Most of you have probably have suffered infestations of Sock Elves or Glasses Goblins. I don’t have to detail the extreme aggravation of having supernatural thieves on the premises, helping themselves to your car keys and grocery lists. Where’dIPutEm Fairies are an unfortunate fact of life we have to deal with, like the common cold. At the moment they are exceedingly unfortunate (not to mention cheeky). Unfortunate for me, and, if I manage to catch up with them, unfortunate for them.
Their blatant thievery over the weekend includes two textbooks, one library book, and one book I was going to read for a class assignment. Yes, that’s right. Four books, and all of them very bad ones to lose. I searched here and there, I searched high and low, I even ventured into the depths of my brother’s room. Nothing. This cannot be a coincidence.
Look, I understand that education is the key to getting ahead in society, human or gnome. But must you insufferable illegitimate Oedipalist proctotremes educate yourselves at my expense? Go broaden your minds with someone else’s stuff. Or better yet, fix the broken gnome educational system so that you can afford your own books. But leave my things alone!
P.S. an article I clipped out of the newspaper this morning. Also intended for class.
I hates book theives with a passion…so I was all set to get outraged on your behaf…but I was laughing too hard.
FOUR books? You managed to lose FOUR books over one weekend. I can’t match that. The closest I’ve come to your world record is to lose an oversized library book between the couch and the wall. I still have the receipt for the overdue fine of $14.70.
Book Gnomes is good peoples. Never had a problem with them that wasn’t quickly resolved peacefully. Play your cards right, you can get them to leave beer money in the crease of your couch, too.
Lighter Korrigans are another story. Fucking workaholics.
When I asked my mom if she’d seen my books around, she asked, well, what are they called. I couldn’t remember, and I don’t have my syllabus with me, but that’s okay because I could always look up my ordering history on Amazon, right?
Nope.
According to Amazon, I never ordered those books. The big box that was sitting on the mail table all week was apparently a hallucination. I must be falsely remembering opening it up and confirming, “Yup, it’s my textbooks.” No one else seems to be able to independently confirm that they existed.
This is a little awkward but I think that it needs to be asked: have you considered the (no doubt astonishingly minute) possibility that you have been transported to an alternate universe?