mother-of-the-bride look.

The usual for this kind of event would be either a garden-party-type dress, or a suit.

The suit is the more flexible option. It can be of a more social, less business-y style than “suit” will likely sound to your aunt. It can be in any fabric, color and pattern, worn with a wide choice of shirts/blouses, accessories, and jewelry, for this and possibly other occasions.

She may have to bite the bullet with regard to “skirt” and “heels”. A (step-)daughter’s wedding seems to qualify as one of those “very rare occasions”.

I wouldn’t take mother-of-the-groom dress to which you linked as a model. Formal daytime wear is different from formal evening wear. That dress doesn’t look very daytime-y to me, not to mention the bare shoulders for a church wedding … :eek:

5

I gotta say, if the mother-of-the-groom is really planning to wear a strapless satin and lace number with a fishtail skirt (and yes, I know the dress in your link isn’t exactly the one she’s got), she is taking some risks in the name of style. Most of us dames over forty don’t really look our best in rather daring formal gowns with such a pronounced cut, which usually needs smoother youthful-looking limbs to pull it off. I wouldn’t be surprised if your aunt in a more subdued and softer ensemble ends up looking much the better of the two.

Anyway, there are a few key features to go for if she doesn’t want to go “formally elegant” but doesn’t want to look underdressed:

1. Long. Her skirt needs to be the same length as the mother-of-the-groom’s skirt, and floor-length automatically looks more “dressy” than shorter lengths (as well as conveniently disguising the absence of a high heel on your shoe), unless you really rag-bag your look. The line should be flowing but not too voluminous. This shouldn’t be outside her comfort zone at all, since you say that long gypsy-style skirts are her go-to dress-up wear anyway.

2. Lacy or textured or embroidered. A fabric with a little texture to it (cotton lace overlay, broomstick pleats, or whatever) will both blend better with the MOG’s look and appear a little more dressy.

3. Fitted bodice. If she gets a two-piece ensemble (and a long skirt/top set is usually cheaper than a floor-length dress), the top shouldn’t look sack-like or billowy.

4. Three-quarter-length or longer sleeves. Above-the-elbow sleeves are almost always going to look more casual, except on a very elegantly cut tailored dress. And sleeveless (if your aunt is even willing to tolerate sleeveless) is difficult to get away with in a softly-cut cotton, as it tends to look like exercise wear.

5. Deep but subdued colors in a restrained feminine-looking abstract or floral print. No bright or strongly contrasting colors, no casual or informal motifs. If it’s a skirt/top ensemble, the top might be a solid color or just have a little detail at neck and/or sleeves.

For possible inspiration, may I present the Southwest Indian Foundation women’s clothing catalog. Some of those are still a bit too bright and/or funky and/or busy (patchwork print? No.), but that strikes me as the kind of look your aunt would consider more “her” while not clashing too horribly with a long satin-and-lace MOG gown.

6

Is this bride’s mother still in the picture? If so, your aunt should be able to dress more like a guest and not have to dress so mother of the bride-like , which for a noon wedding would be something like the outfit on this page (lower left)(why do I have the feeling that mother-of the groom shouldn’t have worn that dress when she was 20… and its definitely not for a daytime wedding)

7

FWIW, if the MOG dress is anything like the picture, it’s pretty far out of the norm for that sort of thing. If it’s a red carpet glamour wedding, maybe it’d fit in, but in weddings, mothers usually go for regal, dignified, and mature. Even if they are young and vibrant, typically they’d tone it down to highlight the visual story of a young new couple starting out their new life and the mature love of an established family that they will eventually grow into.

8

Yeah…my first reaction (which I kept to myself) upon seeing the picture of the mother-of-the-groom modeling her dress was, “Wow…yikes.” That’s not my idea of appropriate for a noontime Catholic wedding, either (and in June, too – bare shoulders aside, the dress looks really heavy and hot). Like I said, I don’t know the woman at all so I don’t want to speculate as to what would make her choose to wear that dress, but I think it’s safe to say that she and my aunt have very different personalities.

The bride’s bio mom is pretty much out of the picture and I’d be surprised if she’s even invited to the wedding. My aunt will be fully ensconced in the mother-of-the-bride role.

even sven, I like that philosophy and think my aunt will, too. I know she’d be deeply uncomfortable glamming herself up to match the groom’s mother, and she’s not the kind of person who likes to compete for attention, anyway. I’ll forward the links and info in this thread to her to give her somewhere to start (kimstu, that’s a handy list of features, thanks). Thankfully the wedding is five months away, so she has plenty of time.

Oh, and I just remembered that my aunt lives a few blocks from a nice boutique that sells dresses like the ones in freckafree’s link made of silk and other formal fabrics, as well as very pretty scarves and other accessories, and they occasionally have good sales. Maybe I’ll take her there on a weekend and see what she thinks.

9

The mother of the groom at my sisters wedding wore a very nice silk chiffon palazzo pant suit. The legs were cut generously so that it looked very much like a skirt. Just another option…

10

Try this site, they have amazing prices and a huge selection.

Soemthign very simple like this might work. Add a shrug or shawl if she’s uncomfortable.

11

Yeah, that’s a totally MOB appropriate look as well - plenty of older ladies look very nice in a flowing pant.

Maybe the picture of the MOG’s dress was really off in a lot of subtle ways - my mom wore something a little like that to my wedding only it was a jacket ensemble and it was an evening fall wedding - totally appropriate, nothing like the picture, but it was strapless (although when they altered it they did add straps for security) and not dissimilar in shape. Looked very different on a lady of mature years. What the hell, I’ll just show a picture.

I just didn’t want everybody assuming that a strapless structured dress had to be inappropriate! (Although it’s quite possible that the MOG is totally slutting it up. Don’t get me wrong on that.)

12

I didn’t even think “slutting it up” as my first reaction, but rather “attempting to draw attention away from the bride”. Never a good quality in a MOG.

At any rate, yes, your mom’s dress looks quite appropriate.

13

You look beautimous, Zsof! :slight_smile:

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Also, I think we should reconvene in IMHO, from Cafe Society.

15

:confused: Okay, but don’t discussions of fashion/couture/design aesthetics usually go in Cafe Society? Like this one and that one.

16

Thank you! I think you really need to peg what the MOB “has” to wear to what the bride is wearing. (Although I can throw a bet at you - strapless and A-line/mermaid/ballgown.)

17

Agreed! And your mom looks perfectly appropriate, so no worries there (that color looked really nice on her, too).

Okay, I’ll go there: my impression of the MOG’s dress was not so much “slutting it up” as it was way, way overdressed and “here’s my one chance to wear my fantasy Oscar red carpet gown” and “this may be the bride’s day but, goddamnit, I will turn heads, too!”

I saw a picture of the bride’s dress, but now I can’t remember many details – strapless and…memory powers activate a wide a-line skirt with long train. Heh, you’re onto something. :slight_smile:

18

That’s what my mom wore to my brother’s and my weddings. (We got married 4 months apart and a handful of relatives were the only overlap in guests, so she just wore the same outfit.)

19

I love this site, I got my wedding dress from it… It’s inexpensive, & I think is great for a “formal bohemian” look. IMO anyway.

20

Hm, yeah, it looks like it happens sometimes. I think of fashion threads as IMHO, though. Maybe if they spring from something a celeb wears it would make more sense to me to go in Cafe. It’s no big, though, as long as we can find the shoe discussions. Remember what’s important. :slight_smile: