Cactus + Hand = This Thread

Factual Questions
1

So, I was outside on Saturday, doing a bit of yardwork.

I transplanted some flowers, moved a plant into a bigger pot, and that sort of thing. Mowed the lawn, too.

Well, a neighbor who recently moved left unto me a cactus plant, which is the source of my grief.

So, I’m in the plastic patio chair, pleasantly buzzed, happily packing potting soil around a plant I just moved into a bigger pot, when my hand goes a little further down than I had intended it to. Right into our friend, the cactus.

After the yelping concluded, I surveyed my hand, and found what appeared to be eleventy hundred and six needles embedded in my hand. Specifically, the pinky and ring fingers of my right hand.

After experimenting with both tweezers and sticky tape (the tweezers weren’t doing it fast enough, so I used tape to pull them out en masse) I am left with about 15 needles that I cannot get out of my hand. This is making me nearly insane.

Do any of you have a quick fix solution for splinters that I might apply to this? This impacts my sex life greatly, so your replies are greatly appreciated. :smiley:

Thank You For Your Support,

Mr. Cynical

(note to moderator: Put this wherever you want to, I just want the damn splinters gone)

2

Oops. Just kidding, Mr. C. Here’s what might help: Drink a beer and then soak your hand in some water into which you have introduced some Epsom salt. Drink a beer (kinda tricky with the left hand, huh?). When you finish the beer, the skin of your hand should be softened to the point that you can easily remove the cactus spines. But first, yep, you guessed it - have a beer. Now have your s.o. (you did mention your sex life was involved, right?) carefully remove the spines with a tweezer. Liberal ingestion of beer may be required during this part of the procedure. After all the spines are removed, the next steps are your responsibility. You and your s.o. may want to talk about anything that comes up. Oh yeah, and don’t forget to have a beer.

3

The tape works well at time…something else will too…

Elmers white glue or any other brand I suppose. Just spread the glue around on the spines…let it dry and peel it off. The spines will come out with the glue.

4

radar just gave you some damn good advice.

soak your hand. drink a few beers.

5

Hot dang, Asmo - that’s a great idea! But you forgot the part about the beer…

6

I think that this thread would fare better in the General Questions forum, so I’m sending it over.

-slythe, mover of cactii

7

slythe, you prickly vegetation hustler, how the heck are we supposed to keep track of “the rules of the day”? Some of the threads are hard enough to keep track of, what with all the cactus spine removal fluid I’ve been consuming! So what if I don’t have cactus spines in any part of my anatomy? At least I’m good to go if I get any cactus spines in me … in next decade or so …

8

The problem with this part is Mr. Cynical’s SO is imbedded with about 15 needles.

9

DrMatrix: but, but, … his hand has the 15 spines …uh, uh, ah, oh - I get it! Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, uh huh. Yeah, okay, Madam Palm and her five ladies. Waaaaaay too much cactus spine removal fluid here. Maybe a crash course in ambidexterity would help Mr. C.?

10

< techchick buys Mr. Cynical some manly work gloves >

11

What is going on? This is the third thread today that mentioned some dude, and why he can’t wanker off.

Anyway, I though it was “Rosy Palm and here five sisters” though…