With naked boobies! Don’t forget the naked boobies!
I’m betting whoever makes the film will forget the naked boobies.
How can anyone forget naked boobies? :eek:
You ever hear of a thing called “willful ignorance”?
Why? It’s a short novel.
Compared to the average screenplay, it’s huge. Lots of scenery, lots of derring-do, lots of everything. They will probably graft on something from one of the later books, like Thuvia or something from Gods of Mars. But Martian boobies are a must!
Mars Needs Boobies!
A long time ago, Bob Clampett worked on a John Carter cartoon:
http://www.angelfire.com/trek/erbzine18/erbz934.html
As the link indicates, the footage is on the Beany and Cecil special edition DVD. I’ve seen it (not there – I don’t recall where I’ve seen it). and it looked pretty good, although not nearly as dramatic as it could be.
On this site you can read most of the novels and view a vast collection of Barsoom art.
[General “Buck” Turgidson] Mr. President, we must not allow a Martian boobie gap! Unless it’s the kind you can slide your salami in, if you know what I mean, sir! [/GT]
*And the sight which met my eyes was that of a slender, girlish figure, similar in every detail to the earthly women of my past life. She did not see me at first, but just as she was disappearing through the portal of the building which was to be her prison she turned, and her eyes met mine. Her face was oval and beautiful in the extreme, her every feature was finely chiseled and exquisite, her eyes large and lustrous and her head surmounted by a mass of coal black, waving hair, caught loosely into a strange yet becoming coiffure. Her skin was of a light reddish copper color, against which the crimson glow of her cheeks and the ruby of her beautifully molded lips shone with a strangely enhancing effect.
She was as destitute of clothes as the green Martians who accompanied her; indeed, save for her highly wrought ornaments she was entirely naked, nor could any apparel have enhanced the beauty of her perfect and symmetrical figure. *
I insist that this scene be portrayed exactly as written! Especially if they get Morena Baccarin for the role.
I read somewhere, I can’t recall who was writing or on what publication, that the best-fit literary form to the average-length (90min) screenplay is a short story, rather than a full-length novel.
Yes, it would be a frabjous day if we got a Barsoom flick with authentic Red Martian Boobitudinousness. But I’m sure most people would settle for something along the lines of strategically-placed minimalist outfitting in the style of book covers by Frazetta or Vallejo (you know what I mean: “armor” that would only protect your warrior from being circumcised in battle).
OK, seriously: just like it was better for the X-men to be done in leathers instead of blue-and-yellow tights for the Big Screen, it may be a matter of reconceptualizing the look to avoid having it look like 2 hours of fanservice. If John Carter looks like he belongs on a Gay Pride float or Dejah looks like she came out of a Dita Von Teese bondage-fetish photo shoot, that would be a distraction that would keep the general public away.
And leaving aside the facile comment about “winning women” (which may have distracted from the point) in the post where a possible PC-ification of the plot came up, I DO believe that there are cases where one should think twice about exactly HOW are you trying to “contemporarizize”. For instance, you can have a society in which the appearances are of competition for the lady’s favour, but in the practice it turns out that it is a burden upon the “lucky” guy. (Something like “how come that Mars is different to our Mars” can easily be worked around that his travel is not just through space but through time, and he arrives at a still-living mars of the past. Or to a parallel-history Mars.)
In any case, the John Carter of Mars movie has a history of not getting anywhere that challenges the biggest optimists. Then again it may be for the better. Imagine if, at a loss to figure out how to play it straight, they decide to starshiptrooperize the whole thing and make it about something else entirely…
What’s Barsoomian for “Amen!”? 
Speak for yourself!
The Gor novels are like the retarded, deformed twin of the Barsoom novels. A retarded, deformed twin that should be kept locked in the attic.
I’d like to see the John Carter movie make it to the big screen with the charm of the novels left intact. I’d also like to hit the lottery for $100 million.
Who are the blue guys?
The Plant Men – introduced in the second novel, Gods of Mars.
It might be possible to design something that would technically constitute “jewelry” rather than clothing for the purists while still covering just enough to skitter under the edge of PG-13 (and still being hawt as hell 
).
Aishwarya Rai.
Obviously, John Carter will have to have decent coverage in the regional area. It’s very cold on Barsoom, you see. It’s perfectly manly for him to have his nipples sticking out, but you wouldn’t want him judged by what the cold does to the rest of his anatomy.
Cutting the stories down to screenplay size shouldn’t be that hard. Just toss out the many, many reversals of fortune that keep happening. In a screenplay, you get two before the final triumph.