This is the scenario (except with different names, as neither Robert nor Dave are good “girl” names) I live with. I got to hate the nickname I had as a child, for a number of reasons (bullying & teasing, it didn’t sound feminine & pretty to me, etc.). So I tried using my full name, but everyone seemed to think I was being stuck up (“Well, lah-di-dah, ‘Christina’ [false name used for illustrative purposes]”, they’d say). Also, complete strangers would still shorten it (because everyone with this name uses the diminutive, right?).
So, I tried going by my initials for a few years. It was ok, but I wasn’t really thrilled by it, and it definitely didn’t sound feminine. Finally, my SO hit upon a solution (he didn’t like the initials thing, either) - a nickname of my middle name, one that sounded feminine.
This works fine for everything except “official” situations, like where I have to have my “real” name on paperwork - for instance, when I go to the doctor’s office and the clueless nurse calls out for “Chris” and it just goes right in one ear & out the other for about 10 seconds, until she says it again or says the last name - and then I go forward and smile & say “I go by ‘Annie’ [another false name used for illustrative purposes].”
Because of this, I’m careful to get others’ names right, and I could never feel friendly toward anyone who refused to get mine right. I once had a boss that used to call me by the nickname, and when I corrected her for the umpteenth time, she screamed at me (for the whole office to hear) to stop being so picky. WTF?
To anyone who says “lighten up” or “get used to it” or whatever, I say - mind your own business on this one. A name is very personal; it’s your identity. Just because you are not sensitive about this, doesn’t mean you should be insensitive to those who are.
If a mod wants to delete my first (incomplete) post of the 2 above, that would be great. I think I accidentally hit something on my keyboard, and for some reason my display still showed the “reply to thread” screen.
I’m down with the OP. I have a formal name that I hate with the burning passion of a thousand suns, and a regular name that I use with everyone except government/legal documentation.
My regular name ends with a -y, and when people spell my name with an -i (the pronounciation remains the same), I cringe because a good number of people tend to associate the -i spelling with the cutesy stuff that young girls do with their names, including hearts dotting the I.
Names are important as they’re often the first thing anyone notices about you, whether it’s online or in person.
Names also play a major part in literature – there are scads of articles and such about how to pick the right character name. Who would you take more seriously in an RPG, someone named Ivan the Terrible, or Fluffy the Terrible?
Another example is Ursula K. LeGuin’s Earthsea universe where people gain a great deal of power over others by knowing the true name of the person or thing. This isn’t a new trope, either – consider the story of Rumplestilskin where the damsel in distress got herself out of distress by knowing the guy’s real name.
Nobody’s ever had a diminutive for my given name (Holly). On the playground, the class clown would try to find a joke, like “Holls! Go to the Holls of medicine (an old ad for Halls cough drops)” then just stand there blankly while he realized how stupid it was and go find a Richard to pick on.
Sorry it took so long to get back here. Work, ya know? Anyway…
Ha ha ha. Where I grew up it seemed that every third guy I knew was named RIck. I wanted to be a bit different for artistic (music) reasons. That was over twenty years ago, and in all that time I’ve only encountered maybe four other guys who spell it the same way. I like the way it looks. And I actually don’t even use the letter “i” when I sign it. My R flows directly into the k and then I just put a dot in between them to imply the i.
Now see, that’s part of my problem. I had to put up in junior high school with the “cool” kids calling me “Dick”. Actually, it was “you dick”. When I would object they would sarcastically say, “It’s just short for Richard!” My junior high school years were some of the most miserable years of my life. People who don’t call me by the correct name strongly remind me of those years.
I’ve had that same thought. In Japanese romaji I become Rikku, because Japanese words simply don’t end with hard-K sounds. But the fact of the matter is that I don’t object to Ricky because I’ve been calling myself Rik for twenty-two years, it’s because I’ve been going by Rik for twenty-two years and I’m almost forty years old. I’m too old for stupid “kid” names.
The bosses sister-in-law actually calls me Rickles more often than RIcky. It’s only slightly less irritating, but I like her for the most part. She doesn’t have the other annoying personality traits of my supervisor.
As it so happens, I’ve started calling people Loooooocy when they call me RIcky.
If people ask if it’s pronounced differently, I tell them that it’s shorter and crisper, with more energy and spice than Rick. I’m not serious about this pronunciation; Rik is really pronounced exactly like Rick and I don’t expect people to pronounce it otherwise.
Unfortunately, I was named after my dad’s best friend in high school, a Richard who went by Dick as an adult. On the other hand, my grandmother always insisted I was named after her.
You, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar.
I probably would too. Monosyllabic names aren’t suitable for pronunciation quibbles, unless it’s a “foreign” name that nobody gets right. Like the Vietnamese name Ng. I still don’t know how to pronounce that.
My sister is Elisabeth (with an S) but has always gone by Betsy. I guess it’s kind of a family tradition - none of us have consistently gone by our actual first names. My other sister, Jessie, has dropped the E. My mom was born Ann, but when she married my dad and got a new last name that ended in E, she switched to Anne because it looked better. When my parents divorced and Mom married a man whose last name ends with N, she dropped the E. My dad hates his first name, Leonard, and has always gone by his middle name, Dean. And, in fact, according to my late grandmother my family name didn’t originally end with the letter E. A school teacher ancestor several generations always signed his name with a flourish at the end, and the flourish sort of evolved into an E.
And I guess I should explain my grandmother comment. She was Grandma Dick. Literally everybody who knew her called her Dick. It’s what she answered to until the day she died. She would know she was talking to a stranger the minute the telemarketer called her Lorena. She also had sisters named Pete and Johnny, and I don’t think I’ve ever heard either of their real names. Their father wanted sons, but got daughters. After the third daughter it became something of a joke, and the girls were tagged with Dick, Pete and Johnny. The names stuck for life! (Note: Their little brother Mary chose to be called by his given name.)
My original intent was to go with Ric, but after I wrote it a few times I just thought it looked “unfinished”. Maybe it’s because the letter C is ambiguous - it can sound like a K or like an S. The letter K leaves no doubt. It’s the same with your name and my sister’s. An Elizabeth might go by Liz, but an Elisabeth would also go by Liz, rather than Lis. The Z is exact while the S is ambiguous.
I actually copied my spelling from Triumph guitarist Rik Emmett. I think it was also an effort to detract attention from my last name because, being a teenager in the ‘80s I was getting sick of telling jokers, “No, I’m not related to Ozzy!”
My sister Jessi(e) has had the same problem. Her name is not Jessica. Her birth certificate says Jessie. She was named after our great-grandfather Jesse. Hey, there’s another one. He went by Jess (we called him Pappy Jess). My aunt Cathy is actually Catherine, and she never married so my sister Betsy named my niece after her. However, she went with the Gaelic variant, Caitlin. We call her Katie.
And that about sums it up.
I don’t make an issue about the spelling since I use Richard on the documents that matter. However, my last name continuing to be misspelled on my paycheck despite almost six months of requests to fix it was one factor in my decision to quit a job several years ago. I was getting tired of having to sign my paychecks twice - once the way it was spelled on the check and once the correct way (yes, I was irritated by my bank making me do that).
Amen. My name is not the name I was given, it is the name I have chosen. There were some very personal reasons for choosing my name and choosing my variant spelling. How about this: this board is very liberal, right? Most of you believe in respecting other cultures, right? Imagine yourself living with and studying a primitive tribe someplace. This tribe has an ancient tradition that calls for a person who has reached the age of majority to meditate and choose his adult name. It is to be a name that reflects the person’s accomplishments as well as his goals. It will be the name that he will forever be known by, and it tells the world (or at least his people) who he is.. You have been invited to witness a young man’s naming cermony, and at the end of the ceremony the young man announces that he will henceforth be known as Running Buck. Would you find it appropriate to call him Bucky? I didn’t think so.
You are 40 years old and can’t just ignore it? 40 years of practice and still can’t handle it? Develop a hide.
I can see it rankling in real life, but to pit it at 40 shows other problems. I can see it at 18, but a 40 year old demanding Rk, with an implied i, that is so sad. Is there no Trek convention to attend?
I totally support the OP on this - because I have the exact same problem.
Rik can spell his name however the hell he wants to. It’s not childish or cutesy. It is shorter and faster to write. What the hell is the problem? It’s his goddamn name. Spelling it Rick or Rik or Ric or Riq doesn’t change the fact that his name is not Ricky. Also, when people talk to him, I doubt they say, “Hi R-I-C-K-Y”. So, the spelling is irrelevent. It is not rude or annoying or childish to expect others to cease calling you something you hate. I would never dream of shortening someone elses name without their permission (except my sister, but she calls me Chucky so she doesn’t count).
And for the record - my name is not Claire, goddammit!
yea I can see that—being an asshole and all you have your own issues don’t you?
So I take it you are okay with my calling you asshole–I mean it seems a logical dimunitive of brownie and all—or do you prefer stain?
Grow the fuck up. It’s ironic that you would defend the folks being dicks to the OP by implying that he’s immature. Calling someone by a name they don’t like - especially an infantilizing one like “Ricky” - is something a ten-year-old bully would do, not an adult.
So you’ve actually shortened your name from Richard, to Rick, to Rik, to Rk with a dot to imply the “i”. What’s next, The Artist Formerly Known As Prince?
Seriously though, if you’re going to take such an affectation with your name, some people are going to mock you for it, one way or another. So just deal with it, since you made the choice.
BTW, if I were almost 40 (and I am), I’d go with Richard. Rk with a dot? Not so much.
What, his signature’s not precise enough for you? Do you sign your name in perfect Palmer method script? I basically don’t make an R when I sign my last name nowadays - should we ever meet, please don’t take that as a personal rejection of the R. It’s just how my signature looks - lazy, like everyone else’s.
I dunno, it seems to me he’s doing it on purpose, hence the “affectation”. No skin off my nose, of course, but I think it’s rather silly. Which is kinda my point. If you choose a silly name, why be all outraged if (when) people mock it? I’m not saying mocking people’s names is right, it’s not, but it’s likely to happen anyway.
