John Carter (of Mars) Teaser Trailer

Please don’t suck, please don’t suck, please don’t suck.

Riiiiight there with you, sir. I have been waiting for this damned movie (to not suck, specifically,) for my entire life. They’ve been postponing it (usually because the technology sucked) for my ENTIRE LIFE. I am very hopeful that the delays are mostly over, and a teench bit worried about the possible suckitude.

Some info here:


Sux already – dude’s about 12 inches and a hundred pounds short of a John Carter. This role calls for a Schwarzenegger with an English face and a Virginia drawl.

He could be a fine John Carter - everyone around him is supposed to be 12 feet tall. John Carter’s superpower on Mars is he’s almost Spiderman - can’t touch him.

Technology’s finally at the point where this story may not look silly. I hope for a good Woola.

That’s another thing – I got one glimpse of a Green Martian in that trailer and he’s no more than seven feet tall. :rolleyes: But the Red Martians are supposed to be the same average size as humans, and Carter should tower over them just like he would tower over a crowd in New York City. He’s the greatest warrior in Martian history and there are hints that he’s the greatest warrior in Earth history and quite literally an immortal god. No man of average size fits the part. Heck, Kevin Sorbo was too short and slight for Hercules.

The woman (Dejah Thoris I guess) appeared to be severely overdressed. Very … Disney.

I rather preferred Kevin O’Neill’s John Carter as shown in vol 2 of Alan Moore’s League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Just because the Martians aren’t big on clothing, Carter wouldn’t necessarily have to wear stuff borrowed from He-Man’s closet. I wouldn’t want O’Neill’s duplicated, but I like the touch of steampunk meets imaginary Civil War cavalry parade uniform.

His Gullivar was an interesting blend of Lawrence of Arabia and Tusken Raider too.

Watched the trailer twice, and it didn’t show enough to gauge how good or bad it will be.

I have never read the books, and don’t particularly want to. Pulp fantasy/SF of that era has never appealed to me.

It looks like a standard sword-and-sorcery flick to me. Can’t say that thrills me too much.

Sucks already. As noted, Dejah is way too dressed. Disney will sanitize all the bloodshed and violence.

I dunno about the clothing bits. I always liked Carter’s “when in Rome” attitude from the books, and how quickly he adopted the local “harness and jewelry” fashions. I also always thought that Burroughs was a bit of a secret clothes-horse himself, for all the descriptions of women’s clothing and jewelry, and mens’ jeweled and bedecked harnesses and weapon equipage. It’s nice to see it visualized.

It is a little sad that we won’t get to see mostly-nekkid martian women wandering around in jewels, collars, and armbands. That part always made me a little amused. Talk about your fan-service!

Well, they wouldn’t be able to do it properly, of course. Still, they could have approximated a little closer.

I’m a little puzzled by skin colors. In some of the shots, Dejah appears to have red skin, but in others, she appears to have Earth-Caucasian white skin with red patterns of makeup or tattoos.

And the logo for the movie is the letters “JCM”, which suggests they’re going to be referring to the planet as Mars. A shame-- Setting it on Mars is dated, but they could get around that by just referring to it as Barsoom. It’s almost completely irrelevant even in the books that Barsoom is the fourth rock around Sol, and if you’re going to be magically transported somewhere anyway, you might just as well be magically transported to a completely different solar system.

She’d be overdressed in a g-string . . . Burroughs’ cover artists never honestly reflected the fact that Barsoom is a largely nudist society.

I was disappointed, as well – she was wearing way too many clothes!

I loved this series so much when I read it the first time, in my teens. I can’t imagine that it could possibly live up to my unreasonable expectations!


Just so long as they don’t tone down any of the stilted Edwardian dialogue!

I agree with this for the most part, but I do have to wonder what in fuck Disney is doing making this movie and why John Carter is so scrawny. Also, yes, the women need less clothing (but that’s Disney).

I’m happy I’ve never read any of this John Carter stuff because this looks pretty cool.

You’ll probably enjoy it more than a reader of the books would. Check out the books after.