What is it with kids these days? And by kids I mean anyone under the age of, say 30’ish.
Today I sent emails to two people at work: Steve and Mike. When they responded, the emails were signed Stephen and Michael. This is a trend I have noticed for about 10 years now. Back in my day (I was born in 1962) everyone, and I mean everyone shortened their name, well unless it was already one syllable, and even then most of them found a way.
Who the hell wants to be called Jonathan all the time instead of John?
Who goes by Cynthia, instead of Cindy?
Hell, even James instead of Jim. The list goes on.
There’s no factual answer to this so I think IMHO is the right place.
If you are one of these non-name-shortening people, why? Do you think the longer version sounds more authoritative? More grown up? Sure, how about more phony or pretentious?
I think the shortened version of my name is too tom-boyish. The long version (with my last name its a loooong version) sounds better in a professional setting. That said, in casual situations, I go with a shorter version.
I suppose the shortened answer (ha!) to your question is that people can call themselves / should be called whatever they want, or so I’ve heard, ad infinitum, on this here board. I’ve never been that bothered about what people call me. Hell, my name is hardly exotic nor the the spelling particularly unusual and people still find a way to fuck it up. I guess I’ve never thought of my name as my shining badge of individuality and honor and so really don’t get why other people get hung up about theirs.
I will make an effort to remember what people like to be called but I must admit I do mentally attribute a wee bit of pretension to the Kenneth’s that have a hissy fit if you refer to them as “Ken”.
People often misunderstand me when I use just the one syllable, so I’ve made it a habit to use my full name to avoid confusion.
It still makes me a little uncomfortable, though. I dropped the second syllable when I moved to a new state at 15, and my full name makes me feel like I’m being talked to like a child.
I don’t see anything phony or pretentious about wanting to be called by a certain form of one’s name. It is, however, disrespectful to continue to call someone, say, Bob, when (generic you) you’ve been informed that he prefers to be called Robert, or Rob, or hell, even Skippy. Quite frankly, it makes you look like a douche.
When someone is introduced to me as Stephen, that’s what I call him until he tells me otherwise. Why get your panties in a wad over it?
My son Alexander is called Alex. My son Benjamin is called Ben. And Samuel is called Samuel at school because there is another Sam in his class, but at home he is Sam.
But I have noticed the trend you mean. In Sam’s Kindergarten class there are 2 Benjamins, 1 Jonathen, a Joshua, a Robert and a Matthew. No Bens, Johns, Robs, Joshs or Matts.
For me, it reminds me of a time when I was the victim of torment and intimidation by people who are no longer around to hurt me, and I wasn’t assertive enough to take a stand and demand that people call me by the name I prefer. Now I am. It took me decades to grow this spine, and I don’t care if people think I am “pretentious” because I allowed them to shorten my name 30 years ago and now do not allow it. Small victories are still victories.
When I moved to the mid-South US fifteen years ago, I found that men tended to go by the more formal version of their name if they were natives. The transplants were Jim, Bob, Bill, etc, where the natives were James, Robert and William.
Other reasons may include, as in my case, a name where the common shortened form results in every class or work department having more than one Cathy, Chris, Julie, etc. I use the more formal Julia because in the late fifties - early sixties, Julie was a popular baby name (along with Cathy, Karen, Debbie, Vickie and Teresa) and had I used it exclusively, I would have been consigned to being Julie S. for the rest of my schooling. Some of my family calls me Julie, but I’m the only one in the family.
The grown-up aspect is likely valid as well, especially for women. It’s a bit easier to take Patricia seriously upon first meeting than it is Patty, whether it makes sense or not.
It’s phony and/or pretentious to want to be known by your name? I suspect it has much more to do with people simply liking the full version of their name better than nicknames.
Personally, I like the name James, but really dislike the nickname Jim. It’s personal preference, nothing more.
You can’t really shorten my name to a real nickname (Holly), so I’ve fortunately never had to deal with having to correct my name.
A lot of women do it because the short name is too cutesy.
Men don’t generally go by Bobby and Jimmy and Donnie - they get Bob and Jim and Don. (Even someone I know whose name is actually Jimmy - goes by Jim.)
Cindy, Mandy, Sandy, Angie, Abby - you get the picture. A lot of women’s names don’t have non-cutesy short forms.
The worst I’ve known was someone I worked with who was David Michael Something. And you DID NOT shorten it. I think the first time I said something to him, I called him David (not even Dave), and he threw an absolute fit. I wouldn’t have thought anything if he’d calmly said “Please don’t shorten my name, I prefer David Michael”, but I was a bit taken aback at the giant hissy tantrum. He was a bit of an ass, though.
I didn’t use the full version of my name as a kid because people had trouble pronouncing it and that made me uncomfortable. As I got older, I decided I liked the full version better than the short one.
I also got tired of the short version of my name when it became popular and I started having other people with the same name where I worked.
So I switched to the full version. I do have some people that haven’t made the transition because they’ve known me a long time - I’m OK with that.
I find it very annoying when new people just decide to use my nickname, though. I don’t yell at them or anything, I just keep using my full name in all situations. Most of them get it.
With the few who don’t, I tend to think that they’re probably pretentious jerks who want everything done to their convenience, and mentally write them off.
I think I’d like to clarify my previous answer. . .my use of the word “pretentious” was not quite what I’d meant. I can see having a *preference *as to what one would like to be called but I guess because I don’t care all that much about what people call me I don’t relate to the folks who are insistant about their own name. No harm meant; I just don’t get it. Not saying anyone is wrong, though I know my first response came out that way.
I’ve noticed that almost all of my gay male friends go by their full first name which, I suppose, is apropos of nothing. Just something I’ve noticed.
My younger brother is named Richard and we always call him that (although some of his friends will call him Rich) - even his wife. I can’t recall him ever expressing a preference for that though - it just is.
Some names have two diminutives; for example, Thomas could be Tom or Tommy. I don’t know if there’s a name for the latter form of diminutive, which you usually see with children.
My ex has a two-syllable name with no diminutive form. Sometimes, I’d call her by the first letter of her name (“Hey, B!”), but it’s nothing you would want to see on a business card or sign your name with.
I don’t have a name with a shortened version (it’s already only two syllables), but to me, depending on the name, it’s definitely more “grown-up” and mature to use a full name. Or perhaps more precisely, it’s more formal. To use your own example, to call someone “Cindy” rather than “Cynthia” seems mildly familiar, which may not be something that person wants in the working world. Besides, for all you know, she may not like to be called “Cindy” even in her personal life. For various reasons, I know a named Lawrence who HATES being called “Larry”, a few Jonathans who dislike being called “Jon” (because they’re NOT named “John”, and for a few Jewish ones this is important), and even a Matthew who dislikes being called “Matt” (maybe he’s heard that joke about “whaddya call a paraplegic lying in front of a door” one too many times).
As for your case, who are you to call them “Steve” or “Mike” right off the bat, in a work environment or otherwise? Absolutely calling them by a diminutive nickname is potentially belittling, especially if they’re younger than you but in a similar role. If they introduce themselves as “Steve” or "Mike’ then fine; otherwise, regardless of age or role, you should always address them by their full name.
For some names there’s an even wider spectrum. How many guys do you work with named “William” who’d be happy addressed as “Willy”, “Bill”, or “Billy”? I know a few guys who like “Bill”, none who would appreciate “Willy” or “Billy”.
Personally I dislike the increasing informality of the working environment. For me, part of keeping a work/home balance is having a work/home separation, which is helped by such environmental cues as formal codes of dress and forms of speech. I’m not proposing we go back all the way to wearing full suits and having bosses call their subordinates by last name (and getting addressed as “Mr.” or “Ms.” so-and-so in return), but “no jeans, t-shirts or sneakers” and “by default, address people by their given name” seems like a pretty low bar to set.
I use the less-formal “Julie” because the accent around here turns “Julia” into “Joalya” and it’s so damned ugly that I can hardly stand it. And now I’m just used to Julie.
In the OP’s case, I’m gonna focus on the one point, that being that this is WORK email. Most people have Outlook set up to automatically sign their emails, and for work, of course you use your whole name.
Ok, now lots of people are going to say that no, they don’t use their whole name in work emails. But for professional purposes, it should be obvious why many people use their given name.
A followup: when I lived in New Mexico in the early 1990s, I found that many Mexican-American men had what I can only call a formal nickname. In newspaper articles or on business cards, it was fairly common to see something like “Jesus ‘Chuy’ Baca”, “Roberto ‘Beto’ De La O”, or “Francisco ‘Paco’ Montoya”.
Some of my family calls me Julie, but I’m the only one in the family.