You know, I have the solution to your problems. There’s two ways you can go with this, both will ensure that you don’t have to deal with el rugrattos at work ever again.
Method 1: Go to one of those fundie bookstores and buy one of those anti-abortion fetus in jar things, bring it to work with you and place it on your desk. This will instantly bring all festivities to a halt when people spot it. There will be questions, of course, questions like, “What the hell is that?” “What is that doing here?” “Why is it in a jar?” You respond with answers like, “It’s my kid.” “It’s TYKTWD, so I brought my kid.” “I had an abortion/miscarriage.” Admittedly, this is a bit risky, as it could cost you your job.
Method 2: Once the kids show up, fake an absolute emotional breakdown. When people ask you what’s wrong, you give them one of two stories, depending upon which you think they’ll be most likely to believe. One is that you had a child some years ago, but lost said child due to a bitter custody dispute and seeing all those kids just brings back the horrible emotions of the fight and a profound sense of loss because you haven’t been able to see your kid in years. Story two is about how you’ve tried and tried to have kids, but because of a medical condition it is physically impossible for you to ever have kids of your own. At the very least, they’ll send you home and make sure to give you the day off next year, at the most, they’ll drop the idea of TYKTWD.
My company is going beyond the typical “shadow” approach – the kids are being given journalism assignments. Each child has to interview his or her parent in the morning and then spend the afternoon writing an article based on the interview. The articles will be distributed to the editorial department at the end of the day.
I think the kids have gotten bored with the company tour (especially since so many of them come year after year), so the company decided to take a more hands-on approach.
Do daycare caretaker/child ratios apply legally to this sort of undertaking and do you have enough bodies assigned? Can you hire temps to get the caretaker count up? Shanghai others? Seriously, not enough hands could be a liability.
Oh, and does your company have a digital camera that you can use? Taking pictures of everyone and printing them out on company letterhead might make an interesting keepsake. Labeling it ‘What My Father Did Today’ would probably be mean.
Picture taker was actually my job last year. I took in my Nikon D50 and took pictures of the parents and their kids outside near some beautiful landscaping. I transferred the pics to a cd then raced to my local Walmart to get 4 x 6 prints by the end of the day. We taped the pictures to the wall at the ice cream reception which closed the event for folks to take home.
The only glitch was when the receptionist gave me grief for not having a camera pass authorized by a Director and the head of security. :rolleyes:
They know you’re gonna be miles away before you find out you got fucked! They know you’re not gonna turn around and go back, they don’t care!
How are ya, darlin?
I’m with Lightray. The rest of your committee is probably already thinking along those lines. Honestly, Em, how do you keep finding these lovely places to work?
Jeeze, when I went to TYKTWD (as a kid) I literally shadowed my mom all day. Hence, take your kid to work day. Which involved a lot of me reading in the corner of her office and freezing my butt off helping her tear up the floor to rewire mainframes.
A pony would have made it SO COOL!! [/end squealy little girl voice]
Man, I wish I could TMKTWD! Well, I did actually, from the day she was conceived until the day I delivered, I missed but one scheduled day of work. Now that she’s an outtie and not an innie, she’s not allowed. How I would LOVE to send my little muffin of pestilence around the poker room with her own little pink toke box. We’d make a MINT! You’ve read the threads about redheads!
I’m not sure, but I think we could train her better than some of our staff. She is at least as house trained as some of our patrons. I haven’t had to steam clean one piece of furniture because of HER yet.
Yeah, Auntie 'em, yer a goner. That is a metric shitload of kids. Two make me nervous. If most of 'em can speak, you are really in for a ride and I don’t mean on a pony.
Please, post and tell us you survived. Oh, and keep your cell handy and dial 9-1 that way you will be two digits closer to getting help.
Fuckin’ Halls. With their sense of self-entitlement.
Although sitting down and having a heart-to-heart about what Mommy and Daddy sometimes do to each other when they think the little darling is asleep could provide a promotion and hefty raise.
Eat what you kill. And if you have to pack some out, so be it.
And you have my sympathies. And I will want to hear about the endless fun that was had today. But only when it’s over and you’ve been released from the home and HazMat is finished with the facility.
The only job I’ve had where bringing your kids was okay on “TYKTWD” was when I worked in foodservice during college. Having a seven year old behind the line in a cramped fast food establishment is not only stupid, but a good way to slow things up and cause injury to the kid and others.
No kids at my office, although I’m sure we’d all appreciate the distraction (we have lots of people on vacation and it’s slow…not that I’m complaining…). We’re all pushing for a “Take Your Dog To Work Day”, even though I only have cats - I love my co-workers’ dogs.
auntie em, you should give all of the kids electric staplers, and watch the fun!
We frequently have “take your kids to work” days because of babysitting issues or whatnot. I’d be happy if we could have at least one official “do not bring your kids to work today under any circumstances!” day.
My first non-babysitting job was working for my dad in his office. I am so glad there was no such thing as TYKTWD back then - I’d have been bored out of my tiny, little mind. It was boring enough when I was being paid to be there!
Thankfully, it’ll never be an issue where I work. No one is allowed unescorted in the building without a security clearance. And honestly, there’s nothing for kids to see anyway. We sit in cubicles, read stuff, write stuff, make powerpoint slides, go to meetings…
Come June, we’ve got the command picnic, and certain areas are open to family - conference rooms, the Operations Center, and a VTC room, plus a rare few offices. But the offices have to be sanitized and no one is allowed to work, so they keep those to a minimum. The activities seem to be geared towards little ones (we have a young work force) so they do stuff like face painting and mini-golf and computer games. Then everyone goes to the county park across Rt 301, and the rest of us can get back to work.
I like kids - I have one of my own - but there’s a time and place for everything, and unless you work at a zoo or Disney or an ice cream parlor, it’s no place for kids.
I remember going to TYKTWD when I was little. My mom worked for an insurance company mostly typing all day. While I was learning about what she did, I made the biggest rubber band ball ever! A few years later when she started working at my school, all thoughts of a repeat performance were dashed, because I would still have to be at school.
